Claimed
Perfect beginning. Some people begin the story with boring stuff. But what readers want nowadays is a story that begins with someone struggling for their life, or someone who’s running away from the police. That’s exactly what you have. Your character is under a lot of pressure because of the performance thing. And it was smart of you to start the story like that.
And it didn’t just end there. The perfect interplay between characters kept the fun going. This kept it real.
FUCK GODDAMN SHIT BOLLOCKS- (that was funny)
I'd love to read a story about this. X-factor, ha? Interesting. I'll be reading more. I'm not just saying. I WILL be. : )
I’m not saying some romance is irrelevant. But the cute guy coming into the scene from the beginning is just a cliché now. I think you should write a few pages more and then introduce him to keep the story less obvious.
And one other thing. Is it really necessary to quote so much of the lyrics they were singing? I think you could use the space for something else.
Errors:
He was wearing a slightly low-cut v-neck shirt… (v-neck=V-neck)
This is the story I want read:
Abdication
:) :) Hope you enjoy (Please don't forget to recommend it, if you liked the story.)
Perfect beginning. Some people begin the story with boring stuff. But what readers want nowadays is a story that begins with someone struggling for their life, or someone who’s running away from the police. That’s exactly what you have. Your character is under a lot of pressure because of the performance thing. And it was smart of you to start the story like that.
And it didn’t just end there. The perfect interplay between characters kept the fun going. This kept it real.
FUCK GODDAMN SHIT BOLLOCKS- (that was funny)
I'd love to read a story about this. X-factor, ha? Interesting. I'll be reading more. I'm not just saying. I WILL be. : )
I’m not saying some romance is irrelevant. But the cute guy coming into the scene from the beginning is just a cliché now. I think you should write a few pages more and then introduce him to keep the story less obvious.
And one other thing. Is it really necessary to quote so much of the lyrics they were singing? I think you could use the space for something else.
Errors:
He was wearing a slightly low-cut v-neck shirt… (v-neck=V-neck)
This is the story I want read:
Abdication
:) :) Hope you enjoy (Please don't forget to recommend it, if you liked the story.)
August 21st, 2013 at 01:59pm