Cigarette Daydreams

It’s been about a week or so since I’ve last seen with Alex and I’ve been missing him like crazy. We talk on the phone every night for what seems like hours about everything. He told me about his life back home, his dogs, and his ex girl friend that majority of his songs were about. I told him about my life growing up, random vacations I would take, my dire need for music festivals, and about the guys who always screw me over. We have gotten closer mentally, but I physically ached to see him. I know he has been busy with the tour starting so soon and my classes have started increasing their workload, which kept me busy. I was about to hop in the shower and get ready for bed, but my phone started to ring, “Speak of the devil.” I answered smiling, “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to call me today.”

“Not a chance,” Alex sounded extremely tired.

“Well what’s up?” I asked sitting down on my bed.

“I miss you and I’m on my way over so we can hangout.”

“I need to shower first!” I exclaimed jumping up running to my bathroom to turn on the water.

“I’m leaving my house now, so you have about thirty minutes give or take.” He warned and I hug up promising to be ready in time. I took a five-minute shower and hopped out wrapping a towel around my body. I studied my appearance in the mirror and I looked happy. I was happy. Alex made me immensely happy. I heard the doorbell go off and I groaned.

“Alex that wasn’t even ten minutes!” I yelled running to the door, swinging it open without even checking who it is.

It wasn’t Alex. “What the fuck.”

“Hello Erin,” He purred. I was frozen in my spot unable to make since of this situation. Kyle was standing there in all of his fucked up glory taking my half naked body in. “You grew up nicely.”

Everything this kid ever did to me came rushing back to me like a fright-train. Every touch. Every insult. Every high. Everything. My mind snapped back to reality. “What are you doing here?” I meant to sound stern but my voice came out shaky. I had prepared my self for this moment for years and I had lost it all in a matter of seconds.

“Can’t a friend check up on a friend?” He asked smiling, “Aren’t you going to invite me in?” He made a move to step forward and I blocked him while tightening the towel around myself.

“We aren’t friends.”

“Well you and Caroline are, she is deeply upset that you haven’t RSVP for the wedding yet.” He leaned against the doorframe smirking at the power he still had over me.

“I’m not coming to your wedding,” I seethed out. “You need to go.”

He laughed, “I’m not going anywhere my dear Erin.” He lifted his hand to move a piece of my damp hair out of my face and I flinched.

“Go. Now.”

“Now listen here you little bitch—“

“Everything alright here?” I turned my head to the side to see Alex climbing up the last flight of stairs. Great timing.

“Just fine,” Kyle smiled towards Alex and then right back at me.

“Right, Erin?” I just wanted him out of my life and off my property.

“Right, goodbye Kyle.”

“I’ll be seeing you soon, Erin.” He gave me a sly smile and nodded towards Alex. “Good luck with this one, she is feisty.” I could feel the color drain from my face. Alex didn’t say anything as he passed Kyle; he kept his eyes on me the whole time watching for my reaction. As soon as Alex was inside I slammed the door shut and locked every single lock on that door, I resisted the urge to check and make sure all the windows were locked to.

“Are you ok?” Alex asked still studying me.

Am I ok? I felt completely numb. I had no idea how Kyle found my address, let alone why he was in California. I felt sick to my stomach. “I need a smoke.” I told Alex and he frowned.

“What happened?” He made a move towards me and I backed up involuntarily. I was no longer in control of my body. “Erin talk to me.” He begged me and I fell to the ground.

“Don’t let him hurt me,” I whispered and started to hyperventilate. I was having a full on panic attack. This was not how I wanted to spend my night with Alex. He rushed towards me pulling me into his side and I flinched at the contact. He isn’t Kyle.

“I wont let anyone hurt you.” He tried to clam me down. “Talk to me, please Erin.” I tried to calm myself down but nothing was working. I needed my pills. I needed a smoke. I needed something.

“I need my pills, Alex.”

“No you don’t, calm down and talk to me.” He urged and I shook my head.

“Please,” I cried out.

“No,” Alex picked me up and carried me to my bed. He set me down on one side and climbed in on the other. I was still somewhat wet and in my towel but that didn’t bother me. I just needed my pills. Alex pulled me into his side and started whispering in my ear. It took me a while to realize he was singing to me.

“You're just a daydream away. I wouldn't know what to say if I had you and I'll keep you a daydream away. Just watch from a safe place so I never have to lose.” I started to calm down and my breathing returned to normal. I was going to be okay.

“I would drink a little too much you'd offer me a ride, and I would offer you a t-shirt and you would stay another night.” He looked down at me and smiled. This was the first time I had heard him sing without being at one of his concerts. His voice was so beautiful; it made me forget what had just happened.

“You're just a daydream away, I wouldn't know what to say if I had you.”

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered shutting my eyes.

“Shhh,” he cuddled into me. “Go to sleep, we will talk in the morning.” I shut my eyes and let sleep take over me.