Breaking the Habit

-Michelle-
When I opened my eyes, I was alone in bed.
“Babe?” I called.
“Bathroom, hang on.” he called, flushing the toilet.
He opened the door, “Good morning.” he kissed me.
“What do you say we go on that honeymoon? I’m not doing treatment, so there’s nothing really stopping us.” he sat on the bed.
“Because I’m almost six months pregnant. What kind of fun can we have?” I asked.
“We can do plenty, baby. Where do you want to go?” He asked.
“I don’t know. I’d forgotten all about the honeymoon. Didn’t figure you’d want to take me anywhere after what I did.” I said.
“Oh are you talking about fucking my best friend the day after our wedding? Bygones, Michelle, Bygones.” He said.
I smiled, “I know that’s supposed to be funny, but it still sounded a little petty.” I said.
“Hey, I’m trying at least.” He shrugged.
“Well, where were you thinking?” I asked.
“I heard you’ve never been to Italy.” He shrugged.
“No, I haven’t. I want to.” I was changing clothes.
He stood up and put his hands on my hips, “Well, let’s go to Italy. You and me.” He kissed my neck.
A chill ran down my spine and my heart skipped a beat.
“But first, let me make love to my beautiful wife.” He whispered.
My breath caught in my throat and I but my lip.
“Don’t say a word, baby. Just lie down, and let me make you feel good.” He whispered.
I did as I was told, and laid across the bed wearing nothing but my panties.
He started to take them off, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.
“That had better be God or the police.” He sighed.
“Should I get dressed or..”
“Stay where you are!” He called.
I laid my head back on the pillow.
“Oh my god, seriously?!” He sighed.
I didn’t move.
“Michelle!” He yelled.
I sat up and threw my robe on, walking down the hall, tying it closed around me.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, giving Mike a look.
“Came to get my shirt back.”
“I haven’t found it, but your underwear are clean.” I said turning to get them.
“Change your clothes, you can see through that robe!” Chester called.
I looked down.
The silk robe was very thin, almost transparent, leaving nothing to the imagination.
I went into the bedroom and shut the door, taking the robe off and pulling a t-shirt on with some shorts.
I stopped in the kitchen, grabbed his underwear off the dryer, and went back to the door.
“Here, if I find your shirt, I’ll call you.” I said.
“I just found it.” He nodded down.
I looked down, “Oh this is your shirt? I’m sorry.” I said.
I turned and went back to the bedroom, pulling the shirt off and pulling one of Chester’s shirts on, and went back to the door.
“Here.” I handed it to him.
“Now you’ve got no more reason to bother us. Goodbye.” Chester slammed the door shut.
“Wait!” He called.
I stood there, staring at the door.
“Don’t you do it, Michelle.” Chester said from the kitchen.
“I wanted to apologize.” Mike said through the door.
I looked at Chester.
“No.” He glared.
“Just go on, Mike.” I turned and walked down the hall to the bedroom.
Chester followed me, and closed the door.
“Don’t bother. It’s not happening.” I said flatly.
“Seriously?” He asked.
“Seriously. I have a headache, and I just don’t feel like it anymore.” I changed clothes and started doing my hair.
“You wanted to before he showed up.” He snapped.
“Well, seeing him just totally killed the mood.” I said.
“Why, because I’m not him?” He asked angrily.
“No, because you’re pissed off at him, and if I remember correctly, the last time we did that, you got those scratches on your arm, and I got these.” I held up my wrists.
“Besides, seeing him just reminds me of what I did, and it makes me feel bad about it, which in turn kills the mood.” I finished.
“Yeah, sure.” He takes off his shirt and goes into the bathroom.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“What the fuck do you think I’m doing?” He yelled through the door.
I heard the shower turn on and rolled my eyes.

I went into the living room and searched for my shoes.
I heard Chester cursing to himself in the shower.
I made a cup of tea and sat on the couch to wait for him.
Right after I sat down, my phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Michelle, don’t hang up.”
I sighed, “You know, you are making my life a real living hell around here.” I started.
“I know, I’m sorry. Just hear me out. Where is Chester?”
“Shower, he’s pissed off at me for not wanting to have sex, so he’s in the shower taking care of it himself.” I said.
“Oh. Well I wanted to say that I’m sorry for just showing up. I was going to call, but I know that you won’t answer if he’s around.”
“Well, you took your chances this time.” I said, looking down the hall.
“I assumed you’d ignore it, and I was going to leave you a voicemail.” He replied.
“Well I don’t know how much time you’ve got, so talk.” I said.
“I’m sorry that I keep screwing things up for you. I do still love you and..”
“I’m going to stop you right there. Bye.” I hung up on him, throwing my phone on the couch just as I heard the bathroom door open.
“Michelle, where are you?”
“Living room, why?” I called.
“Because I want to talk to you.”
“Only if you can be nice.” I replied.
“I’ll try.” He offered.
I rolled my eyes and struggled to my feet, walking to the bedroom.
“What is it?” I asked.
“I’m sorry babe. I’m just frustrated with everything and it’s not all your fault, but I keep taking it out on you.” He said.
“Look, I’m under a lot of stress right now, all because of what I did, but you taking this shit out on me isn’t helping.”
“I know. But you don’t get that close to fucking me and then just change your mind. That’s just wrong.”
“Having sex with you got me in this situation, and I’m kind of getting to the point of misery, so excuse me if I’m nit super into the idea.” I rolled my eyes.
“Oh so you regret sleeping with me that first night?” He asked.
“That’s not what I fucking said. I said I just don’t feel like it because I’m miserable right now. Sex just isn’t appealing to me because my back and pelvis already fucking hurt from carrying this baby.” I said.
“Well you’re over halfway through. But don’t make it sound like you don’t want it. Because we both know you do.” He slammed the bathroom door in my face.
I turned and laid on the bed, sobbing into the pillow.
I heard the door open, “Michelle, baby I’m sorry.”
“Just leave me be, Chester.” I got up and went into the living room.
“You’re the one who fucking started it!”
He yelled at me from the bedroom.
“Just leave me alone!” I shouted back.
“You don’t get to cry and play victim, you did this to yourself!” He came down the hall.
“I know that! Just leave me alone!” I screamed at him.
He was finally face-to-face with me, “I’m trying to let this go, but you’re making it very hard.”
“You’re pissed off about something else I’ve made hard and won’t do anything about.” I said glaring.
He stepped back and swung his arm, the back of his hand colliding with my face.
I lost my balance, falling backwards into the coffee table, breaking it.
I fell so hard, it knocked the breath out of me, and I sat up, gasping for air, holding my stomach.
He changed in an instant, immediately kneeling to my side.
“Get away from me!” I screamed, shoving him away.
The pain in my back and legs was overwhelming, and I soon gave up on getting back to my feet, falling back into the mess of splintered wood and broken glass.
My cheek stung and I wanted to cry.
“Let me help you.” He reached for my hand and I pushed it away, “Don’t fucking touch me.” I snapped.
He became angry and belligerent, slapping me again, “Fine, fucking lay there then, bitch.” He sneered, going to the bedroom and slamming the door.
I was in so much pain, I couldn’t move anymore, both cheeks on fire, my eyes filled with tears.
I bit my lip to hold in the sobs, and put my hands on my stomach.
That’s when the panic set in, “Bailee?!” I patted my stomach and poked, but she never moved.
“Bailee!!” I cried louder, shaking my body.
Nothing.
“Oh god.” I let the sobs out, and tried to sit up, this time making myself ignore the pain.
“Chester!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
He didn’t answer.
I managed to get to my feet, and pull myself up in the arm of the couch, I called him again, “Chester!!!”
The door swung open and in a furious rush, he came to the living room, “WHAT???”
I choked back a sob, “Bailee.” I whispered, falling to my knees.
His face changed and he swept me up into his arms, “What’s wrong with her???” He asked.
“She’s not moving anymore.” I coughed.
“We’re going to the hospital.” He starts for the door.
“No! Remember what that cop said? If we ended up back in the emergency room, they’d deem us unfit and have her taken from us.” I pulled away.
“If we don’t go, she could die!” He cried.
My knees gave out and he had to catch me, as the pain ripped through my body.
I cried out, clinging to him.
“We’re going.” He said, carrying me to the car.

The pain didn’t let up, it only got worse, and that’s when I realized that I was in labor.
“Oh no.” I cried.
“What? What is it?” He was hysterical.
“Babe, I’m in labor.” I whispered.
“What? No you’re not, it’s way too early!” He said.
“It’s getting worse every minute, this is labor.” I stated.
“Has your water broken yet?” He asked.
“I don’t know, I didn’t realize what this was until just now.” I whined, squeezing his arm.
“We’re almost there.” I could hear the fear in his voice.
I groaned loudly.

We reached the hospital and Chester carried me in.
“My wife is in labor. She’s 22 weeks pregnant.” He sobbed.
The nurse took us into a bay, and the doctor walked in behind us.
“Feet up.” He said.
Still writhing in pain and screaming, I put my feet into the stirrups.
“Your water isn’t broken, we can still stop the labor.” He beckoned the nurse to fetch him Terbutaline.
He grabbed the bedside sonogram machine and pressed it to my stomach, while another nurse started an I.V in my arm.
“Lydia, hold off on the terbutaline.” He called.
“What? Why?” Chester asked.
The doctor sighed, rubbing his forehead, “The baby has no heartbeat. She’ll have to deliver it stillborn.” He said quietly.
My heart shattered and I screamed out in a different kind of pain.
“She’s gone?!” Chester asked, in tears.
He looks down sadly, “I’m so sorry.”
“But how?” He asked.
“Well, sometimes it just happens and we don’t know why, or what caused it. Sometimes the heart just stops, and the body goes into labor to expel it.” He explained.
“No!” I wailed, clinging to Chester.

I had to endure 11 hours of labor to give birth to my stillborn daughter.
They wrapped her tiny body in a blanket and laid her on my chest, where I finally just lost it.
She was less than a pound and not even a foot in length.
I ran my finger across her face and sobbed my heart out.
I had to spend the rest of the night and part of the next morning in the hospital, and arranging what to do with Bailee’s body.
We chose to have her cremated and keep her ashes, then signing paperwork upon my release.

The ride home was silent and tense, most of which I spent fighting back tears and holding my flat empty stomach.
When we got home, Chester helped me into the house, where he helped me take a shower, dress and then get into bed, where I cried myself to sleep in his arms.

I woke up to someone knocking on the front door, and sleepily got out of bed to answer it.
When I opened the door, I was greeted by Mike.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I stepped out into the porch and closed the door behind me.
“Came to check on you. Make sure you’re okay.”
I wasn’t going to say anything, but instinctively I looked down at my stomach and the tears started, “No, I’m not okay Mike.” I dropped my head into my hands.
“Well what’s wrong?” He asked.
I picked up my shirt to show him my stomach.
His eyes grew, “Wh-Wh-Where’s the baby?” He stammered.
“She’s gone, Mike. I fell down coming down the hall last night, and we went to the hospital after I realized she wasn’t moving anymore. She had no heartbeat, and I was already in labor, so they let me deliver her stillborn. We’re having her cremated.” I sniffled.
“Oh my god what happened? How did you fall?” He asked of my lie.
“I tripped over my own foot and fell on my stomach.”
He hugged me, “Oh my god Michelle, I am so sorry.” He sobbed.
“It just wasn’t meant to be.” I replied.
“Where is Chester?” He asked.
“Asleep. We both were when you got here.” I stepped back and wiped my face.
“How’s he taking this?” He asked.
“Not well. He won’t talk to me, he won’t talk at all.” I said.
“I’m sorry this had to happen to you. I know how much you already loved that little girl.” He hugged me again.
“She was my everything already, and she’s just gone.” I sobbed.
“Does anyone else know yet?” He asked.
“You’re the first person either of us has told.” I looked over my shoulder into the silent house.
“Oh baby, I don’t know what to say. I know there’s nothing I can say or do to change what’s happened, but I want to badly to make you feel better.” He sniffled.
“What you can do for me, is take care of Kayla and your baby. Don’t let her do anything that could harm them. Save yours where I couldn’t save mine. Your baby has a chance to live.” I sobbed.
“I will. I promise.” He said.
“And don’t say anything to anyone, I’m not ready to talk about it or tell anyone else yet. I need time to figure this out and make sense of these feelings. Chester and I want to be alone to grieve.” I said.
“I won’t, I swear. It’s yours to tell.” He said.
“Go home. Pretend this didn’t happen.” I turned and went in the house, closing the door behind me.
I stopped and stared at the mess of splintered wood and shattered glass in the middle of the living room floor, and I sobbed again.
This woke Chester, who came down the hall, and wrapped me in a hug, not speaking a word.
He held me and we both cried.

I forced myself to pull it together and get up off the floor, “I’m going to make coffee.” I said.
He sat there, staring at the destroyed coffee table, not saying a word.
I started the coffee pot, and sat at the table, staring at the floor.
“Michelle.” his voice sounded foreign after not hearing it for so long.
“Yes?” I asked, looking toward the living room.
“I’m sorry.” he finally said.
“For what?” I asked.
“For hurting you, and for killing our daughter.”
My blood ran cold and I bit my tongue, as I hadn’t thought of it that way.
“You didn’t mean to hurt her. And I had it coming.” I said.
I heard footsteps and he came into the kitchen, “No you didn’t. I lost my temper, and I made a mistake. A mistake that cost us our baby. I will never forgive myself for this.” He said.
“Chester, I pushed you past your breaking point. I did this, it’s my fault. If I’d just left it alone and let you cool off after the fight, you wouldn’t have gotten angry and done what you did. And Bailee would still be here.” I said.
“No Michelle, I didn’t have to hit you, I chose to do that. And by choosing that, I hurt you and caused our daughter to die.” he said.
“What am I going to do now? I’d planned my whole life around being her mom, and now I’m never going to be.” I felt the tears coming again.
“You would’ve been a great mother, Michelle.” he sat next to me, hugging me again.
“I already loved her more than anything in the world.” The tears were falling.
“I know, I did too. I’m sorry.” he whispered.
“How do I tell people that my baby is gone? How do I explain what happened?” I asked.
“We’ll figure it out. In the meantime, you don’t have to tell anyone anything until you’re ready to.” he said.
I looked up at him, “I need a drink.” I said.
He kissed my forehead, “I need an eightball.” he whispered.
“Sobriety is for good people, and I’m not a good person.” I said standing, and pouring myself a glass of whiskey.
“That’s not true.” Chester replied, pouring himself a drink.
“Chester, I fucked your best friend the DAY after we got married. Because I was horny and upset about you leaving. I USED him for sex and then just threw him away. I hurt you, and I hurt him for my own selfish gain, not to mention that I shot heroin in a hotel room while pregnant with our daughter. I’m the furthest thing from a good person.” I finished the glass, and poured another.
“You’re human, and humans make mistakes.” He said, brushing my hair out of my face.
“I make a lot of them. Big ones. I can’t just make small mistakes. When I do it, I go whole hog, go big or go home.” I said.
“I love you anyway, and I still consider myself the luckiest man alive that I got you to marry me.” he whispered, kissing my cheek.
“You shouldn’t, I mean look at us.” I was crying again.
“I know, we’re a pathetic set, aren’t we?” He started crying too.
“Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten married. Maybe that was our mistake.” I sobbed.
“I don’t think we’re good for each other. None of this would’ve ever happened if I hadn’t cheated on you in the first place.” I continued.
“Do you think we should split up?” He asked, pouring another drink.
I finished mine, taking the bottle from him, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want right now.” I gave up on pouring whiskey in the cup, opting instead to turn the bottle upside down and drink the remainder of the contents.
“How do we figure it out?” He grabbed the bottle of vodka.
I shrugged, “We drink until either we make another bad decision, or kill each other, and go from there.” I grabbed the bottle tequila and took the lid off, chugging it.
“What worse could we possibly do?” he shrugged.
I tried to go to the bathroom to pee, but as soon as I turned, my head began to spin from all the alcohol I’d consumed in just five minute’s time.
I stumbled back against the counter, laughing, “Boy this feels like old times.” I looked at him.
He smiled at me, and kissed me, “Just like old times.”
“It’s been a long time since we got loaded and had sex.” I pulled his shirt off, kissing him harder.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks, unbuttoning my shirt.
I looked up at him, “Of course I do, I do still love you.” I said.
“I just don’t know, after what’s happened.” he said.
“You’re right. We need more alcohol.” I grabbed the bottles and motioned for me to follow him to the bedroom.
I stumbled clumsily down the hall, setting the bottles on the dresser.
I stripped down to nothing, “Chester, where are you?” I called, grabbing the bottle and taking another big drink.
He appeared in the doorway, slumping against it.
When he saw me, his eyes grew, and he smiled, “Wow, you are still fucking hot.” he stumbled forward, catching himself on the bed.
“I know, now come and get it.” I beckoned him over with my finger.

It was 3 in the afternoon when I woke up again, blinking in the sunlight.
My head was pounding and my mouth was dry.
I sat up and saw the empty tequila bottle on the dresser, and the empty vodka bottle in the floor.
“Chester.” I roused him from his sleep, shaking his shoulder.
“Huh?” he didn’t open his eyes.
“Wake up, babe.” I replied holding my head.
His eyes opened and he groaned, “My head.” he covered his eyes with his hands.
“We overdid it, I think.” I sat up.
“A little bit.” he said.
I looked down at my naked body, and the guilt returned as soon as I saw my stomach.
“To hell with this.” I threw the blanket off and went down the hall to the kitchen, where I started digging through the cabinets for more liquor.
“What are you doing?” Chester asked, stumbling into the kitchen.
“Looking for something.” I replied.
“Babe, we drank what little we had left.” He said.
“Then I’m going to the liquor store.” I picked up the keys.
“Michelle, you’re naked.” He said.
I turned around and went back to the bedroom, putting on clothes and then back down the hall.
“Are you really off the wagon?” he asked.
“Yes. When I screw up my life, I go all out, remember? This is no exception, you going or not?” I asked, shortly.
He looked over at the wrecked table that we still hadn’t cleaned up, and sighed, “Whole hog. Let’s do this.” He said.
He threw clothes on, and followed me out the door.

We bought enough liquor to sustain a month’s worth of college keggers and loaded the car.
When we got home, we started over, drinking until we couldn’t stand upright, and ended up having sex on the couch.
Next time, I woke up on top of him, but this time, someone was knocking on the door.
“Hold on!” I called, pulling myself up.
I got dressed and opened the front door to be met with my older sister.
“Hey sis. I wanted to apologize for being so hard on you.” Chauntelle hugged me, then stepped back, “Jesus Michelle, you smell like a bar.” she wrinkled her nose.
I stepped away from her.
She looked me up and down, from my messy hair, make up running down my cheeks, to my flat stomach and bare feet.
“What the hell?” She reached out and pulled my shirt up, looking at my stomach.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Chaun.” I muttered, pulling my shirt down.
“Oh my god, you lost the baby, and you relapsed. You drank.” she said.
I broke down, “I said I don’t want to talk about it, Chauntelle.” I sobbed.
“Michelle, what happened?” she asked, reaching to hug me.
I pushed her arm away, “Please leave. I can’t deal with this right now.” I said.
Chester walked in, tying his shorts, “What’s going on?”
“Chester, tell me what happened to Bailee.” She demanded, teary eyed.
“Chauntelle, we’re not ready to talk about this yet.” He said.
“Fine, but tell me what happened, where is she?” She asked.
He sighed, “Michelle tripped coming down the hallway and fell on her stomach, so we took her to the hospital to check on the baby, but she didn’t have a heartbeat, and since the fall put her into pre-term labor, they had her go ahead and deliver the baby.” he put his arma round me, pulling me into a hug.
“When did all of this happen?? Why the hell didn’t you call anyone??” She asked.
“Chauntelle, we’ve been through a lot, and it was and is still difficult. We’re grieving.” he said.
“Grieving?? You’re drinking and fucking, that’s no way to deal with your pain. You need to talk to someone, go to therapy, do something, anything but this!!!” She cried.
“Chaun, do you really think this is helping?” He remained calm.
Her anger dissolved and she began to cry, “I’m just so scared for both of you. I don’t want to lose my sister to drugs and alcohol again, and I don’t want to lose you either.” She said.
Just then, Mike’s car pulled up to the curb, he and Kayla getting out.
Kayla didn’t look angry for once, I noticed.
She came right up to me and hugged me, “Michelle I am so sorry.” She said.
I looked at Mike, while Chester looked at me.
“He told you?” I whispered.
“He did. And I’m sorry I said the things I did. I was mad at you and hurt, but I’d never wish this on anyone.” She whispered.
“Chester I’m sorry.” Mike hugged him, and to my surprise, he hugged back, breaking down in tears.
“How did you know?” Chester asked.
“I came by to check on her earlier this morning and she told me, made me swear not to say anything, but when I got home I was crying and Kayla asked why, so I told her. We wanted to make sure you were both okay.” He said
“They’re not. They’ve been drinking like fish and fucking like rabbits.” Chauntelle said, crossing her arms.
“But you were both sober and doing better.” Mike said.
“We all fall off the wagon sometimes.” I said, biting back tears.
“But you two can’t afford to fall off the wagon.” He said hugging me.
“Too late.” Chauntelle commented.
“Is that ALL that you’ve done?” He asked.
“If you’re asking if we’ve used heroin, the answer is no.” Chester said.
“Well that’s a relief.” Chauntelle sighed.
“In a way. But this is still bad.” Mike said.
“Meaning what?” I asked, looking between them.
“Meaning you both need help.” He answered.
I looked at Chester who looked over his shoulder into the living room at the table.
“What happened there?” Chauntelle asked, following his eyes.
“I was drunk and fell over on the table.” I lied.
“Jesus Michelle. Are you okay?” She asked.
“Some cuts and bruises but I’ll be okay.” I shrugged.
“Let me see.” Mike went behind me and lifted my shirt.
I looked up at Chester, who was pleading with his eyes for me not to tell the truth.
“Christ, you’re black and blue, and you’ve got deep gashes all over your back. Did you go to the hospital?” Mike asked.
“I’d literally just left the hospital a few hours before, after being there for eleven hours. No. I got the bleeding to stop on my own, and I’m fine.” I said.
“That looks really bad.” Chauntelle said.
I pulled my shirt down, “It’s not the first injury I’ve gotten, and I doubt it’s the last.” I went in the house.
“You not making a habit out of this.” Mike followed me.
“It’s my life.” I told him, getting a bottle of water out of the fridge.
“Look I get that you’re going through something terrible. But you have to try and be a better person. For Bailee.” He said.
I gave him a look, “Why would I be a better person for someone who never got to know me in the first place?”
“She knew you. More than you thought. Be a better person for the next child you have.” He said.
“Who said I was having another child?” I replied sharply.
Chester looked up from making coffee at me, “What?”
“I’m obviously not meant to be a mother. So what’s the point?” I sat down at the table.
“What happened to her isn’t your fault. You can’t give up on being a mom. You’d be a great mom.” Chauntelle said.
“I’m nobody’s mom. I’m a drunk that doesn’t care about anyone but herself.” I said.
“Michelle.” Chester said.
“No, Chester. It’s not going to happen. So don’t.” I said.
“Babe,”
“All if you leave me alone.” I said, going to the bedroom.
I stopped in the doorway, and turned around.
“Is that what you want, a baby?” I asked, knowing that he would be right behind me.
“Yes.” He said.
I forced a smile through building tears, “Then go have one. With someone that will take care of both of you. Because that’s not me.” I kissed his cheek and turned back around.
“What are you saying?” He asked.
I lugged my suitcase onto the bed, “I’m leaving babe. You asked if we should stay together, and try to get through this? And I said that I didn’t know, well now I know. It’s not worth it. I love you, but I have fucked everything up exponentially. I think it’s better if we just end this here and now before anything else bad happens.” I started packing my clothes.
“Where will you go?” He asked tearfully.
“I don’t know yet, but I’ll figure something out.” I replied.
“You’re just going to leave me after what we just went through?” He asked.
I turned and shut the door, giving us privacy.
“You forget exactly what happened yesterday? How the table really got broken? That was both of our fault, but the bottom line is, you caused it. We’re not good for each other, Chester.” I said.
“Babe you know that I’m sorry…” He started.
“I know you are, but that doesn’t change the fact that it happened, and our daughter is gone because of it.” I finished packing my clothes and zipped the suitcase.
I turned to him, slipping my ring off my finger, and handing it to him, “The right girl is out there for you, but it isn’t me. I love you, and I’m sorry. I’ll come for the rest of my stuff when I figure out the living situation.” I picked up my suitcase and walked out of the room.

Everyone was in the kitchen when I walked by, but none of them said anything, except Chauntelle, “What are you doing?” She followed me to the front door.
“What’s best for both of us. He wants a baby, and I don’t, so I’m letting him go, so he can find someone to give him a baby, and a happy faithful marriage. Because this one has none of that.” I picked my suitcase up and walked out the door without another word.

I put the suitcase in the backseat of the car and looked at the house one last time, my sister still standing in the doorway.
“I don’t belong here.” I whispered.