Dirty Little Secret [CLOSED]

Brian frowned momentarily, thinking that little something extra was probably to do with his feelings for Jimmy, but he didn't mention it. He was just glad the bassist wanted to be friends, again. "There's nothing more that I want, than us all to be friends again, man. I understand that you haven't forgiven me, and I don't blame you." Smiling, he clapped Johnny on the back. "Hell, I'd probably kick your ass if you did try to forgive me too soon," he chuckled.

Johnny snorted, shaking his head. He felt lighter than he had done in weeks. "Thanks, dude."

"Don't mention it. I think the others are already on the bus, you coming? Matt's treating us all to Chinese tonight?" Brian grinned as Johnny's eyes lit up at the mention of a takeaway, holding the door open for them both.

"Hell yes!"

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx

Zacky looked up when he heard the bus door open and in walked Johnny and Brian. His eyes widened slightly as he looked at Brian, earning an odd look from the lead. "What?"

"Nothing, just surprised to see you in one piece for a change is all." he shrugged.

"He hasn't really forgiven me, but he's willing to try and be friends again." Brian replied with a small smile on his face. Zacky smiled and nodded in understanding, feeling relieved that Johnny had finally seemed to be able to begin to go back to being himself again.

"Where's Matt? I heard something about Chinese food?"

@ rachthebat.

Matt was in the back room, locked into an intense bout of cyber sex. He'd met a guy online, both playing call of duty. They'd started talking, playing the game together, joining each other's crews. Friendly laughter and banter, had quickly turned into something more, which had them messaging each other, almost daily. When his friend had suggested they take it to the next level - fooling around with their head sets still on - Matt had gotten excited. So he'd sloped off to the back room, using the excuse that he needed to kill a few hours on the X box, and joined his friend in a private lobby. From there, things had escalated pretty quickly. Matt found himself with his hands down his shorts, fist wrapped tightly around his erection, moaning and breathing erotic words into the microphone as his friend did the same.

Zack brought his head out of the fridge and turned to look at Johnny. "He said he was going to the back to play some CoD, want me to go get him?"

"Sure, tell him to shift his ass with this food, I'm starved!"

Zack snorted, but was secretly glad to have their friend back. Sauntering down the through the bunks, he didn't bother knocking, there was no privacy to be had on a tour bus. Busting through the door, he stopped dead at the sight before him, eyes bulging. "Uhh, Matt?"

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx

(Hehehehehehe!)

Zacky had seen Matt with the same deer in the headlights look he had when he caught the singer watching gay porn. He also once again had his hand wrapped around himself like the last time. Zacky's eyes wandered towards the screen before looking back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Getting off on video games now? I can not say I was expecting that." the guitarist smirked. Matt blushed as he muttered something into the headset before taking it off and tossing it onto the couch beside him.

"I wasn't doing that." Matt argued.

"Then what was that about?" he questioned as he walked in and shut the door.

"I started talking to this guy-"

"Wait what?" Zacky's eyes widened.

"I haven't met him or anything. I played a few games with him and then we started talking and somehow it led to this. Before you start freaking out, he doesn't know who I am and I don't really know him but what else am I supposed to do?"

"How do you know it isn't one of the guys just messing with you? You know how Jimmy was when he found that porn stuff. I told you I'd help you didn't I?"

"Well, yeah but what about Brian? And Jimmy wouldn't do something like that." Matt replied biting at his lip ring suddenly feeling a bit nervous. If it was the drummer playing some sort of trick on him what was he going to do?

"I'm not sure but I just want you to be careful if you end up talking to him again okay? I'm not dating Brian and given the things that happened these past few weeks, I'm not sure if I ever will try to give him another chance but for now I'm single and don't have to worry about it. Besides, I meant what I said when I said I'd help you in any way I could because you're helping me. I just don't entirely know what you want me to help you with."

@ rachthebat.

Matt was embarrassed, at being caught with his pants down, again, by the rhythm guitarist, again. Tucking himself away, he stood up and moved over to the opposite couch, needing to put some distance between them if he was going to talk about it. "I need to know if I'm gay or not, Zack. How did you know?"

"Uhh, I pretty much knew as soon as I hit puberty. Lusting after our high school football coach, pretty much gave it away," he chuckled.

Matt groaned, head in his hands. "This is so fucked up. We can't have all five members of Avenged Sevenfold being fucking homos!"

Zack snorted. "Why not? And besides, I'm not fully gay, I like men and women. Okay, yeah, Brian is gay. But Johnny and Rev? I have no idea. I think Johnny is just Rev sexual, and Jimmy, you know he'll fuck anything that moves. Be it man, woman, or animal."

Matt couldn't help but laugh at that, knowing it was true about the drummer. Shaking his head, the laughter died. "I don't know if it's cause I'm horny, haven't got laid in weeks, or because Val and I are having problems, but that got me off, pretty damn quickly." Gesturing to the head set, he looked up at Zack. "I'm so confused."

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx

"It's okay to be confused Matt. It is possible you could be bi too. I know you and Val are having problems and I know you mentioned she wanted to take a break, so maybe now is the time you can try to figure things out before deciding if you two should get back together or not."

"I don't know what to do Zack."

"If it were just being horny, my only question is why would you go for gay porn or let some random guy get you off via headset?" Zacky questioned him, raising an eyebrow at his friend. Matt opened his mouth before shutting it again, unable to come up with an answer.

"What do I do?" Matt's voice mumbled as he looked down at his hands. Zacky sighed and grabbed a chair to sit in front of his friend.

"Look, it took me a little while to figure things out and I had to do it alone. But you have me okay? I'm here for you."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"As far as the girls situation, I would say next time we go out, maybe try to talk to some and see how you respond to them. That's what I did anyways." Zacky shrugged.

"And as for the um...the-"

"As for the guy stuff, you could just use me I guess." Zacky replied and noticed Matt's shocked expression. "What?"

@ rachthebat.

"I can't do that, Zack, you're one of my best friends!" After thinking about the idea a little further, he looked up. "What exactly do you mean by, using you?"

"Well, umm.." Zack scratched the back of his neck, suddenly feeling quite nervous. "I guess, we could kiss? Make out a little? See how you feel about it?"

Matt raised a brow, incredulously. "I don't really find you attractive though, Zee, I just see you as a friend. A brother."

Feeling bold, Zack stood from his chair and crossed over to Matt, shocking the singer by sitting in his lap. "Well, maybe we need to change your view of me then," he murmured, his voice low in Matt's ear.

The hair on the back of Matt's neck stood on end, goose bumps prickling up his arms. "Well, um, okay, yeah. Maybe?" He was lost for words, which very rarely happened to him. Clearing his throat, he pushed softly against Zack's chest. "One step at a time?"

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx

"Of course," Zacky replied as he looked into Matt's eyes, suddenly feeling his heart beat a little faster. He couldn't understand why he suddenly seemed nervous. After all, he had made out with Matt only a few weeks ago on a dare. If he were honest though, he was curious to see if Matt would have the reaction he did when they last kissed. He never thought he'd ever be doing this again. He still couldn't believed it happened at all dare or not.

As much as he'd never admit to it out loud, he did used to have a bit of a crush on Matt when they were still in high school. He was always afraid of losing Matt as a friend and so he had decided to try and move on. Although now, he wasn't entirely sure if he truly had gotten over his crush.

Closing their eyes, they both leaned in and pressed their lips together. Matt's body jolted slightly almost like the last time he had kissed the green eyed man. After a few seconds, Zacky had begun pulling away only to feel Matt move a hand to the side of his face and pull him back.

@ rachthebat.

Matt's heart was beating heavily in his chest as he continued to kiss Zack, a strange feeling spiking through his veins. Tentatively, he slipped his tongue into the rhythm's mouth, feeling his skin prickle as they touched. He noticed Zack move his hands up his chest, smoothing them over his shoulders and reciprocated, dancing his fingers up the other's spine and resting them against Zack's back.

He whimpered, his hips moving of their own accord, grinding softly into Zack. What started out as an experiment, quickly turned into a heated make out session, both boys grabbing onto each other as they hungrily sucked at each other's mouths. Matt groaned, his hair being tugged, Zack moaning softly as they writhed against one another.

So into each other, neither heard the door being pushed open, Brian stood in the doorway with his mouth hanging open, eyes comically wide. After getting over the initial shock of seeing the, very much straight, singer, making out with his Zacky, the green eyed monster began to rear his ugly head. Brian was crushed, feeling like his stomach would fall out of his ass at any moment. Now he knew what Zack and Johnny must have felt when they'd found out about he and Jimmy. It was not a good feeling. Slipping back out of the room, unnoticed, he slipped on his mask of indifference and grabbed a hoodie, checking his iPod was in the pocket.

"I'm going for a run," he told no one in particular, putting the ear buds in and drowning out the world.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx

Something must have happened when Brian went to go check to see what was taking Matt and Zacky so long to leave the back of the bus to go and get food. Johnny noticed a mixture of emotions on the lead's face before he had left. Knowing Jimmy was in his bunk sleeping until the food got onto the bus, Johnny decided to go after Brian.

"Brian wait up!" Johnny tried calling to him before realizing he probably had his iPod with him. Groaning a little he decided to run after him, cursing his own shorter legs along the way.

He was able to catch up to him when Brian had stopped at a bench a few moments later. Brian sat down and looked up before realizing Johnny was there.

"What are you doing here?" the taller man asked.

"I wanted to see if you were okay." Johnny said sitting down beside him.

"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" Brian said hoping he'd be able to fool the bassist. Unfortunately, he hadn't.

"I know that look dude. I'm sure I've had that look myself quite a bit recently. Now tell me, what's wrong?" Johnny asked earning a sigh from his friend as he put his iPod back into his pocket.

"I saw Zacky and Matt together." he said quietly as he stared at the ground.

"They're always together though. How is that-"

"Not like how I just saw him they aren't. They were all over each other Johnny."

"They weren't like fucking or anything were they?"

"They might as well have been doing that." Brian snapped before watching Johnny cringe slightly. "I'm sorry."

"When I found you and Jimmy making out, it was like my heart got ripped out of my chest, stabbed repeatedly, and then thrown into a blender. Then to find out out you two were together more than that one time and that you two slept together it made things even worse," Johnny admitted. "Even though I still hate that it happened, I wouldn't wish that on you at all."

"I never meant to put you through that J, I swear."

"It didn't help that I was jealous of you either." the bassist said earning a surprised look from Brian.

"You were jealous of me?"

"How could I not be? You're attractive, you're an amazing guy and everyone either wants you or wants to be you. And letns face it, a lot of the fans seem to say you're their favorite."

"You're amazing too though Johnny. Why would you think you aren't?"

Johnny sighed and bit his lip a little before opening his mouth to answer. "I've never told anyone this except for Zacky, but before I dated Jimmy I used to date this person who was terrible to me. Turns out they were only using me to get to someone else, but when I was with them, I could never seem to do anything right. They'd always tell me I was never good enough for anyone." he said as he blinked back tears.

"Johnny..." Brian looked at his friend sympathetically, finally understanding why Johnny had been acting the way he was lately.

"When we started touring together, I would come across a few people that I'd consider maybe dating only to find out they were trying to get to you or Matt. When I started dating Jimmy, I did have a few doubts in the beginning especially because of what I had went through, but then after awhile I had trusted him and things were okay." Johnny continued. "But then when I found out about you two, I started thinking back to that and thinking maybe that person was right. M-Maybe I'm not good enough for anyone after all."

@ rachthebat.

Johnny's confession explained a lot, made sense, not that Brian thought about it. "That guy was a douche, saying all that shit to you. You are good enough. Anyone would be lucky to have you." Shaking his head, he looked down at the ground. He'd never felt so bad. "I'll hate myself forever, for pulling that shit on you and Zack." Turning to look at the bassist, Brian pleaded. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"I'll try." Johnny sighed, pulling out a pack of smokes and offering it to the lead. "I guess I expected it to happen, all along, I was waiting for Jimmy to get bored with and find someone new."

"No! That's not true, not at all! Jimmy cares about you, so fucking much!" Frowning, Brian slumped back into the bench, huffing out a breath. "It was my fault he kept running after me, I was being selfish. I needed him, so I lead him on, to make sure he never left me."

"Why would you need him so bad that you would do something like that?" Johnny didn't mean to raise his voice, but finding out that it was someone else's selfishness that broke them up, well, that was a bitter pill to swallow.

"Some shit that happened in my past, really fucked me up. I just needed him." Brian really didn't want to get into his past, he'd need a gallon of whiskey, at least, to even attempt to get through all that.

Johnny shook his head, sadly, clenching his fists. "So, you fucked up my relationship, for your own selfish gains? Thanks a lot, Bri." Johnny snorted, humourlessly, standing up.

"I'm sorry," Brian whispered, fighting back tears. "I'm so fucking sorry, for everything. For hurting you, and Zack, for taking advantage of Jimmy. I'm just a complete fuck up, okay!"

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx

"I can't believe you'd be so fucking selfish and only think about yourself!" Johnny was beginning to see red again.

"If my past hadn't fucked me up-"

"No Syn, you don't get to do that. I just fucking started opening up about some of the shit I went through and all you can do is blame your past for what you did to me and Zacky. Whatever happened, I don't know but you can't blame your past for everything you've done to us."

"You don't know what I've gone through!" Brian exclaimed as tears fell from his eyes.

"No, you don't know how much I've gone through! You only know what I've told you and there is so much more you don't know but I'm not gonna go and blame everyone else for my own fucked up shit." Johnny said tugging on the sleeve of his hoodie subconsciously. He was so glad he didn't tell Brian about anything else.

"Johnny I-"

"If you hadn't gone and used Jimmy or maybe opened up to someone else, maybe Zacky wouldn't be doing whatever the hell he is with Matt right now!"

@ rachthebat.

Brian winced, shocked at how mad Johnny was. He couldn't blame the guy, though, trying to push his temper back down. "Low blow, dude!"

"Not like you don't deserve it," Johnny muttered, knowing if the tables were turned, he'd be pissed, too.

"Yeah, I know. And you're right, you're absolutely right." Sitting back down on the bench, Brian put his head in his hands. "I have no right to be pissed at Zack, or Matt, I did it first." It still hurt, though, a lot. He didn't even want to think about what Matt and Zack were doing right then, the thought made him want to puke.

Johnny sighed, taking the empty seat next to Brian. "I don't even know why I'm here, I'm still really pissed at you."

"You have every right to be, so does Zack. I can't believe he's even still talking to me! It's more than I deserve, right now." Brian kept his eyes on the ground, pulling out a packet of cigarettes.

"Just stop, okay!" Brian startled at the bassist's raise of voice, head snapping up in confusion. "Just stop with the 'woe is me' act. You got yourself into this mess, you! Stop trying to blame your past or other people, it's your fault, nobody else's!"

Brian breathed in deep, the last thing he wanted was to argue with Johnny. "Way a kick a man when he's down, Christ." Mumbling around his cigarette, he rolled his eyes at the look of exasperation on the bassist's face. "Alright, fine! You wanna know what made me so fucked up? I'll fucking tell you!"

Getting to his feet, Brian paced, sucking greedily on his smoke. "I had to watch my parents go through the shittiest, messiest divorce, ever! I'd watch my father, go out, night after night, coming home, stinking of booze and different women. My mother, laying into him, the second he stepped through the door. Neither of them giving a shit about the little boy upstairs that cried his goddamn eyes out." Pacing, he stopped to crush the butt in his fingers, lighting up another smoke. "They eventually separated, me shuffling back and forth between their new houses, gradually getting more and more fucked up. The day I left home, I made a vow to myself. I would never put myself through that, not ever. But then, Zack came along, and turned my whole world upside down." He stopped to think of the green eyed boy that had wormed his way into his heart, shaking his head. "I got scared, thinking that eventually, Zack would get bored of me. So I fucked everything up before that could happen. Jimmy was just collateral damage." Sparing a look to the bassist, he cringed at his next sentence. "I knew Jimmy was in love with me, and I used that to my advantage. I will never forgive myself for that. He's my best friend, and I fucked him over, good and proper."

Brian kept to himself, how the drummer had come to develop feelings for him, thinking Johnny didn't need to hear that. "When I first met Jimmy, we were fourteen years old. He and I, we hit it off instantly, sharing a love of music and other weird stuff." He snorted at the memory of their first meeting, shaking his head with a grin on his face. "We clicked. Became best friends overnight. So I went to him when things got tough at home, let him hold me when I wanted to just end it. He became my safety net, my rock. I knew that he would never leave me, so I latched onto that. I regret what we did, to you, to Zack. I regret that my best friend got caught up in this whole mess. So excuse me for feeling sorry for myself, but the guy I like, the guy I was slowly starting to fall for, is on that tour bus right now, doing god only knows what with our best friend!" He spat, slumping back to the bench, letting out a sob. Wiping his eyes, he huffed out a breath, staring up into the night sky. "I hate what I've become," he whispered, guilt eating away at him. "I hate that I'm just like my father, that I'm letting their dysfunctional relationship fuck up the only good thing that's ever happened to me."

(Sorry for the essay XD)

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx

Johnny stared at the sobbing mess that was Brian before inching towards him slightly. As angry as he was, he was glad he had finally opened up to him and told him what was probably eating away at him for weeks. Before he realized what he was doing, he found himself wrapping his arms around the taller guitarist trying to comfort him.

"In all the years you've known Zacky, do you really think he'd get bored with you and cheat on you?"

"I-I haven't seen him cheat on anyone but I-"

"You know as well as I do that if Zacky is in a relationship, he's faithful to that person no matter what."

"I guess you're right." Brian sniffed a little.

"You may be like your dad, but he changed right? I mean he's married and you have other siblings now."

"Yeah but-"

"If your dad can change and remain faithful to someone, don't you think you could do the same?" Johnny questioned him.

@ rachthebat.

"But, how? I don't know how to change what I am!" Brian felt lost, like he didn't know left from right, up from down. He was irrevocably grateful for the bassist choosing to stay with him. He would never admit it, but he really didn't want to be alone.

"It'll take some time, but I know you can do it. You're Synyster Gates, for fuck sake. You can create epic, mind blowing solos, write amazing lyrics, you can do anything you put your mind to. I believe in you, man."

"Glad someone does." Brian hated the pity party for one he found himself in, hated feeling weak. But he just couldn't seem to pull himself out of it. "Does it even matter now? Zack and Matt will probably get together soon, you and Jimmy belong together. I'll be left alone."

Pulling his arms tighter around the lead, Johnny sighed. "You should want to do it for yourself, not anybody else. I can't speak for the others, but I'm not so sure about me and Rev anymore."

"Oh please," Brian scoffed. "If there's two people that belong together, it's you and Jimmy."

"We'll see." Rubbing his hand up and down Brian's back, Johnny blew out the smoke from his cigarette. "Ready to go back now? It's getting kinda cold out here."

"Sure." Standing up, he blew out a breath and wiped his face on the sleeve of his hoodie, praying to anyone that would listen that Zack and Matt weren't doing what he thought they were doing.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx

A half hour had gone by since Matt and Zacky had kissed. They had broken the kiss when they heard the bus door slam shut and Pinkly barking. Zacky had checked the front of the bus to find that Brian and Johnny were gone. Not thinking much of it, he returned to the back with Matt and sat in silence for awhile, no words spoken between the two of them until he opened his mouth to speak.

"I think it's safe to say that no straight guy would make out with their guy friend and get turned on by it." Zacky said biting at his snakebites as he looked at the singer. It had been just like that time when they played truth or dare but just a bit more intense since they didn't have to deal with anyone watching them.

"So you're saying I'm..." Matt trailed off biting his own lip ring and shifting in his seat uncomfortably.

"Possibly bisexual but we won't know for sure unless we go out and try to see how you are around girls." Zacky replied and looked at the hazel eyed singer. "There's nothing wrong with it Matt. You're no different from how you were before all of this happened. Being gay or bi doesn't change any of that. I promise."

"How am I supposed to tell the others about this? You saw how Brian was when it was just a dare and he thought something was going on with us. He's going to kill me if I come out."

"We're not together because he screwed that up. Nothing between us," he motioned between Matt and himself "happened until things were over with me and Brian. I'm just trying to help you out as best as I can."

"I really can't thank you enough for this Zee." Matt said moving to get up and pull Zacky into a hug. He hugged back before raising an eyebrow when he felt something poking him.

"Uhh Matt?"

@ rachthebat.

The heavens decided to open up on Brian and Johnny as they ran back to the bus, both holding their hoods up to prevent their hair getting wet. The both laughed as they ran harder, Johnny stepping in a deep puddle and shrieking as the cold water splashed up his legs. They were gasping for breath as they got onto the bus, Jimmy raising an eyebrow in question, before going back to his crossword puzzle.

"It's lashing it down out there," Brian chuckled as he watched Johnny pour water out of his shoes. Glancing around the room, the smile dropped off the lead's face as he noticed the absence of Matt and Zacky, swallowing thickly. "Where are the others?" He asked, trying to keep his voice lighter than he felt.

"Fuck knows," Jimmy shrugged, not taking his eyes off the newspaper in his lap.

Looking back at Johnny, Brian began to crumple again. "I'll go see where they are," Johnny murmured, clapping Brian on the shoulder as he moved passed.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx

"If there's something that needs to be taken care of dude, I can-"

"You think that's a good idea with everyone on the bus?" Matt's eyes widened.

"I just meant I could leave you alone for a bit." Zacky's eyebrow raised at his friend before chuckling at the blushing singer as he pulled away.

"R-Right, of course you did." Matt mumbled.

"I mean I guess if you wanted me to and we were alone, I might-" Zacky stopped talking before straightening up when the door opened. In walked Johnny before crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"So this is where you two disappeared to," Johnny started. "Are we getting that food or what?"

"Right. I'll get right on that." Matt said quietly as he headed towards the door. Johnny looked at Matt before staring at the green eyed man.

"Do you want to explain what's going on with you two? And don't tell me it's nothing."

@ rachthebat.

Zack chewed on his snakebites, fiddling with the edge of his shirt, well aware that he was stalling. "It really was nothing, dude, just messing around, that's all."

"Messing around? Well, tell that to Brian. He walked in on you two 'messing around' and stormed off." Johnny closed the door behind him and leant back on it, crossing his arms over his chest.

Zack rolled his eyes. "What I do has nothing to do with Brian, not anymore. I thought you of all people, would get that."

"I do, Zack, I do. But I went after him. Jesus, the dude completely broke down, right in front of me. Maybe you could talk to him?" Johnny raised a brow at the scoff Zack sent his way. "Please?"

"Since when are you Synyster Gates' biggest fan?" Zack made for the door, the bassist holding out an arm to stop him.

"Since he opened up to me, and told me why he did what he did."

Zack screwed up his face in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"Just go talk to him, for me?"

"I don't know what you hope to gain from me talking to him, it's not like we ever gonna be-"

"I know all that!" Johnny was getting frustrated. "But maybe we could get back to being friends, again? We are in the same band."

Zack huffed. "Fine, whatever. But you owe me."

Johnny let his arm drop, letting Zack out of the room. He just hoped Brian could pull something out of the bag before it was too late.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx

Zacky sighed a little, feeling frustrated about the situation and confused as to why the bassist suddenly seemed to care about Brian all of a sudden.

"Fine." he said before looking at Matt.

"Matt is staying here, I think I want to have a talk with him for a moment."

"We'll talk later." Matt whispered to Zacky before the rhythm left the room.

"So what exactly were you doing Matt?" was the last Zacky heard before the door to the back of the bus shut.

Heading towards the front of the bus, Zacky found Brian curled up on the couch holding Pinkly close to him.

"Brian?"

@ rachthebat.