Why Don't I Like Girls Anymore?
2
Wednesday 17th March
11am
School sucks. It's one big marathon of awkwardness, misunderstanding and embarrassment. If you're me, that is.
Why does Cathy have to be in the same class as me? Why?
I tried my best to avoid her, but I had to sit next to her in Maths seeming as my seating plan obsessed Maths teacher, Mr. Dalton, has decided to move the class around yet again. How unfortunate for both of us. Even more unfortunate, it was a double lesson.
I couldn't concentrate at all because I was deciding whether to say sorry or not. If I did I might gain forgiveness, but maybe if I didn't then I could lead her to believe that I didn't actually see her. Yeah, I took the delusional option and didn't apologize at all. She must think I'm a perverted weirdo now. Great.
After I decided not to whisper sorry, I couldn't help but play the whole situation over in my head and, like a broken record, it played the part where I glimpsed her over and over and over...
I felt really embarrassed that I was thinking about it even though it didn't excite me at all. All I could think about was the excruciating embarrassment of the moment. The look of horror twisting her pretty face.
Embarrassment seems to be the word to sum up my life right now.
Now I'm hiding in my usual quiet place - leaning against the back wall of the school overlooking the field. Seeming as it's such a cold day hardly anyone is outside. Only the hardcore football players. The cold doesn't bother me. Neither does football, if indeed any sport.
Here comes one of my two friends, Julian. He's always complaining about my fanatic diary writing, so I better put it away. I've decided to talk to Julian about the whole topless situation. Julian always seems to always have the right thing to say about matters such as these.
11:15am
Julian could hardly contain his laughter when I talked about seeing Cathy in her bra.
'You and half the other guys in school.' he said whilst laughing.
He explained that Cathy 'got around' a lot and because I always kept my nose out of popularity and gossip (basically because I only liked two people in school) it all went over my head. Sounds about right.
Then I told him about the awkward part. About my... lack of reaction.
For once Julian paused to mull over this and then he looked at me. I didn't like the seriousness in his eyes.
'Maybe you're gay.' he said bluntly.
I didn't know how to react to this and, honestly, I still don't know how to react. I would have never thought of this option - it always felt natural to assume I was straight.
I don't know whether he took my sudden silence as shock or quiet submission.
'Have a think about it.' he said and got up. I watched him walk away in utter confusion.
Am I straight?
Am I gay?
Who am I?
I think I'll be the last person to know.
11am
School sucks. It's one big marathon of awkwardness, misunderstanding and embarrassment. If you're me, that is.
Why does Cathy have to be in the same class as me? Why?
I tried my best to avoid her, but I had to sit next to her in Maths seeming as my seating plan obsessed Maths teacher, Mr. Dalton, has decided to move the class around yet again. How unfortunate for both of us. Even more unfortunate, it was a double lesson.
I couldn't concentrate at all because I was deciding whether to say sorry or not. If I did I might gain forgiveness, but maybe if I didn't then I could lead her to believe that I didn't actually see her. Yeah, I took the delusional option and didn't apologize at all. She must think I'm a perverted weirdo now. Great.
After I decided not to whisper sorry, I couldn't help but play the whole situation over in my head and, like a broken record, it played the part where I glimpsed her over and over and over...
I felt really embarrassed that I was thinking about it even though it didn't excite me at all. All I could think about was the excruciating embarrassment of the moment. The look of horror twisting her pretty face.
Embarrassment seems to be the word to sum up my life right now.
Now I'm hiding in my usual quiet place - leaning against the back wall of the school overlooking the field. Seeming as it's such a cold day hardly anyone is outside. Only the hardcore football players. The cold doesn't bother me. Neither does football, if indeed any sport.
Here comes one of my two friends, Julian. He's always complaining about my fanatic diary writing, so I better put it away. I've decided to talk to Julian about the whole topless situation. Julian always seems to always have the right thing to say about matters such as these.
11:15am
Julian could hardly contain his laughter when I talked about seeing Cathy in her bra.
'You and half the other guys in school.' he said whilst laughing.
He explained that Cathy 'got around' a lot and because I always kept my nose out of popularity and gossip (basically because I only liked two people in school) it all went over my head. Sounds about right.
Then I told him about the awkward part. About my... lack of reaction.
For once Julian paused to mull over this and then he looked at me. I didn't like the seriousness in his eyes.
'Maybe you're gay.' he said bluntly.
I didn't know how to react to this and, honestly, I still don't know how to react. I would have never thought of this option - it always felt natural to assume I was straight.
I don't know whether he took my sudden silence as shock or quiet submission.
'Have a think about it.' he said and got up. I watched him walk away in utter confusion.
Am I straight?
Am I gay?
Who am I?
I think I'll be the last person to know.
♠ ♠ ♠
eheh... feedback would be good :)