Cigarette Daydreams

“Gosh you look so beautiful,” I turned while putting in my last earring, to face Alex, who was the love of my life. I gave him a small smile and turned to face the mirror again fixing the burgundy dress so that it hugged me in all the right places.

“I hope your mom likes it as much as you do,” I teased putting on my signature nude lipstick. Alex took a step closer so I could admire his suit-clad self in my bathroom mirror.

He smirked, “She will love it.” He pulled my hips into his and it was my turn to smirk.

“And that apple pie I made?” I raised my eyebrow at him.

“If she doesn’t devour it, I will.”

I bit my lip, “I know there is something else I would love to devour.”

Alex groaned pulling away, “Don’t tempt me.” I laughed before pulling his hand and leading him to car before we got too carried away in this game of temptation. The last two weeks on tour with the boys were probably the best two weeks of my life. I grew closer to Alex mentally and physically, while also growing closer to some of Alex’s friends and band mates. Jack and I are like two peas-in-a-pod as of right now. Honestly though, who didn’t see that one coming?

“Babe?” Alex jolted me out of my thoughts. I looked out of the window and realized we were pulled up to his parent’s house. We couldn’t be more than 2 or 3 miles away from Alex’s apartment in Baltimore. Alex ran out of his seat to help me out of the car and carefully lead me up the cobblestone to the front door so I wouldn’t slip. I hadn’t found my snow legs yet.

“AH! Deary! They are here,” Alex’s mom engulfed me first and then pulled back to study me. “I told you I knew it was meant to be,” She winked and went to attack her son with her surprisingly strong grip. Alex’s dad popped around the corner wearing an adorable smile, “Son!”

Alex chuckled before taking his dad into a backbreaking hug. They pulled apart and Alex pulled me forward, “You remember Erin.”

His dad smiled before taking me into a gentler hug, “how could I forget such a beautiful girl? How did you fall for a guy like Alex?”

I laughed and Alex scoffed, “I was afraid if I didn’t say yes to a date he would pour more coffee on me.” Everyone broke out into laughter, including Alex.

“Well enough horse-play, I slaved over the stove for the past six hours for this dinner so lets get drunk and enjoy this meal!” Alex’s mom clapped her hands and led us into the dinning room. We all took our respected seats around the large mahogany table and took in the sights and smell of the small feast in front of us.

“It looks delicious Ma,” Alex smiled affectionately and reached over to squeeze his mother’s hand. “Why don’t we all go around and give thanks.”

“Great idea Alex,” His father beamed. “I will start. I am thankful for your mother, all of this food, having you home and safe for the holidays and each day I am blessed to wake up to.”

“I am blessed for a beautiful healthy child, another great thanksgiving, a growing family and every memory you have blessed me with.” His mother cooed rubbing his head.

“I am thankful for you two, my biggest supporters, my band and my dogs. I am extremely thankful for Erin and all that you have opened my eyes to.”

I gave Alex and small smiled and took a big breath to clear my shaky head, it was weird being surrounded by so much love and affection. The past three thanksgivings have been spent alone or at Allie’s parents house, which wasn’t much better than being alone. “I am thankful for you two opening your hearts and your home to me.” I smiled at both of his parents. “I am thankful to still be alive and living out each moment with more joy and happiest than I had been in the past, but more importantly I am thankful for you Alex. You helped me through so much and I could never repay you for constantly being there for me.”

Alex mom was beaming at me, “Well lets dig in everyone.”



“Maybe it is time that Erin and I leave,” Alex hiccupped which caused me to giggle. I wish I could be ashamed but his dad had a heavy hand and a good taste in wine.

“Maybe you two can stay in the guest room tonight?” His mom offered smiling and collecting my drunken self in her arms. I nodded at her and Alex smiled.

“Probably a better idea.”

“Why don’t you join me in the study Alex? Let your mother help Erin to the guest room.” Alex gave me a quick peck and told me he would be there shortly. Alex’s mom then led me to the guest room on the side of the house.

“Here is some pajamas,” She handed me a small pile of clothing. “Goodnight my dear.”

I smiled, “Goodnight.” I went to unzip my dress before I realized that I never told Mr.Gaskarth goodnight. I didn’t want to be rude, I was in his house and I never even thanked him for letting my drunken self stay the night. I bolted out of the room to find the study, which took a good five minutes because the house was like a maze. I went to knock on the door before I realized they were in a serious conversation. I didn’t want to spy but I couldn’t help myself.

“—So what do you think?”

“I think the ring is beautiful, is it your grandmothers?”

“Yeah,” There was a short pause and a long sigh. “Mom gave it to me back when I was dating Lisa.”

“I see. So you think she is the one?”

I slapped my hands over my mouth to keep from gasping. “I know she is.”

“You’ve only dated her for a few months.”

“How long did you date mom before you knew?”

“Two weeks.”

“See, I just want your blessing!”

“What about her father’s blessing?”

“Her dad gave me his blessing three weeks ago,” I slid down the wall. The world was spinning. I was spinning. This was all too soon. I had dreams and desires that I need no wanted to do before I ever settled down. There was so much of the world I hadn't experienced yet. My career goals included me traveling 10 months out of the year. I was only twenty-one goddammit. This was way too soon.

“Well then son, I give you my blessing and I wish the two of you nothing but happiness.” I heard them get up to hug and I bolted back to the guest room. I turn on the shower and stripped myself bare. I jumped in the scolding hot shower and began to let myself cry. There was no way I was getting out of this one without hurting Alex and myself. I was going to rip his heart out and there was nothing that I could do about it. I heard Alex enter the room and watched him walk into the bathroom. He watched me in the shower with pure love on his face.

“Hello beautiful, mind if I join?”

I felt sick, “I’m actually all done but there is plenty of hot water for you.” Alex pouted but handed me my towel nonetheless.

“I love you.”

I couldn’t look him in the eyes, “I love you too.” I turned and kissed him on the check. “Thank you for tonight, I will never forget it.”

Alex smiled and caressed my face; “We can spend thanksgiving in Florida next year.”

I turned away quickly before he caught the look of panic on my face and was barely able to choke out, “my parents would love that.”

But in all honesty I knew this would be the last Thanksgiving we spent together and I wanted to cherish every last second of it.