These Four Words

I grinned at my mother who let out a hearty laugh. I looked around and realized that there was no place that I would rather be. My mom, my dad, my brother and his very pregnant wife surrounded me. It was then I realized that this where I was supposed to be. It felt foreign to be around so much love and affection. I felt a pang in my heart. I missed out on years of this because I was running from my reality.

“So Erin,” My brother’s wife, June, caught my attention. “How is New York this time of year?”

“Cold,” I told her with a slight smile. I took a large sip of my wine. I couldn’t even believe that my baby brother got married at twenty, but June was amazing. I couldn’t have wanted anyone else for him. Steven had grown up so much since I last saw him when he was seventeen. I hated myself for missing his graduation, and his wedding.

“I would imagine. How could you ever leave Florida?” She joked and leaned into Steven's embrace.

I gave an awkward chuckle. “Uh my college years weren’t too bad out in California. New York is amazing too.”

“We always figured Erin would end up in a big city,” My dad added in with a wink. “She has big dreams.”

June smiled. “Do you have a special someone out in the city?”

“Kind of?” I giggled. “It’s complicated.”

“What ever happened to that nice boy and his band?” My mom asked while polishing off her chocolate cake.

“Alex? Oh we still talk.” I answered lamely.

“You dated a boy in a band?” June asked excitedly.

“Uh yeah for a good while.” I took another sip of my wine before glancing around for the waiter. This was going to get awkward.

“Did you like, go on tour?”

I laughed loudly. “I joined them on the road for a few weeks, yes.”

“How was it?” This time my brother asked trying to look disinterested. He was never as into festivals and concerts as I was, however, he always wanted to travel across the US.

“It was fun, I guess. Traveling was fun but after a while it was hard living in a bus with eight or nine different people. It kind of sucked being the only girl to.”

“I feel like if anyone could take on a bus full of rowdy band guys, its you.”

I smiled towards June, “Why do you say that?”

“You are so strong and confident.” She praised me. “This entire town talks about you like you are a hero. I mean you left everything behind to make a name of yourself, and you did.”

My mother reached over and grabbed my hand. “We are all so proud of you.”

“I didn’t know everyone thought that.” I was blushing. I had honestly thought that my parents were embarrassed of me. Choosing to go to an out of state school and pursue a useless degree. I thought I was the outcast of this town. The satisfaction I felt knowing that I was the one that people were envious of, amazed me.

“It’s true sis!”

“Wow,” I smiled. “Well it feels good to be home.”

“Yes, why are you in town? Not that we mind seeing you after so long.”

“I uh had some vacation time.”

“When do you leave?” My dad asked after he got the check from the waiter. I hadn’t really thought about when I should leave. In fact, nothing from this trip was really planned, they didn't need to know that though.

“Uh tomorrow probably. I have a big promotion coming up at work and it wouldn’t look too good if I was gone for an extended amount of time.”

My mom frowned. “So soon?”

I gave her a soft smile and her hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll be back soon. I promise.”

“Lets not dwell on this,” My dad clapped his hands. “Duck Dynasty is on the DVR and there is more beer at the house. Lets get a move on kids.” I laughed at my dad’s ability to please everyone. I hugged my brother and his wife goodbye. I told him I would try to be back down for the birth of the baby but more than likely I’ll just send them a nice gift. My brother rolled his eyes and June promised to send me the gifts she found in Vogue magazine that she liked.

I followed my parents out. Taking in all of my surroundings, being in downtown Orlando felt so foreign. Even though I could still point out the first bar I ever went in and the tattoo parlor where I got my first tattoo. I felt like a stranger to this city that gave me so much life. This city also gave me so much pain. I’ll never forget Kyle beating me in an ally because he caught me dancing with another guy. Or when I was arrested for underage drinking. I put my parents through a lot of shit trying to raise me. They didn’t deserve what I did to them.

It was amazing to think that I was a legend in this part of town. “The wild child who grew up to work in a big-time magazine.” I bet that made so many of my old friends so jealous. We used to feel as if we owned these streets, promising to meet up once a year and relive our wild days.

I was so young and naïve. I couldn’t believe that I thought those people were my actual friends. We had used each other up until there was nothing left. We had been there for the good and bad times but when it came down to it, we were all too selfish to give a damn. The same girls I grew up with were the same girls who spread rumors about me. This was a toxic town. The next step in moving on was going to be to rid myself of Orlando, once and for all.