Cigarette Daydreams

“What do you want to do today?” Alex rolled over and looked up at me. We have been snuggled up in his bunk for the past few hours trying to catch up on some much needed sleep after last nights Halloween party.

“What time do you go on tonight?” I stretched my arms out not caring that my deodorant probably has worn out.

“Sound check is at four and we won't go on until nine.”

I sighed, “That gives us like two hours. We can just hang out on the bus I guess.”

“You don’t seem too happy about that,” He laughed swinging himself out of the bunk.

“It’s not that, it’s just that tour life isn’t what I was expecting.”

“You’ve only been with us two days.”

“I know,” I smiled crawling out of the bunk with a fresh change of clothes. “It takes some time getting use to.” Just then Jack emerged from his bunk completely naked and I yelped covering my eyes. The boys busted out laughing. “Starting with getting more females on this bus!” I yelled turning around and walking bristly to the bathroom.

“I’m sure there’s one in Jack’s bunk,” Rian commented coming out of the backroom.

I growled and slammed the bathroom door shut, “Not helping Rian!” I quickly changed into a pair of leggings and an oversized cobalt sweater. I tugged on a pair of fuzzy socks before returning to the front of the bus.

“Good morning Erin!” Matt, their tour manager noted, handing me a cup of coffee. I smiled and thanked him.

“Hitting on my girl Matt?” Alex protectively wrapped his arms around me and I wanted to swat him off.

“At least he makes me coffee,” Alex pouted and I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“You gotta give the ladies what they want or they end up leaving you for some other guy who will,” Matt smirked at Alex before excusing himself to make a phone call.

“I want to give you the world,” He whispered in my ear.

“I want to see the world.” I turned towards him, letting his hands snake around my waist. “You’re too good to me Alex.”

He pecked my lips, “You’re too good for me.” He played with the hems of my sweater, “I like this color on you.”

I cocked my eyebrow, “Oh yeah?”

He leaned closer into me; “I would like it better off.” I blushed and pulled away.

“No dirty talk in the kitchen,” Jack walked into the kitchen area breaking us apart.

“You’re just jealous asswipe.”

“Hell yeah I am, Erin has a great big ass.” I frowned. “I mean that in the best way possible.”

“Yeah whatever, Jack.” I moved towards the couch taking comfort in silent Zack still lifting his weights. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” He grunted out.

“Do you like to run? I need to start working out again, I haven’t in forever.”

Zack stopped lifting and looked at me funny, “Yeah every morning. Wanna run with me tomorrow?” I nodded my head smiling. “Ok meet me out here at six am.”

“Six in the morning?!” I don’t think I’ve been up that early in my entire life.

“Yes! That’s the best time to run!”

“Ok,” I trailed off.



“You guys are an amazing crowd!” Alex beamed towards the hundreds of people that were crushing each other just to get closer to them.

“So fucking hot to,” Jack caught another bra that was thrown at him. “I love it when you guys get naked!”

“So this song goes out to a very special someone in the crowd,” Alex smiled strumming a few cords.

“Aw Alex you should have.” Jack joked moving towards him. Alex shoved him away laughing.

“Not you, you dipshit.” The crowed erupted. “Thanks to the girl that means everything to me.” I blushed, “If you know the song, sing along.”



The crowed was dancing and singing along, and I couldn’t help but lose myself in the lyrics. I watched as Alex periodically glanced my direction and wink at me. I swear he was the only person who could make me forget all of my troubles and just be myself, but how long could a relationship like this last? He was living his dream on the road and I was trying to build my life with a degree and a job that required me to constantly travel. We couldn’t do long distance. It just wasn’t in us.



I mean how long could a ‘rockstar’ stay with someone like me? They have girls throw themselves at them all the fucking time. He is only twenty-three; does he really see a future with me? Do I see a future with him?

“Thank you! You guys have been some sexy motherfuckers!” The crowed started canting “All Time Low” and I felt my heart swell in pride. He had so much going for him and I wasn’t going to let myself drag him down. He grabbed me all hot and sweaty. “God you are so beautiful, how did I get so lucky?”

I laughed, “You can thank your lack of coronation for spilling coffee all over me.”

“I would have went looking for you,” I looked up at him confused while he wore a goofy grin. “I’ve been in love with you ever since I saw you in the coffee shop downtown.” My heart stopped. Did he just think what I think he said?

“Alex—“

He kissed me cutting me off, “You don’t have to say anything back. Just don’t ever forget that I love you so much.” Tears welled up in my eyes.

“I love you.”

He kissed me again before running off to clean up. A few people who heard what Alex had said were looking me up and down, probably wondering why he would want a girl as ugly as me. I was wondering the same thing right now.



I was dressed in a pair of Nike leggings and a t-shirt waiting for Zack in the front, hoping this ice water would work like coffee and wake my ass up. I turned around and saw Zack emerging in shorts and a tank, my mouth dropped.

“You’re going to freeze.”

He laughed, “It’s like sixty degrees out. Try living in Baltimore in the winter and then talk to me about cold.”

I rolled my eyes, “I’ve never even seen snow before.”

“Really?”

“Yep! I enjoy the sun way too much to give it up for snow.”

He laughed nodding his head in agreement, “Well how far do you want to run?”

I debated that for a second. “Don’t let me slow you down, lets do you regular routine.”

“Are you sure? That’s like six miles.” I gulped about to change my mind before Jack’s words repeated in my head. “Fat Ass”.

“Lets do it! Don’t go easy on me.”

Zack gave me a skeptical look but eventually nodded his head, “Ok.” The run was absolutely horrible, well for me. Zack seemed to enjoy himself, who actually enjoys a six and a half mile run? It took us a little over an hour to get back to the bus because we kept up ten-minute-miles, which was my goal. I was sweaty, fatigue, and a bit pissy when we finally laid down outside to cool off. “Again tomorrow?” I asked still trying to catch my breath.

Zack started laughing while he sprung back up on his feet, “You don’t think you need a rest day?” He began to stretch out his legs looking at me with humor in his eye.

I scoffed, “No.”

“Sure, Same time.”

Alex walked outside the bus and looked at us oddly, “I’ll be there.” I promised smiling.

“Be where?” He came over to where Zack and I were sprawled out.

“Your girl thinks she can keep up with me,” Zack sent a wink my way and I laughed.

“I did a pretty good job today.”

“That is true,” Zack nodded and I beamed in pride. “I’m going to make a protein shake, do you want one?”

“Nah, I’m good, thank you though!” He nodded and walked back inside the bus. I turned towards Alex and gave him a peck.

“You went on a run today?” I nodded my head like it was obvious. “I thought you hated exercising?”

I laughed, “I do hate it but I have to do it.”

Alex scrunched up his face, “No you don’t. You are perfect just the way you are.”

“Don’t get all Bruno Mars on me,” I stood up and Alex followed suit.

“Well that means you can come get breakfast with me,” He smiled taking my hand and I pulled away.

“I need to shower first.”

“Erin come on don’t be like thi—“

I cut him off my holding up my hand, “Come join me.” His eyes grew wide and I knew I was just distracting him from dragging me to Dennys or Waffle House.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded my head, “As long as you behave.” He nodded his head multiple times and I laughed dragging him back onto the bus like a lost puppy.

“Where are you two going?” Rian piped up from the couch giving us a knowing smile. We both ignored him because we were too occupied on getting to the shower. He striped down wasting no time, while I was a little slower getting out of my workout clothes. I hesitated taking off my sports bra and Alex noted stepping closer to me.

“We don’t have to if you’re not ready,” He breathed in my ear.

I shivered and played with the lace on my thong. I took Alex’s hands and placed them on my hips right where my underwear hit. I wasn’t scared to be intimate; I was scared of him seeing me naked, again. I looked down as he slowly took off my underwear. As soon as they were off he lifted my head back up to meet his eyes and he kissed me while slowly backing us into the shower. My hand hit the nozzle and I turned it on to a nice and toasty temperature.

Alex only broke apart for a second to back up and gaze at me, which caused me to turn bright red. “God how did I get so lucky.” He embraced me again allowing me to feel all of him.

“I ask myself that question all the time.”

We started making out again and I felt Alex’s finger at my entrance, I broke away. He gave me a confused look and I just smirked dropping to my knees. His eyes got big as soon as I took him in my mouth.

“Fuck, you’re perfect.”