These Four Words

I took the last flight of stairs two at a time. I was too anxious to take the elevator so my solution was to climb twenty stories, in four-inch heels. I don’t know what I was thinking either. I pushed open the heavy door and spotted my door immediately. It was half opened. A goofy grin took over my face.

“I got this,” I reminded myself as I straightened out my jacket. I took cautionary steps to my door. Through the crack I could barely make out Alex standing there.

“Alex,” I murmured slowly pushing the door open. His gazed snapped over to mine and he held an angry expression. As I pushed the door open wider I realized that Alex wasn’t alone.

“John?” The next figure turned around and I was met with his stone cold green eyes.

“Welcome home Erin,” I froze on the spot. I knew that voice anywhere.

“Kyle?” I asked trying to steady my voice.

“Miss me?” Kyle asked getting off my couch as he slowly walked over to me. “I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of inviting our friends here.” I looked over to Alex, he seemed like he wanted to beat Kyle’s face in. I did too. John seemed much more sad than anything else.

“What do you want Kyle? I thought I told you to leave me alone in Orlando?”

Kyle’s eyes sparkled at the mention. “When you held a knife up to my throat?” I glanced around quickly trying to register the amount of shock on everyone’s faces.

“We both know why I did that,” I spit out.

“You used to like my games,” Kyle pouted. "John here was telling me how you left him in Arizona. Did you tell him that it was to come see me?" I stood there speechless. I quickly glanced at John who was refusing to meet my gaze.

"I-I need closure."

Kyle smirked. "I guess this is my closure then. Now my dear Erin, do you have anything you would like to tell these two gentlemen?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked growing nervous. I had no idea where he was going with this.

“Cut the fucking act Erin! We already know.” Alex growled out. My eyes snapped towards his figure. My heart was in my throat. This was the guy that I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with? This can't be happening.

“What?” I asked looking over towards John for some clarification.

“The baby,” Kyle trailed off. “Our baby.” My blood ran cold. I knew Kyle was going to out this. Fuck. How did he find out? I should have told them. Fuck. I should have told them. My head began to spin. This isn’t happening.

“The baby,” I repeated putting my hand against the wall for some kind of support.

“You killed our baby,” Alex accused. “How could you have not told me? Huh? What kind of fucked up person keeps this from the father.”

“Alex you don’t understand!” I tried to argue, though I was much to weak. I felt like my knees were going to give out any moment.

“Yeah Alex,” Kyle pouted. Alex had just about enough of Kyle’s antics because the next thing I know Kyle is lying on the ground with blood pouring out of his nose. Nobody moved to go help him. I wanted someone to do more than just break Kyle's nose.

“I couldn’t have a way of knowing if the baby was ours or if it was his.” I glanced towards the mess that Kyle was on the floor. “I couldn’t take that risk.”

“You killed a baby because you cheated on Alex?” John asked me, finally joining the conversation.

“No you don’t understand.” I urged feeling the tears prick at my eyes. “Kyle h-he-he-,” I couldn’t find the words.

“Raped her.” Alex finished for me. John’s eyes softened for a minute before his glare took over again.

“We could have figured it out! If you hadn’t fucking run away! You are such a coward!” Alex roared before he turned back to Kyle. In a mater of seconds Alex jumped on him and began beating the shit out of him. I could only hear the sound of Alex’s fist hitting Kyle’s skin over and over. It was oddly satisfying. I thought I was over this. It took me months to move on from. I didn't want to do it, but I had no choice. I couldn't take care of a baby on my own, without a job. I couldn't ruin Alex's career for a slim chance the baby was his. I did what I thought was best.

John eventually pulled Alex off of Kyle.

“You ruined everything!” Alex shouted.

“Erin will always be mine.” Kyle managed to get out between gasp of air. “Always.” Alex went to go hit him again, but John was there holding him back.

“Get the fuck out of here man,” John nudged Kyle’s body with his foot. Kyle didn’t need to be told twice. He quickly got up and limped towards the door, pausing to grin at me.

“Never talk to her again!” Alex yelled.

“Do not let us catch you around her.” John told him sternly. Kyle cocked his eyebrow at me in a playful manner.

“Leave me alone Kyle, haven’t you caused enough trouble?”

“I will always love you, Erin.” He murmured closing his eyes. “Goodbye.”

Once Kyle slammed the door shut, an uncomfortable silence fell over us. I didn’t want to face either one of them. I couldn’t face either one of them.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Alex yelled in frustration.

“Alex please,” I begged. “Hear me out.” Alex stopped pacing back and forth to look at me.

“I can’t do it anymore. I should have listen to everyone. I can’t trust you! You lied to me about John and you kept the abortion from me. You run from your problems. I can’t be around that. I’m sorry.” Alex slipped on his jacket and walked right up to me. He placed a small kiss on my forehead. “I’m sorry.” His whispered one last time before he walked out. I felt tears slip out. Through my blurred vision I could see John putting on his leather jacket. My heart broke.

“You too?” I asked. John glanced at me with a sorrowful look.

“I just need some time to process this.”

“What happened to you would love me no matter what?”

John walked over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “I do love you no matter what, but you can’t tell me that you weren’t about to walk in here and choose Alex, can you?” I shook my head no. “I thought so. I just need time.” He took two steps back and glanced at me once more before he walked out of my apartment. My body dropped to the floor and I began to sob.

How could this have happened? In a matter of two hours I lost my job and both men in my life. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to have a happy ending? I mean how could any ending be happy? Something ending shouldn’t bring happiness.

I wasn’t allowed to be happy.

I was too much of a horrible person to be allowed happiness.

I understood now. I was this broken piece that the boys thought they could fix, but I became too much. I always become too much. So I did what I always do and I grabbed a bottle of whisky and my suitcase.

It was time to run.