Your Inaccessible Light

Soon after dinner, Ronnie has to leave for band practise. He tells me I have to come and watch them play some time and I agree. They are a rock band and I love rock music. I’ve never heard Ronnie sing before, so I think that will be fun. I collapse onto the couch and try to make sense of the events of the evening but I simply can’t get my head around it. My phone buzzes and I see I have a text from Ronnie. My heart flutters in my chest. I don’t know why I’m being such a sop.

Doing a show on the Strip this Saturday. I know the bouncer so I’ll tell him to let you in xx

At the bottom of the message is the address of a casino I’ve driven past once since I’ve been here but never been in of course, since you have to be 21. I wonder how Ronnie will manage to get me in. Then again, this is Ronnie Radke. No matter how much he disagrees, it does seem like he gets everything he wants.

When Saturday arrives, I’m actually really excited. There is no way in hell my parents will let me go to a casino, even more so if they know about Ronnie and his reputation. Ronnie told me to tell them I’m staying round Amber’s because there’s no way they’ll find out the truth. I’m not sure where I will actually be staying yet, but Ronnie promised he’ll sort something out. I hate lying to my parents, but there’s no other way around it, it’s not like they care anyway. They wouldn’t say no because they’re worried I’ll get hurt. They’ll say no because they don’t want to make themselves look like irresponsible parents.

“I’m going out tonight,” I tell my mum as soon as she gets home from work.

“Where are you thinking of going sweetie?” she asks, a false smile on her face, clearly surprised to hear I have social plans. I rarely go out anymore, not here nor in Florida. I used to always go out, but things changed and suddenly it lost its appeal.

“Just this girl from school; I’m staying round her house,” I lie, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

“Okay,” she agrees. I’m surprised. For a minute there, I didn’t think she’d believe me. For all I know, maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she just doesn’t care enough to stop me.

I decide to dress up a bit more than I usually would, but not too much. I eventually settle for a black skater skirt and a white blouse tucked in, and some black heels. The outfit, along with my make-up, makes me look a lot older than I am. It is 7.00pm now, so I need to leave. Ronnie offered to pick me up but I was insistent on getting the train and then walking the rest of the way. I don’t trust him not to be high on some sort of drugs. That thought scares me.

It is a warm autumn evening outside so I don’t bother bringing a jacket. It’s a ten minute walk to the train station, a five minute train-ride, and then another five minute walk to the casino. Thankfully, the casino is easy to find. After turning down the volume on my headphones so that I can hear and taking a deep breath, I put on a smile and walk towards the bouncers.

“Do you have any I.D?” asks the taller guy who looks only slightly older than Ronnie.

“I’m Noelle Cripps,” I tell them, “Ronnie said he told you about me?” The two bouncers look at each other and smirk.

“Ronnie told me you were special but I certainly didn’t expect you look like this,” the younger one chuckles.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I frown, instinctively tensing up.

“Let’s just say, Ronnie doesn’t usually go for girls as clean-cut as you are,” he smirks. I roll my eyes.

“Yeah,” the other one agrees, “They usually walk in with their tongue down his throat, dressed like a
whore with a right mouth on them.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” I grin, “Does he bring a lot of girls here then?” I can’t help but let my curiosity get the better of me.

“Oh God, we could get him into shit right now,” they laugh, giving each other knowing looks.

“We’re not dating,” I inform them, worried they’ve got the wrong impression.

“I know. Ronnie doesn’t date girls.”

“No, I mean…” I trail off awkwardly, “I’m not sleeping with him either.”

“Really? I find that hard to believe.”

“Honestly.”

“Wow, then you must be special,” the younger one smiles and I blush.

“Anyway, we won’t keep you any longer. Turn right at the stairs, first door on the left. Hopefully, we’ll see you around here again.”

I smile a genuine smile. I do feel special that I’m the first girl Ronnie’s brought here but not slept with, although I can’t help but get even more curious. What the hell is Ronnie’s deal and what does he want with me? I head into the casino and follow the directions the bouncer gave me, leading me into a huge room with a stage at the front. It’s dark and there are people everywhere, some of them drunk already. That annoys me. There are a few tables dotted around so I head to one near the stage and sit down, pulling my headphones out of my ears. The band on stage finishes exactly on time and I wait nervously for Ronnie’s band, Escape the Fate to play. Before long, I see Robert, Monte, Max and Omar come on stage, followed by Ronnie. Ronnie looks around the room as they introduce themselves, his eyes falling on me as he flashes his signature smirk. They begin by playing an original song that Ronnie wrote himself, called Not Good Enough For Truth and Cliché. The moment he starts to sing, I am taken aback by how amazing his voice is. He performs with so much energy and passion, it doesn’t take me long to realise this is what he’s born to do. This is where Ronnie can truly be himself and express his emotions. The song itself is incredibly well written. He’s told me a couple of times that music is his escape, but now I can see it for myself. He looks so at home and confident. I can’t stop smiling.