Cigarette Daydreams

It was another rest day before the concert tomorrow and then our long drive to Florida. I was getting ready in the hotel bathroom waiting for Alex to wake his pretty ass up and take me exploring. I was still shaken up by my conversation with Jack yesterday but I was hiding from everyone really well. I had so much respect for a friend who was willing to make himself look like a dick in order to protect his friend from getting hurt.

I was a ticking time bomb. I have always known this. I know I wasn’t going to be able to fully give myself to Alex the way he needed me to. I know I wasn’t going to be able to fully recover from my own demons. I also know that I care for Alex and I was going to do what it took for this relationship to work for the time being.

“You look too skinny.” I jumped while putting mascara on causing it to smear all over my eyebrow. Alex snickered from the door way as I hastily tried to get it off.

“You’re an ass.” I playfully threw my mascara bottle at him.

He laughed picking it up and putting back into my make-up bag. I turned my body towards him as he embraced me. “I’m serious Erin. We all lose weight on tour but damn you look like you lost half your body fat.”

I frowned. Alex knew how much I hated talking about my body. “I think I’m toning up. Zack and I work out a lot.”

Alex pulled back studying me, “You’re perfect the way you are.”

I smiled while leaning up to kiss him. “Stop being a gober and entertain me for the day.”

“Well the guys and I have a signing today at eleven but after that we are free to do as we please.”

I smirked up at him, “What would you like to do?”

He pushed his body closer to mine, “I know whom I would like to do.”

I blushed pushing him away and he laughed retreating to go get ready for today. I knew we were approaching a point where Alex and I would eventually need to have sex but it was too hard for me to let down my walls. I wanted to be able to give him all of me, it just couldn’t happen. I hope he still understood when the time came.

“You know what I was thinking about this morning?”

“What?” I looked up from the backroom seeing Alex follow me.

“The time you made me those kick ass brownies, when are you going to do that again?”

I laughed when Jack screamed from the front lounge running to the back where we were. “Did I hear brownies?” I nodded my head, “And I wasn’t invited?”

“I tried to invite you but Alex wouldn’t let me.”

Jack mocked hurt punching Alex in the shoulder, “What the hell, Alex?”

“Sorry bro, more for me.” Alex smirked leaning down to kiss me.

“Can you make some tonight for the party?”

I laughed and nodded my head, “A party?”

“Yeah it’s our night off so we are going to get trashed early.” Alex nodded like it was obvious. He started rumbling through the bags in the back before he found what he was looking for and I saw a creepy smile stretch his face. “And put this in it.” He whipped out a bag of pot and all three of us smirked knowing that tonight was going to be a great night.



Jack let out a giggle, “Do you think that stars watch us like we watch them?” I let out a long laugh along with the rest of ATL. We were all on top of the tour bus, much to Matt’s disapproval, stargazing while stoned out of our freaking minds—well Alex, Jack, and I were.

“What the fuck Jack?” Alex look towards me with an eyebrow raised.

“No think about it, stars have lives so why can’t watch us. I bet it looks cool from up there, all these tiny ant humans making mistakes and making memories.”

“No I get what Jack is trying to get at.” I sat up quickly.

“You do?” Rian and Alex both asked me skeptically.

“Yeah, just imagine how many people before us centuries ago looked up at these same stars wondering the same thing, making wishes on the exact same stars we see right now.” I sighed in admiration lying back down.

Zack let out a low howl, “You guys are too high for me to deal with right now.” He hopped up and climbed back down with Rian hot on his trail.

“Ya know Erin, you’re not all that bad.”

I looked over at Jack and smiled, “Thanks buddy.”

“Forget what I told you before.”

Alex frowned, “What did you tell her before?”

“That she should leave before she ended up breaking your heart.” Jack deadpanned and I cringed.

I could see Alex starting to get visibly upset, “Why the hell would you tell her that?”

“Alex drop it, it’s in the past.” I sat up moving towards Alex to calm him down before he did something he would regret.

“Don’t tell me what the fuck to do! This asshole tried to get you to leave me!” Alex stood up fast, which caused Jack to shoot up to his feet as well.

“Come on man, you can’t blame me. After what happened with you and Lisa.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Alex roared and I cowered.

“Alex calm down,” I stood up to put my hands on him but he pushed me away causing me to lose my balance and slip. I hit the top of the tour bus hard, but my pride hurt worse than my side did.

“Shit—“

I stood up whipping the tears from my eyes, “Save it Alex.” I pushed passed him and climbed down as fast as I could. I ran into the bus ignoring Rian and Zack who seemed pretty concerned and threw myself into the nearest open bunk. I could hear more fighting in the front of the bus but I didn’t care what was going on. I wanted to be back home in LA.

“Erin talk to me, please.”

“Please just leave me alone Alex.”

I could hear him sigh and then start strumming a few cords. “I cant tell you how I feel in words, so let me sing them to you.” I closed my eyes and let the harmony take over all my senses.



I let Alex’s voice lull me to sleep.



“Were here!” I jumped off the couch and stuck my face against the window taking in all of my beautiful home state. Alex and I made up after our stupid fight the other night but he was still walking on thin ice with me. I think the best part about being in a fight with him is that instead of getting my flowers he would write me bits and pieces of songs. It sounds weird but they mean more to be than a silly colored plant ever could.

“Yo Erin!” I snapped out of my dream like state and turn towards Jack who was stuffing cereal in his mouth. “Do we get to meet your parents?”

I turn my attention back towards the road noticing we were turning off towards Disney, “No fucking way!” I shouted completely ignoring Jack’s question. “Alex you didn’t!” I looked over at my boyfriend who had a huge shit-eating grin on his face.

“Does this mean I’m out of the dog house?” Before I could even answer I heard a loud high pitch stream and caused me to cover my ears laughing. Matt emerged from the back room looking like a twelve-year-old.

“WE ARE GOING TO DISNEY! OH MY GOD!”

I busted out laughing jumping in Alex’s lap, “You are so out of the dog house!” I kissed him on the check, “Thank you.”

“I know how much you like roller-coasters, plus it helps that Matt is obsessed with Disney.” We both turned towards their manager who was all about losing his shit over going to Disney World.

“It’s kind of scary,” I whispered with a grin on my lips.

“I think so to,” Jack crouched by us. Things were still a little tense between him and Alex but they were doing their best to hide it from everyone else. “So do we get to meet your parents?” Jack asked again tilting his head like a puppy.

“Yeah Erin, you already met my parents. I think it’s only fair.” I blushed red and weighed my options. I mean how bad could it be if I brought them to meet my parents? Pretty bad.

I sighed, “Sure you guys can meet my parents.”

Jack and Alex let out a whop and before they could go on and on about hunting for my baby pictures we arrived to Magic Kingdom. Matt had shushed all of us, pushing us out of the way and practically running to the gates, not caring if we had our tickets or anything. “See you guys back on the bus at two!”

I stood up and cuddled myself into Alex, “What do you want to do first?” He asked me smiling.

“Splash Mountain.” I smiled at his obvious distress about the big drop at the end, “And if you behave I know this great make-out spot behind buzzlightyear’s stand.

He raised his eyebrow with a signature smirk on his lips, “Oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah.”

While I was super excited to ride rollercoasters all day, Alex had to keep a low profile and seeing that I was just as famous as him now, I did too. So we spent majority of our time at Disney making out in random places, it seemed like the sexual tension between Alex and I was growing by the minute and I knew we would have to have sex soon before either of us exploded. Just as we promised Matt, we were all back at the bus at one, well everyone but Jack who was twenty-five minutes late because he had to get a Disney balloon and ice cream. Everyone was sunburnt and worn out but we all but on our best smiles and thanked Alex and Matt for planning such a good surprise. We had to leave and book-it to the venue in order for the boys to get through sound check and make it to the meet-and-great on time. I was busy with trying to get ahold of my mom to let her know she was going to have about ten or fifteen hungry grown-men at her front door at breakfast.

“Erin, darling.”

I smiled as soon as my moms voice came through the speaker, “Hi mom.”

“What do I owe this pleasure to?” I could hear her grinning.

“Well I’m bringing friends over for breakfast tomorrow if you and dad aren’t busy.”

It was silent on the line for a little while, “You’re in Florida? Since when?”

“Today at like three am?” I let out a small chuckle, “I’m touring with my boyfriend, Alex.”

“You’re dating someone?”

I sighed, “Yes mom. He is in a band called All Time Low.”

“Never heard of them.”

“They are pretty successful,” I murmured hearing my mom’s disapproval.

“I always knew you would end up dating someone in the music industry, I could never get you to leave those ridiculous music festivals.”

I rolled my eyes, “Mom.”

“Sorry, sorry I’m happy if you are happy.”

“I’m so happy mom,” I felt my eyes starting to water just thinking about how much my life has changed since Alex walked into my life.

“Well then good for you. So what’s this talk about breakfast?”

“Well we head to Atlanta in two days so we were going to stop for breakfast tomorrow morning if that is okay?”

“Of course, how many should I expect?”

I cringed, “Ten to fifteen.”

“ERIN TAYLOR!”

“Ten to fifteen grown men,” I could hear her cussing at my dad about taking her to the store because she had an army to feed.

“I expect you to get here around nine am.”

I laughed, “Yes Ma’am. See you tomorrow, love you mom!”

“Love you too ET.”

I hit the off button and turned around to see Alex staring at me with a smile on his face, “Hey babe. I thought you were at sound check?”

Alex wrapped his arms around me, “We finished early.” He leaned down and kissed me very passionately. Like we hadn’t gotten enough of each other at DisneyWorld today. “I missed you.”

I pulled back laughing, “We’ve been separated for a full three hours.”

He gave me a cheeky grin; “I can’t wait to meet your parents tomorrow.”

“They can’t wait to meet you either.”

“Jack might scare them off.”

I nodded my head agreeing, “I was planning on telling them he was a little slow.”

Alex laugh boomed off the tour bus walls. “Good thinking.” He kissed me again with even more passion than before. “God I can’t get enough of you.” I blushed and tried to pull away before he stopped me, “I want you so bad.” I froze and pulled away. Alex looked surprised that those words would come out of his mouth and I was surprised to. I knew it was killing him to wait but I needed to be ready. Was I ready? “Erin, I didn’t mean that.”

I moved back into his arms, “Yes you did.” I looked up at him. “I think I’m ready.”

“I don’t want to rush you.”

“Alex, I’m ready.” He wouldn’t break eye contact waiting for me to give him any sign that I was lying, but I wasn’t. I wanted to give Alex all of me. I wanted to open myself up to him.

“Ok,” He broke out into a smile.

“Ok,” I leaned up to kiss him one last time before I left to go explore the venue and let him go meet his fans. I was going to have to be ready sooner or later. I couldn’t let this crap with Kyle hold me back any longer.