Battle Symphony

-Michelle-
“Mickey.” Chauntelle whispered.
I opened my eyes, and looked around.
“What’s up?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.
“Dad’s making breakfast, told me to wake you up.” She said.
“I’m up.” I sat up.
“Sleep well?” She asked.
I gave her a look, “No.”
“Why not?” She asked.
“Let’s just say, I’m not used to sleeping beside someone who does karate in her sleep.” I stood up and stretched.
“I have weird dreams.” She shrugged.
“My daughter doesn’t even kick that much.” I brushed my hair back into a ponytail.
“She’s six months old, just wait.” Chauntelle opened the door.

I walked into the kitchen, greeted by everyone.
“Morning Michelle.” Kim smiled.
“Good morning.” I sat down at the bar and poured a cup of coffee.
“You look cheerful.” Dad commented, flipping an omelet.
“I remember why I could never share a bed with Chauntelle growing up.” I gave her a look.
“Oh damn it, were out of eggs. Mickey, make a grocery store trip for me?” Dad asked.
“Sure dad, let me change.” I replied.
I went down the hall and changed clothes.
“Thanks Mouse.” Dad hugged me as I walked out the door.

I walked up and down the aisles of the same grocery store we’d been shopping at since I was a kid, mostly killing time so that I didn’t have to be subjected to my family.
“Michelle? Is that you?”
I turned around, “William?”
He smiled and nodded, “I haven’t seen you since I left you at the airport two years ago.” We hugged.
“I haven’t been back since then.” I said.
“How have you been?” He asked.
“Well, I got married.” I held up my hand.
“I see that, that’s beautiful. How’s that little girl?” He asked.
My smile faded, “Oh, Bailee didn’t make it. I miscarried shortly after I moved back to California.” I explained shamefully.
“Oh Michelle, I’m so sorry.” He said.
“It was hard, but we made it through. We got our little girl though. I got pregnant again about a month later, and now we have a beautiful little girl named Brynlee Faith.” I opened my phone and showed him a picture.
“Oh she is beautiful. How old is she?” He asked.
“Six months old now.” I replied.
“Well congratulations to you both. I’m glad you two were able to work things out.” He said.
“Oh trust me, it wasn’t easy. There were a lot of trials and tribulations to get to where we are, but life is finally good, and we’re very happy.” I said.
“That’s fantastic, what brings you to the Windy City?” He asked.
“Well, I finally started working on new music, so I’m here working with some of Dad’s friends on it, and dad’s birthday is this weekend, so not only am I here, the whole Kennedy gang is in town, and it has been fun. I was around my brother for five minutes before I threw away nearly two years of sobriety, but you know how that is.” I said.
“You’ll get it back. I know how your family drives you crazy, but they smother because they love, Michelle.” He said.
“I’m just ready to go home. This is the first time I’ve been away from Brynn since she was born, and I miss her. I miss them both.” I sighed
“Well how much longer until you go home?” He asked.
“Three days.” I replied.
“It’ll go by quick. Just don’t let Angelo and Derek get to you too much.” He smiled.
“Easier said than done.” I rolled my eyes.
He laughed, “So how is Chester doing?” He asked.
“He’s good, he’s doing much better than he was. Neither of us have used since before I got pregnant with Brynlee, and we managed not to drink until here in the past week.” I said.
“Well, that’s all good news. I’m sure you two will find sobriety again.”
“I’m starting to lose my mind without him, he’s the sane half of me.” I chuckled.
“Makes me happy to hear you say that, I always hoped you’d find someone who made you happy and took care of you.” He said.
“Chester does, even though I’ve hurt him, and he’s hurt me, we still love each other.”
I heard my phone in my pocket, “Crap, that’s probably my dad wondering where I am.” I sighed, taking it out of my purse.
“Hello?”
“Mickey, I sent you to the store for eggs a half hour ago. What on earth are you doing?” He asked.
“Sorry dad, I ran into someone I knew and got to talking. I’m on my way back now.” I said.
“It’s okay Mick, don’t hurry back.” He replied.
“I won’t be long dad, I promise.” I said.
“See you when you get back then.” He said, hanging up.
“You’d better get going. You’ve got a horde waiting for those eggs.” William smiled.
“I guess so. It was nice to see you. We should get coffee and catch up some more before I go home on Monday.” I said.
“That sounds like an idea. Here’s my number, just call me and we’ll set something up, okay?” he asked.
I nodded and hugged him tightly, “I will. You take care of yourself, okay?” I asked.
“I will. You too.” he walked away.

I paid for the eggs and headed home.
“Dad, Michelle is back!” Derek called, taking the bag from me.
“Sorry guys. I ran into William at the grocery store and we were catching up.” I hung my coat up.
“Your ex-boyfriend? The same one who broke your heart and send you into a downward spiral that almost killed you?” Angelo asked.
I gave him a look, “Yes, him. It’s something called forgive and forget, Angelo. Without it I’d still be alone.” I sat down.
“Yeah, because lying and cheating are traits you learned from your ex, aren’t they?” he asked.
“Let it go, Angelo.” I reached for the whiskey.
Kim walked in, “Hi Michelle,” She chimed happily.
“Hi.” I poured a drink, sitting back on the couch.
“Mick, your husband is looking for you. He called me, because he said you weren’t answering.” Chauntelle said.
“That’s weird, I had my phone in my purse, and I heard it when dad called.” I pulled my phone out of my purse and looked at it.
“He worries, you should call him.” She said.

I walked down the hall after picking up the whiskey bottle, and locked myself in my room.
“Hello?” Chester mumbled.
“Were you asleep?” I asked.
“I guess so, I just sat on the couch to watch TV while Brynn was napping and I guess I crashed out.” he yawned.
“Chaun said you called her looking for me.” I gulped my glass, and put it down, picking up the bottle and drinking straight from it.
“Yeah, I called and you didn’t answer.” He replied.
“Dad sent me to the grocery store to get eggs, and I ran into William while I was there, and we started catching up.” I explained.
“William, your ex?” he was wide awake now.
“Yeah.” I said.
“So you went to the store to get eggs, and were there for two hours because you were catching up with your ex boyfriend?” his tone was very accusative, and angry.
“Yes Chester. It’s not at all what you think it is. We were just talking.” I told him.
“Because you can just talk to someone you used to be attracted to.”
“Uh yeah, I can. I’ve been around Mike a thousand times, and never done a damn thing.” I retorted tersely.
“Yeah, but usually I’m not far away, now you’re 1200 miles away from me.” he said.
“Are we going through this again?” I snapped.
“Are you fucking your ex?” he asked.
“No! I said I wouldn’t cheat on you again, and I won’t, so stop accusing me!” I said.
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” he asked.
“Because I’m your wife, and you trust me. Or you should.” I replied angrily.
“And why the hell should I? You’ve lied to me more than once!”
“Because I promised I wouldn’t, and I haven’t.” I said calmly.
“But nobody saw you just talk to him, nobody can validate your story, and you know that I don’t trust you.” he said.
I started to blow up at him, but instead chose to hang up on him and have a cigarette.
While I was staring out at the city, I tried to calm down.
I finally got my phone and dialed.
“Hello?”
“Hi, William?” I asked.
“Michelle, this is a lot sooner than I thought.” he said.
“Well, I need to get out of this house and get my mind off of things for awhile, you want to grab dinner or something?” I asked.
“Sure, I’ll meet you out front of the building in ten minutes.” he said.

I hung up and changed clothes, put on make up and styled my hair.
I slipped into my heels and grabbed my purse.
“Where are you going?” Dad asked.
“Out. I need out of this house for awhile before I really go insane.” I gave him a look.
I walked down to the elevator and mashed the button, ignoring my phone ringing in my purse, eventually turning it off completely.
“Hey, WOW.” He looked me up and down.
“I don’t need people seeing me look a mess, so I thought if I was going to be in public, I’d better look good.” I shrugged.
“That you do.” he opened the car door.
I got in the car and he followed, sitting next to me.
“So, your family driving you nuts again?” he asked.
“Yeah, I needed out of there.” I sighed.
“Well, just relax for a bit.” He smiled at me.
I smiled back, and looped my elbow with his, laying my head on his shoulder.
My head was spinning from the whiskey I’d downed while on the phone with Chester earlier, and I was was starting to talk myself into doing this, as I leaned in to kiss William.
He started to lean in also, but pulled back, “Michelle, what’s going on with you?” his face was inches away from mine.
“I don’t want to think about everyone else right now.” I whispered, putting my hand on his chest.
“You are married, to a great guy, who loves you very much. You are somebody’s mother, and this is NO way for you to act.” he pushed me away.
“He doesn’t love me, he doesn’t even trust me, so why the hell shouldn’t I do what he’s accusing me of doing? Might as well give him the satisfaction of being right.” I shrugged.
“Doing this is NOT going to make him trust you, and he doesn’t want to be right, Michelle. He wants to believe that you wouldn’t do something like this, and it wouldn’t satisfy him to find out that you did. It would destroy him. Trust is earned, and this is not how you earn it. He accused you of it because he’s terrified of losing you, not to push you away. I know you’re a good person, but revenge is never the answer.” William gave me a look.
“Tell that to him.” I sneered, shaking my head.
“He’s the one who FUCKED my damn sister the day after I gave birth to our daughter, as a way of getting revenge on me.” I grabbed my cigarettes and lit one, hands shaking.
He was taken aback, but didn’t falter, “Well, did that help with the trust issues? Did it fix everything?” he asked.

“No, it fucked our marriage up even worse, and then I had to go and ruin it even more, by getting upset and trying to hurt him.” I said.
“You cheated on him again?” he asked.
“No, I told him the truth, that I’d been keeping from him.” I replied, looking down.
“Which was?”
“That he wasn’t really Brynlee’s father.” I looked over at him, biting my lip.
“What?? He’s not Brynlee’s father?” he asked.
I looked down again, and shook my head, “No, Mike is her biological father.” I admitted.
“Michelle, what the hell happened after you left here?” he asked.
“I made mistakes, William. A lot of them.” I sighed.
“Sounds like you’re still trying to make them.” he said.
I broke down in tears, “I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea. If I did this, he’d never trust me again, and probably leave me forever.” I sobbed.
“You didn’t do anything. I’m taking you back to your dad, where you’re going to sleep off the booze and let him cool off, then tomorrow morning, you need to call him and talk to him.” he said.
“He can’t know that I almost did this. He can’t know what I was going to do, he’ll hate me.” I whispered.
“He won’t know. Nothing happened, even more reason why he shouldn’t know.” He said.
“I’m sorry I dragged you into this.” I told him.
“You didn’t. Nothing happened.” He got out of the car and walked around, opening the door and helping me out.
“Go upstairs and go to bed, Michelle. The minute you wake up, I want you to call him.” He opened the door to the building and held it as I went inside.
“Take care of yourself.” he smiled, closing the door.

When I walked through the door, Dad was standing in the kitchen.
“Well that wasn’t very long,” he commented.
“Changed my mind.” I mumbled, going down the hall to my room, immediately picking up the whiskey bottle and finishing it’s contents.
As soon as I turned my phone back on, it rang.
I was really in no condition to talk right now, but I answered anyway.
“WHAT?” I snapped.
“I’ve been calling you, what the hell?” Chester cried.
“I didn’t want to fucking talk to you, asshole.” I replied sharply.
“Because I caught you??” he asked.
“You didn’t catch sssshitt. I d-d-d-didn’t d-d-d-do anythhhhing.” I felt the alcohol taking effect, as I heard my words slur.
“Oh my god, are you fucking drunk?” he asked.
“N-n-no. I’m justtt tired.” I slurred more.
“You’re fucking wasted. God damn it, where the hell are you? Who are you with?” he asked.
“I’m, uhhh, I’m, I’m at my dad’s. In mmmy room.” I fell onto the bed, and bounced off into the floor, hitting my head on the night stand.
“Ow! Fuck!” I cried, grabbing my head.
“What the hell did you do?” he asked.
“F-f-fell.” I groaned, rubbing the knot on the back of my head.
“Damn it, Michelle. Your dad let you drink?” he asked.
“He can’t stop me, I’m..” I paused to cover my mouth, as I felt sick at my stomach.
“I’m 23 years old, he can’t stop me.” I finished.
“You’re a fucking ex-alcoholic. He can stop you.” he snapped.
“It’s not his f-f-f-fucking job to babyssssit me.” I said.
I heard the line click and the dialtone blaring in my ear.
“Fucking asshole.” I threw my phone across the room and tried to get up, but stumbled right back onto my ass in the floor, where I stayed, ignoring the churning in my stomach, until I heard the door open and my dad’s voice, “Michelle Marie Kennedy, what the hell is wrong with you?” Dad said, picking me up off the floor.
“That’s n-n-n-n-not my n-n-n-name anymore d-d-dad.” I stuttered.
He laid me on the bed, and went into the bathroom to get a damp washcloth to wipe my face with.
He saw the empty bottle on the floor and sighed, “God damn it. I thought you were past this.” he grumbled, dabbing the sweat off my forehead.
“I’m a s-s-s-slut dad. Always will be.” I coughed.
“No you’re not, Mickey.” He sighed.
“Chester hates me.” I said.
“No he doesn’t. He sent me in here to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself.” He said.
“He th-th-thinks I cheated on him again with W-w-william.” I covered my mouth and stumbled toward the bathroom.
He helped me to the toilet so I could throw up.
“I know you didn’t, and so does he. He’s just scared of losing you. Now he’s scared of you doing something stupid and hurting yourself.” Dad held my hair back.
“I almost did somthing stupid.” I wiped my mouth.
“What are you talking about, Michelle?” he asked.
“The whole reason I went out earlier was because I was mad at Chester, and to get back at him, I was going to sleep with William, since he already thought I did.” I explained.
Dad’s eyes flickered and he backhanded me across the face, “Stop being so damn stupid, Michelle!” He yelled.
“I didn’t fucking do it, dad!” I screamed, shoving him away.
“Talk about a miracle, but the fact that you were going to, that you almost did, is bad enough for you. You’re going to push a good man away because you want to be petty and childish. I’ve stood by and tried not to get involved, but you have got to stop trying to hurt him to make yourself feel better. His feelings matter too, Michelle. Stop trying to fuck him over and just be the wife he wants you to be. You’re capable of doing that.” he said.
“I want to, dad. But his lack of trust is killing our marriage.” I replied.
“No, you’re determination to ruin it, is what’s killing your marriage. He doesn’t trust you, for good reason. And every time you turn around, you’re trying to make it worse.” he said.
“I didn’t sleep with him, damn it. I’m still trying to save this marriage.” I stood up and wiped my mouth with a towel.
“You’re still drunk off your ass right now, and he’s still pissed at you for it.” Dad closed the bedroom door.
“So, I’m a drunk, what’s new? Seems like I may have reached a milestone in this family.” I hiccupped.
“That’s not funny. Think about your daughter. You grew up with a druggie and a drunk for a mother, do you really want her to go through the same thing?” he asked.
I shook my head, “No, I don’t.”
“Then clean up your damn act before you lose both of them. And here you were worried about raising a child with Chester being an addict, when look at you, drunk off your ass, trying to crawl under your ex boyfriend. Did you forget that he’s the one who made you this way? What he did to you is why you started drinking and using in the first place. Have you forgotten what it felt like when he cheated on you? When he got another woman pregnant? It seems like maybe you did, because you did EXACTLY the same thing to Chester. He’s just a forgiving soul who loves you, but that love will run out if you don’t stop doing this to him, Michelle. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, and again until you get it through your head, YOU ARE NOT MARIE!!!” He yelled.
“I KNOW I’M NOT MOM. I’M NOT TRYING TO BE. I’M BEING ME, AND I’M DOING THE GODDAMN BEST I FUCKING CAN!!” I screamed.
He slapped me again, and I fell backwards to the floor.
“Then quit being a fucking slut and be a wife and mother.” he looked down at me angrily.
“You fucking married her.” I seethed.
“She was a good person when I married her. Pills and alcohol made her into the psycho that birthed you. You were a hot fucking mess when you met him, but he loved you anyway, and he’s put up with you, time and time again. Stop trying so hard to hurt that man and just fucking love him. Love him like he’s loved you.” He said.
“What if he doesn’t want me to?” I said.
“Then your time is up, you did it to yourself.” he shrugged.

I started crying, “Dad, I can’t lose him.”
“Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you chose to cheat on him.” he left me there in the floor, nose bleeding, face swollen, drunk and in tears.
I laid on the carpet, sobbing until I couldn’t breathe.
I finally picked myself up off the floor still sniffling, and walked into the bathroom.
I was going to wash my face and clean up, until I saw my reflection in the mirror.
Puffy eyes, dried blood and a red handprint on my face, I felt anger, sadness and hopelessness.
I opened the medicine cabinet and found a bottle of pills from my drug days, and after staring at the bottle for a moment, I popped the lid off, grabbed the whiskey bottle off the floor and used the last couple of swigs to swallow all of them.
I crawled into bed and waited, my eyes growing heavy, until they finally closed.
It was finally going to be over.
Chester was finally free.