And She Made the Shape of My Heart With Her Hands

“You know… Since we’re in Canada and stuff, we should talk like it.”

I furrowed my brow with a small smile on my face. “What do you mean?”

“Well Canadians say ‘ay’ after like everything. So we should do that,” Kennedy explained.

I chuckled. “You’re an idiot.” Kennedy raised his eyebrows, as if signaling me. “…Ay,” I added.

“Now you’ve got it, ay!”

I rolled my eyes playfully. “Oh Kennedy… What am I going to do with you?”

He grinned teasingly. “Marry me, of course! Ay?”

I laughed. “Nay. Sorry.”

He sighed exasperatedly. “Fine, fine, ay.”

“Oh, are we getting Canadians accents now, ay?” Tim asked, just walking up to us from the other side of the van. He had a soda bottle in his hand freshly bought from the gas station’s little crappy store.

“Oh, Tim… Not you, too!” I shrieked in mock horror. He smiled a little.

Kennedy then added in his Canadian voice, “You know it, ay.”

I sighed in defeat. Obviously it was two against one.

I suddenly felt my hand being gripped. I looked over and slightly up at Pat.

“What are we talking about?”

I smiled a little at him. “Um… Canadian accents…”

He grinned a little at me.

“Uh… Right… Yeah,” Tim said, studying Pat, myself, and our attached hands. “I’m still getting use to this,” he said while gesturing to our hands and us.

I felt a little heat come to my cheeks in a pink glaze. Pat squeezed my hand a little bit.

Tim sighed. “Uh, yeah. I’m going to go find the others now.”

“I’m coming, too, ay,” Kennedy commented while taking a few long strides to get up to Tim’s pace.

When Kennedy and Pat’s brother were out of sight, beyond the other side of the van, Pat turned towards me and grasped my other hand loosely. He had a small content smile on his face and his eyes looked heavy and sleepy.

This made me grin a little, amused. “Tired?”

Pat’s smile grew a little. “Yeah, I guess so.”

I smiled a little as I pulled Pat’s frame into mine, wrapping my arms around his waist and his wrapping around mine. He leaned his head down so that it was resting on my inner shoulder. My face hit the barely top of his collarbone.

I felt and heard Pat sigh into me, the breath tickling my neck. I could just see Pat close his eyes as if sleeping. My fingers started softly tracing unknown patterns on part of his back. Pat must’ve thought that this felt good, because this caused him to start gently swaying back and forth.

I turned my face into Pat a little more, my nose just touching the skin of his neck. I lightly kissed it, feeling Pat get a slight chill.

This made me giggle softly. I could feel Pat smile a little.

“Whoa there!” Kennedy’s voice burst our soothing moment. “You two kids can’t have sex against the van! That’s disgusting!”

Pat and I broke apart almost immediately, yet still held hands limply. I felt the heat swimming to my cheeks, an apparent red blush showing. I glanced up at Pat, who also had a dark pink rising to his face.

“What!” Garrett came sprinting to our side of the van. “Who’s having sex?” He bellowed, his eyes darting around the whole scene.

“Nobody, Garrett!” I shrieked.

“My God, Cara! You’re like seventeen years old! I’d think you’d know better than to screw somebody out here against a van. Especially Pat!”

I saw Pat frown a bit, his eyes watching my brother with no particular emotion. I squeezed his hand.

“Hey,” Jared greeted, just walking up. He looked over at Pat, our hands, our red faces, Garrett looking wide-eyed around, and me. “What the heck happened here?”

Kennedy suddenly jumped in again. “The little kiddies over here were just getting it on, if you know what I-”

“Kennedy!” Pat and I yelled together.

Kennedy looked at us with a sly smile. “What? I was only telling the truth…”

“Yeah. Not!”

Jared laughed lightly, lightening up the mood a bit. “Nice try, Kennedy, but we all know that these two wouldn’t try anything like that here in broad daylight.”

“Thank you for defending us, Jared,” I said quietly, smiling sweetly at him.

He smiled back. “No problem.”

Garrett groaned. “Good Lord, I swear my heart just gave out and then restarted,” he muttered.

“Uh, yeah. Me too. Thanks, Kennedy!” I said loudly and sarcastically.

Kennedy only smiled back.

I rolled my eyes a little before smiling back. I just couldn’t help myself. “I’m going to get water,” I mumbled to mostly Pat as I walked to the little store.

“Get John, Tim, and Trevor!”

I gave a vague wave in the air to acknowledge my brother. I continued into the crappy little store to see a bunch of cigarette packs and a cash register with an overweight middle-aged woman behind it, looking bored as hell.

“Hey,” I called out to Tim and Trevor. “I was told to come get you guys.”

“Oh, you’re done fucking my brother?”

I scowled. “Van. Now,” I growled.

Trevor chuckled and Tim smirked as they passed by me, walking out the store with the chime of a little bell.

I didn’t know where John was, so I was hoping that I’d either find him somewhere in this joint to mumble that it was time to go, or he’d just simply take the hint that it was time to leave.

I went on my way to the section of water bottles, located next to freaky energy drinks that most likely smelled like gasoline. I swung the door open and grabbed the first brand of water I partially recognized.

That’s when I heard somebody down the aisle from me, towards the juices and sports drinks. “What the hell?” They mumbled. It was John, of course.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced myself to walk towards him. As I got closer and my breaths became quicker and sharper, John noticed me as his eyes traveled up to my face. “U-Um, Garrett told me t-to tell you to start going back to the van.”

“Yeah?”

I swallowed again, the swelling in my throat bobbing down, only to come slithering back up again. I nodded my head slowly, pieces of my hair flowing to the sides of my jaw and face.

We both blankly stared at each other for a few moments. I took notice of the feeling in his eyes, the apparent depressed mood. A blind man couldn’t miss it. It was an emotion I had never seen swimming within those beautiful eyes of his. And to think that I was the one that caused it…

I shook my head vigorously. I decided to go pay for the water I had chosen.

When I was finished, John was just paying for his stuff. I just kept walking through the parking lot, not even taking in my surroundings, not even when I knew John was only a few steps behind me.

He never spoke a word to me and I never said one syllable to him.

And that’s when I realized how guilty and hurt I felt about John O’Callaghan.