Dark Shadows

She carried her bags to her car then sighed,"I'll see you whenever, must be nice to know you can just walk out when you decide you can't take anymore huh?" she asaid to him softly, "I can't run away, but I'll probably see you in court," she told him as she fished through the drawers in the kitchen for her notebook with numbers in it then walked out of the house.

---

"Both," he said to her softly as he looked at her.

"Why?" I asked quietly. "I don't deserve love. I don't want to hurt you." I said as I played with the blanket, looking around the room slowly.

---

He looked at a picture from their wedding and sighed, putting it facing down. He couldn't look at it. He walked over to a window, watching her leave. "I'm not putting myself through it anymore. I won't do it."

"You wont hurt me, you're not that kind of person Malia," he told her softly.

---

She climbed into the car then drove off she chewed on her bottom lip as she went, she'd stay in a hotel for a while til she could find a place to rent for herself. The house they'd bought - he could have it, he could live with the pain alone.

He called a realtor, wanting to know if they could put the place for sale. He couldn't stay in it, the silence was eating at him. He grabbed a bag and started packing clothes, thinking of all of the hotels he could stay at until everything was finalized. It hurt him to know that all of the happy times were gone just like that.

---

I shook my head. "I don't know how." I admitted, looking into my lap. Jongdae had been there my entire life. I suppose I cared for him somewhere inside, but I was afraid. I didn't know what or how to do it.

"I'm not here to rush you Malia, I'm here for you whenever you're ready - even if thats never," he said softly.

---

When she got to a hotel she walked into the room,"home sweet home," she whispered softly as she went and set her bags down beside the tv. "Think of it as a vacation," she murmured.

He got to a hotel and sighed, checking in. He looked at the room service menu, trying to decide if he should order or go to the restaurant. He decided to go out, knowing if he stayed in he'd end up crying.

---

I stared at him quietly, not knowing what to say. "I just want to be happy. No matter how long it takes."

Dinah sighed as she smoothed her shirt down, she walked into the conference room. She hadn't seen him in almost two weeks - and it was probably the hardest two weeks of her life. She sat down with her lawyer and looked at the table, she had called her mother; told her what was happening but her mother was completely didn't support of the divorce, told her to fight it. To fight for her marriage they all but got int o a shouting match over how hard they'd been trying. It had left her tired and her eyes sore from crying yet again.

He sat across the table, his lawyer on a side with him. The mediator sat at the head, waiting for everyone to join. He was tired. He hadn't slept at all and spent most time alone. He just wanted to be happy, but he felt like there were dark shadows following him wherever he went, trying to make him feel worse about his decision.

---

I had woken up early. Well, not really. I didn't sleep much. I had nightmares every night, so I just chose not to sleep. I got up and headed to the kitchen, deciding to cook some food. I didn't really know what Jongdae liked, but I knew what I would normally cook on a weekend morning. I made some pancakes, eggs, and bacon and went to boil water for coffee. Usually when i had it ready I could avoid a beating.

She looked up then at then looked at his lawyer, "I don't want anything from him, I don't even know why we're here," she said softly.

"We're here to talk about the baby," he said to her,"Is it his?" he asked.

She scoffed, "Did you tell him it wasn't?" she demanded as she looked at him,"I am positive the baby is his,"

"then I am going to have demand a paternity test," the lawyer said as if she were a cheating wife who was after nothing more than his money.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked him as she looked at his lawyer, "Not til after the baby is born,"

"The sooner we get this done the better," he said.

"I refuse to do a amniocentesis it could kill my baby or cause brain damage," she shook her head at him.

The lawyer sighed as he looked at the woman, "If it's his baby why did you say "my"?" he asked her.

"Because he doesn't want to be around, he wants to run away," she muttered and the mediator raised a hand.

"thats enough," he murmured lightly, "There is no need to get hostile, a DNA test after birth will suffice in court. Where do you stand, Mr. Zhang on the infant?" he asked.

---

Jongdae woke up to the smell of food and groaned happily as he dragged himself out of bed.

He stared at the table, not sure what he wanted anymore. He wouldn't forgive himself if he left the baby, just because it wasn't working with her didn't mean he needed to abandon his child. "I want partial custody."

---

I looked up as he walked out, putting food on a plate. I poured some coffee, putting it on the table. "I made breakfast to say thank you."

"Monitored visitation," she said as she stared at him, how could he leave her, and not be there for the most important part then demand partial rights?! she clenched her fists, she hated him. This was the moment her love for him turned to anger and hate.

---

He smiled, "You didn't have to," he said to herl ightly as he sat down,"Eat with me?" he asked.

I nodded. "You aren't charging me rent and are basically supporting me as I live here. I can cook and clean and make myself useful while I'm here." I said, cleaning up behind me. "Are you sure? I wasn't really allowed at the table." I said softly, looking at the food. I hadn't even made myself a plate, because I normally wasn't allowed to.

---

He shook his head. "Its mine then I have rights. Partial custody." He repeated, his eyes staring into hers. He wouldn't back down. He would be in his babies life, no matter what. "I think it's fair and if she disagrees, then I'll change it to full. I'm a good person, I have a great and well paying job. I have a good chance at winning."

"I have a great job and a high paying one as well, " she said to him, she couldn't believe he'd do this to her, "you'd take this baby away from me, YOU DON'T EVEN WANT IT!" she screamed at him as she stood up then grabbed her purse,"We'll finish this another day, I can't look at your fucking face for another moment," she said as she walked out of the ro

---

He smiled,"You're allowed to eat with me Malia come on," he said to her smiling a little.

I sighed a little, taking a plate and putting a small amount of food on it: one pancake, a spoonful of eggs and half a slce of bacon. The food was mostly for him, I didn't want to eat most of it.

---

He stood, grabbing his things and walking after her. "Its my child and I have rights. Just because I don't want you, doesn't mean I don't want it. If I didn't want a child, why would I stay with you 3 years and 7 possible children later?" He asked coldly, staring at her.

"You act like this is my fault! I've been trying, you havem't you've been shutting me out," she said to him him, "You think I'm not hurting too?! I'm having this baby, I'm going through all the scares, and I'm going through everything alone and you want to try and take this baby from me after the hard part is over?" she said to him. "you can have partial but not til the it's over a year and a half. I'm breast feeding exclusively," she spoke surely.

"I'm tired Yixing, I love you and hate you at the same time - I just want to be left alone," she whispered.

---

"Grab what you want I'm not really hungry," he admitted to her.

He shook his head. "You arent keeping me away for a year. You'll need to figure it out because I will be in this baby's life. Whether I want to be with you or not."

---

I looked at him sadly. "Do you not like it? I can make something else, Its for you I don't want to eat it all. I'm sorry, I can try harder I'll make something else." I said, wiping my eyes, remembering how scared I would get when he didn't like what I made. He would throw it at me and I didn't want Jongdae to be mad either. "What do you like? I'll make it quickly so you won't have to wait."

"I didn't say you couldn't see it," she told him,"I just don't think trading back and forth the first year of life is a good idea," she told him seriously. "By the way in order to take full custody you'll have to prove me unfit to be a parent," she told him softly,"I've thought of everything," she murmured, "We've both been diagnosed with depression and ptsd so neither of us is really able to fight it," she explained.

---

He smiled,"Malia I don't eat a whole lot," he said to her,"don't get upset," he said to softly.

He shrugged. "Then I get what I want. Partial custody. You'll need to figure something out because I'm going to be in their life, and if we aren't together, coming over every other day isn't going to be ideal. So, make it work." He said seriously, looking at her.

---

I stared at my hands. "I don't want you to be upset." I murmured, looking at the food. "I can make you something better for lunch."

She stared at him for a long time, she'd talk with a judge about him having visitation the first year and a half three times a week for half the day then getting him or her every weekend after that then once he or she was older two weeks out of a month. She turned then walked away from him and going to her car, maybe she could leave the state - the country at this rate so she didn't have to deal with him anymore.

---

"I'm not upset," he said to her taking her hands in his, "I promise, I'm not really hungry just eat til you're full,"

He sighed a little, rubbing his face. "You can't keep running from this. The more you run the longer getting this finalized will take." I said after her as she walked off.

---

I nodded a little. "Let me cook something better for lunch? What do you want?" I asked, putting the food away. I wasn't going to eat, I'll save the food for later, maybe he would eat it later. I didnt want to eat his food, if I ate all of it I would feel bad. "I'll just put the food away, you can have it later or tomorrow."