How to Stop Self-Harming

Notice: This tutorial is meant for those who wish to give up self-harm, yet still struggle recovering from their cope addiction. It is not meant for those who do not have an open mind to this subject or those who do not wish to stop their self-harming. These methods may not work for everyone, I understand.

Best Chosen Method

Gather up all of the objects you have ever used to intentionally hurt yourself with. If you have self-harmed with an object that you no longer have access to or cannot gather up, find a picture of it or take a picture of it. If your form of self-harming is not physical, but mental, emotional, or spiritual... write down all the thoughts or feelings you've had that you intentionally hurt yourself with. Place the object(s) in a box of some kind. Seal the box with a lid, rope, string, tape, glue, etc. The more you seal it the better. Then label the box with a word or phrase that will help you recognize that these items and the way you use them are going to become things of the past. Heck, you could even label the box "Thing(s) of the Past." Whenever you feel the urge to self-harm, write down that word or phrase that you used to label the box on a small piece of paper. You can come up with new ones if you want. Then paste the paper on the box again. If you continue to feel the urge, start sealing up the box even more. Keep some tape nearby. Every time you think about self-harming, add another piece of tape to seal the box.

For Those With Anger

If you're one of those individuals who self-harm because you feel anger, frustration, hatred, etc. then here is a list of things you can try.

1. Get a red pen and paper (or a paintbrush, red paint, and canvas.) Hold the pen or paintbrush over the left side of the paper if you are right-handed and over the right side of the paper if you are left-handed. Close your eyes. Now try to depict what you are feeling onto the paper, without looking, starting at your designated side and moving over to the opposite side. When you are finished, do not look at the paper. Simply fold it up into a small square (without looking.) Now tape or tie the square closed. Place the secured square on top of a table or even just on the floor. Sit down facing the square and inhale deeply. Turn around so that your back is facing the square. Now exhale deeply. Do not move your shoulders when you breathe, but use your diaphragm so that your stomach pushes out when you inhale and then sinks back in when you exhale. Repeat this until you feel calm. Then throw the square away.
    
2. If you are angry at a particular person, do not come in contact with this person. Go to a place where you feel secure, you are alone, and it is quiet. Make sure there is plenty of light in the room. The more light the better. If you want, put on some soothing classical music, traditional Japanese or Celtic music. Get a deck of cards and sit cross-legged on the floor. Make sure the cards are shuffled and place them in one pile in front of you. For every reason that you are angry at the particular person, take one card off the top of the deck and place it in a separate pile behind the first one. When you run out of reasons, turn over the top two cards in each of the piles. The one on top of the pile closest to you, the first pile, will symbolize LOVE (even if it isn't a heart.) The one in the pile furthest away from you, the second pile, will symbolize HATE. Now take the second card from the top of the second pile and hold it in your hand. This card will symbolize the reason you are most angry at the particular person. On a small piece of paper, write down the suit and number of your card, and the reason you are most angry. Next, write down at least three different ways you can fix or get past this reason without being violent towards yourself or others. Fold the paper and put it in your pocket until you accomplish the things on your list. If you don't want to carry around the paper for fear that someone will see it, simply put the card in your pocket instead. Now do the same process for the third card in the second pile, the fourth card, the fifth, etc. until the only card left is the one that was facing up the whole time. Flip it over now and put it somewhere in the middle of the first pile; you have successfully gotten past your anger.
    
3. Take off your shoes and socks. Do some of your favorite stretches or yoga poses; look some up first if you don't know any. Make sure that your movements are very slow and match your breathing; deep breaths inward and outward. Once you feel relaxed and stretched out, go stand in the corner of an open room. Place your left foot so that it is facing the direction of the wall that trails out to your left. Place your right foot so that it is facing the direction of the wall to your right. Your feet should now be making somewhat of a 90 degree angle. Without moving your feet from where they are, start dancing with the upper half of your body. Play some music if it helps you, but preferably cheerful music. After a couple minutes of dancing, reposition your feet so that they are at ease and relaxed in front of you. Now stretch out your left arm so that it is pointed down the direction of the wall to your left. Stretch out your right arm down the wall to your right. Make sure that your fingers are spread out evenly so they aren't touching. Now, without moving your arms or hands, start dancing with the lower half of your body. Hopefully these exercises will help you release a lot of your built up or intense anger.

For Those With Depression

If you self-harm because you feel depression, sadness, helplessness, etc. then here is a list of things you can try.

1. Go outside for a walk in the neighborhood. If you want, drive to a park, field, or forest if any of these places would be more comfortable. DO NOT take any objects you have used to self-harm with you. As you are walking, do not look down at your feet. Keep your head straight, your shoulders relaxed, and your gaze directed towards the horizon. Focus on things that are happening in the distance. Try to think about things that are happening as you walk, not anything that was happening before your walk or anything that will happen after your walk. Admire the scenery, wave and smile to any people you pass by, and just enjoy the fresh air. Try to take one of these walks at least once a day, or whenever you're feeling especially despaired. At first they may seem like a chore, but before you know it you'll be enjoying and savoring them.
    
2. There are some yoga exercises that help tame depression and heal the mind. You can watch this video to learn more about them and how to perform them. Whenever you're doing yoga, be sure to put your mind and being into it. Focus on your movements and on each breath, not much else. Let them energize you; just taking thirty minutes out of your day to do yoga will make up for itself tenfold. Yoga makes our minds and bodies much more productive, something that battles against depression and self-harm.
    
3. Those with depression are not narrow-minded, but much more often than not they are narrow-passioned. This is a term I like to use to describe it when someone has only one or two things that they enjoy doing in life. For example, let's say the only two things I enjoy are writing and reading. This does not mean that writing and reading are bad things. It simply means that my passion and enjoyment is narrowed down to those two things. The fact that most of the time writing and reading are done ALONE is why this becomes a bit of a problem. Isolation is like poison for our minds; it slowly drains us until we don't know what to do to fix it. It makes it even more of a problem that these two things are done while being inactive. Inactivity is also like poison, but for our bodies as well as our minds. The point I'm trying to make by saying this is that we must have balance. The wider our passions and enjoyments are, the more balance we will have in our lives and the less our minds and bodies will be poisoned. Explore through the possibilities of new hobbies and activities. You can start small if you want, but the more you expand your passions, and the more people you associate your passions with, the healthier and happier you will be. Say goodbye to depression! Say goodbye to self-harm!

For Those With Anxiety

If you self-harm because you feel anxiety, panic, nervousness, etc. then here is a list of things you can try.

1. If you use self-harm to take your mind off of your anxiety or to get rid of your anxiety... then you need new and better ways to soothe your anxiety, don't you? A good way to start is by watching this video about reducing stress. You can also check out this thread about coping with anxiety disorders and panic attacks.
    
2. There are many natural herbs and remedies that can help anxiety; no need to take medications. Mint and ginger are great (and tasty) plants that help mild anxiety and come in the form of candies and snacks, but are best eaten in their raw form. Lavender is another soothing herb. There's all kinds of lavender soaps, perfumes, bath washes, and bath salts. You can even grow some lavender yourself and keep it in your windowsill. Try herb teas as well! Rose tea, chamomile tea, vanilla tea, and lemon balm tea are great for helping relieve stress and promote relaxation. If you can find it, valerian root extract is also great for more severe levels of anxiety. Try growing other calming plants like catnip, St. John's Wort, and bugleweed as well.
    
3. Art and music therapy are other great options. For art therapy, I would recommend using acrylic paints on white canvas. Take your time with your painting and be sure to focus on it. Sometimes it's best to do this alone. Be proud of your work, and don't shy away from painting or drawing certain things because you think they're "too hard" or that you're especially bad at them. If you mess up, don't sweat it. Just paint over it or continue with your work. Art therapy is extremely relaxing and is a great way to socialize yourself if you experience a form of social anxiety. Try joining an art club or painting class! For music therapy, I would recommend listening to classical music, traditional Japanese music, or traditional Celtic music. Some of my favorites are Pechelbel's Canon, Fur Elise, Ode to Joy, Spring by Vivaldi, Nightingale by Yanni, Silk Road by Kitaro, and A Place to Dream by Llewellyn. Make sure that you have a nice pair of headphones (not ear-buds.) Sit down in a comfortable lounge chair or couch. Make sure that your back is straight, yet relaxed and set at a comfortable angle. Keep your neck and shoulders relaxed. Fold your hands over your belly button or lay them relaxed at your sides. Close your eyes. Keep them closed. When you breathe, do not move your shoulders. Push your diaphragm outward as you inhale and inward as you exhale. When you inhale, spread your fingers apart on each hand. When you exhale, move your fingers back together. Focus on this until you can do it without feeling awkward. Relax all parts of your body, starting from your head down to your feet. If you come across a spot that feels particularly stressed, focus on breathing into that spot. The stress may become more intense at first, but will slowly fade away. Feel the music and try not to think about anything besides what is happening in the moment.

Other solutions

1. If you use your nails to self-harm, try keeping a pair of light gloves handy to put on when you feel like you need them.
2. Sip at a fresh glass of water or tea whenever you feel the urge to self-harm.
3. Try reading a good book that you know will capture your attention and keep your attention.
4. Work-out on a daily basis to relieve stress, anger, and lift depression.
5. Having the right diet is extremely important. Try getting allergy tested or muscle tested for food sensitivities. Eat healthy, keep a balanced diet, and eat at around the same times every day. Never eat too much or too little.
6. Spend time with pets when you feel the urge to self harm.
7. Watch a relaxing TV show or movie that you know will cheer you up.
8. Write uplifting poetry or a story that keeps your mind occupied and yet not allows it to wallow.
9. Dance, jog, play a sport, or do some other form of activity.
10. Meditate on the now and find your balanced center being.

When you feel a very intense urge to self-harm (as I know you may sometimes experience) that seems impossible to ignore, the very best thing you can do is surround yourself with people. Invite a friend over if you have to. Go help your mom clean the house if you have to. Just don't let yourself be alone. Avoid the place(s) that you have self-harmed in the past, and try to keep your body relaxed. You can get past it.