I Feel Myself Go Under

Ashley held him close as he cried, smoothing her hand up and down his t-shirt clad spine as he wet her neck with his tears. She had nothing to say, but she didn't think it mattered. All she could do was hold him. It broke her heart to feel so helpless, but she determinedly bit back the lump that rose in her throat. This wasn't about her, this was about Oliver, and she'd rather be damned than add more to his worries.

When Oli moved back to wipe his damp face, he thanked her and her heart broke all over again.

"You don't need to thank me," she told him softly, then squirmed out her own jeans, leaving the sweater on.

She tucked in against his chest, reaching back to fish about for his hand, bringing it round and holding it in both of hers. She pressed a kiss to the inked knuckles as he wished her goodnight. It sounded promising, maybe crying had exhausted him to the point he'd be able to sleep...

"Sweet dreams," Ash replied, settling down against the warmth of the body behind her. "Love you."

Oliver woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. He gently untangled himself from Ashley before reaching down and grabbing his jeans. He carefully slipped out of the bunk before pulling on his jeans.

He stepped over the guys who were still on the ground and made his way to the cabnet. He grabbed the ibprophen, dumping 3 in his hand. He popped them in his mouth before swallowing them dry. He looked at the clock and noticed it was only nine in the morning. He sighed before stepping off the bus.

He lit up a smoke and taking a deep drag. He didn't remember much from last night, but he did remember breaking down in Ashley's arms. He was starting to feel a bit embarrassed, as he had only broke down like that once before.
Both times she was there for him when he was broken, and he was extremely thankful to have her.

He flicked his cigarette butt before heading back on the bus. He noticed a few people move about, but ignored them. He grabbed a water before heading into the back. He noticed Lee passed out on the couch. He couldn't help himself as he stuck a finger in his mouth, getting it soaked, before jabbing it in his ear.

"Rise and shine!" Oliver yelled. He laughed as he jerked awake, falling off the couch. Lee muttered a few swear words before walking towards his bunk. Oliver laughed again before flopping down on the couch.

Ashley stirred as Oliver left the bunk, turning into the warmth he'd left in the sheets as she blinked slowly into wakefulness. She lay there for a short time, content to cocoon herself in the sheets and listen to the early morning goings on around the bus.

At the sound of Oli's yell, she huffed a laugh, finally stretching out and pushing the blankets back. Lee thumped into his bunk, looking rather appalling for his morning wake up call, and she flashed a grin at him as she dug out a pair of leggings.

Ash tugged the leggings on and collected her book, maybe she'd have more luck with it now, after sleep. She found Oliver on the couch, and gave him a sleepy smile, dropping down next to him and wriggling her bare toes under his thigh to keep them warm.

"How's your head?" she asked as she pulled her hair back into a hair tie, trying to tame it until she could shower. "Have you had water yet?"

"Hurts like hell. I took pain meds though, should be fine." He said before shaking the bottle of water he had, showing her he did.
He uncapped it and chugged half of it, easing his dry throat.

"I think we are staying in a hotel tonight, so you can get alot of studying done." He said as he noticed her book. They had tomorrow off, which he was thankful for. He needed a break, and he was excited to spend it with her.

He was debating on staying in with her or partying. He was leaning towards staying in, but that could all change after the show.

Oliver rolled his water bottle between both of his hands, thinking about lastnight again. He turned his head to look at Ashley, feeling ashamed. "Um, I'm glad you were there lastnight, and that it wasn't like the other times I snapped. But uh, I'm happy you are here," he said pulling her legs onto his lap, "You're really helping me." He said as he ran his hand up and down her cloth covered leg.

Ashley leant against Oliver as he maneuvered her legs into his lap, bringing a hand to the back of his neck and kneading the pressure points at the base of his skull.

"Anything to help," she promised him. "Besides, I think you're owed a few from the amount of times you've put up with me on my period, hm?"

Of course, whatever was haunting Oli was far worse than some wayward hormones and cramps. But she didn't want him dwelling on it. Didn't want him to ever feel like he couldn't come to her, and she was afraid if she made a big deal out of it he'd stop coming to her when he needed it.

"A hotel, though?" she eyed the book in her lap, thumbing along the pages so they fanned out, but didn't open it. "Could be a waste to spend that time studying, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and all that. We could go out, if you want? Or stay in? Unless you have plans."

Ash dropped her head against Olivers shoulder, smothering a yawn with her hand.

"Do you reckon the hotel room'll have a bath?" she questioned idly, moving on to curling her fingers in the short hair at Oli's nape instead of massaging the skin. "A soak would be nice."

Oliver closed his eyes and relaxed as Ashley massaged the back of his neck, he could feel the headache he had become a gentle buzz instead of a harsh pound.

"You are pretty bad when it's that time of the month." He laughed, eyes still closed. He could tell by the tone of her voice that she was watching what she said around him. It made him angry, at himself mainly, that she even had to do that. It wasn't right.

"I'm not sure. We could go to dinner before the show. Just the two of us?" He said opening his eyes to see her lay her head on his shoulder. He sighed happily when she started playing with his hair. He placed a kiss on her head before resting his cheek ontop of it.

"That sounds good right now." He dug his phone out of his pocket, sending a quick text to Josh asking if Ashley and him could get a suite, one with a jacuzzi.

"We drove over night, so we can check in soon if ya'd like." He said after getting a text right back from Josh saying he could do that. He sent a text back, asking one more favor. Bubble bath soap for her, lavender mint to be exact.
He smiled, knowing Ashley would love a decent bath with her favorite soap. After everything he put on her, this was the least he could do.

"Mm, whatever you'd like," Ashley hummed out against his shoulder. "Dinner sounds pretty good though."

She huffed a laugh and smiled up at him, enjoying the easy morning he appeared to be having so far.

"I think I'm getting old," she told him. "Looking forward to a bath so much when a couple of years ago I'd barely believe I'd be here with you."

She arched her back a little, trying to work the kinks from the night out. Her sweater smelt of sleep and she pulled a face at it.

"How soon is soon?" Ash asked Oliver. "I should at the very least change my top for check in."

"Is that what that smell is?" He laughed before sliding away from her. He pecked her lips before standing up. He stretched, groaning as he heard bones pop and muscles becoming tight instead of loose.

"Lets pack a bag, and I need a shirt. Then we can go." He walked to his bunk, which ended up being storage for their things. He threw his dirty clothes out, adding them to the pile of other dirty clothes. He grabbed a few random clothes before shoving his shower bag in. He found a shirt, wasn't sure if it was clean or dirty, and threw it on. He dug around a bit more, finding a beanie and his jacket. He put the beanie on and threw his jacket over his arm.

Once he was ready, he linked his hand with Ashley's before making his way off the bus. As they walked into the hotel lobby he saw Josh at the front desk. Josh smiled and handed him their keycards.

Ashley whacked Oliver's arm lightly when he laughed at her, but followed him through anyway.

She swapped her sweater for a large tshirt and added her clean things to his. She shoved her feet into a pair of boots and allowed him to lead her off the bus and to the hotel.

She grew more awake in the morning air and at the thought of a real bath for once. She grinned at Josh as he handed over the key cards and squeezed Oli's hand.

"Look at you, being all efficient," she teased her boyfriend gently. "Not even ten in the morning and we can go straight to a room."

"I have my moments." He teased back. He was feeling okay today, but the little voice in the back of his mind told him it won't last long.

They walked into the elevator and he pushed the button. He pulled her close to him, looking down at her as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He placed a kiss on her lips.

Once they got to the door he turned to her, "There's a suprise for you. Close your eyes." He said with a smirk. He slipped the card in the door and opened it, grabbing her hand and leading her in. He brought her over to the bathroom and positioned her in front of him.

"Open," he whispered in her ear and smiled. The tub was huge, big enough to fit 4 grown men inside. He saw 2 bottles of her favorite bubble bath, as well as shampoos and body washes. He made a mental note to thank Josh.

Ashley closed her eyes, a smile on her lips as she was led through the room. A shiver ran down her spine as Oliver's voice sounded in her ear and she opened her eyes.

The bath before her was enormous, and bottles of her favourite bubble bath sat on the side. Ash bounced on the balls of her feet, clasping her hands in excitement before spinning to throw her arms round Oli's neck.

"You," she told him, resting her forehead to his. "Are amazing. Absolutely amazing."

She kissed him through her smile, clutching at the fabric of his tshirt. She was pleased to have him here, at least for the morning. Where he would go in the evening... well, she doubted even he knew yet. But he was here now, and he seemed lighter than the previous night.

"With a bath so big, will you be joining me?" She asked with a grin. "Or are bubble baths not 'metal' enough?"

"Its the least I do." He said before she captured his lips in a kiss. He placed his hands on her hips and deepened the kiss, sliding his tounge into her mouth. He pulled away and rested his forehead against hers again.

"I will, just don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold." He said with a smile before slipping away from her.
"Get it started." He said before walking into the room. He threw his backpack, jacket and beanie on the bed. He slipped off his shoes, leaving them by the bed.

He walked back into the bathroom and stripped himself of his clothes. He smiled as he sat down in the tub across from Ashley. It wasn't full enough yet, just over his legs so far.

Ashley let out a pleased hum as Oli joined her in the bath, the water was warm as it rose around her and she'd added possibly more bubble mix than strictly necessary into the water, the white foam rapidly rising from where the stream of tap water hit the bath.

She poked a damp, bubbly foot against Oliver's side, leaving a smear of foam across his tattoos.

"I think I'll keep you," she declared after a moment. "I didn't even realise you'd noticed my bubble bath preferences."

Ash pulled the tie from her hair, shaking it out over her shoulders and running a hand through to rid it of the worst of the tangles. She slouched further into the water as it crept up her stomach and sighed happily.

"I notice everything." Oliver said as he grabbed her foot and started to massage it. He smiled at her as he noticed her relax into the water. She deserved this, and Oliver was happy to give it to her.

As the water got high enough, he reached over and turned off the water. He found the buttons for the jets and turned them on. For once, he let himself relax in the tub. He felt how sore his body was from the months of shows he had performed so far, along with the nights of partying.

"I'm thinking of staying in tonight, if that's alright. I think I need a break." Oliver said as he placed Ashleys foot back in the water and grabbing the other.

Ashley slid down enough to rest her head back against the rim of the tub, groaning quietly as Oliver massaged her feet.

She nodded along to his words as her eyes slid shut. It pained her a little, that he should need to check if it was alright. But she was somewhat pleased he was considering staying in. She was aware partying came with what he did, liked to join in when she didn't need to study too, but sometimes she worried that maybe Oliver didn't know his own limits. Or worse, that he did and he was pushing them.

"Of course it's alright," she told him. "Whatever you want."

She cracked an eye open and looked over at Oli as he turned his attention to her other foot.

"Come here when you're done and I'll do you back?" She offered. "For entirely selfish reasons, of course. I quite like touching you."

Oliver huffed out a laugh, knowing just how true that statement was.
"You know I feel the same way." Only when he was in a good mood of course, which they both knew was rare.

He slid himself between her legs, sitting with his back facing her. He wrapped her legs around his waist and sighed when she started running her hands down his back. He softly ran his hands up and down her legs.

"I think I need to let you touch more." he moaned as she worked out the knots in his back. He honestly wished he could keep his temper in line more. It seemed like the harder he tried, the more out of line it got.

"Mmmm, whenever you want," Ashley hummed out, pressing a kiss to Oliver's shoulder as she ran her hands down his back.

She pressed her thumbs into the knots on his back until she felt some of the tension leave him. Ash slid her damp hands round to circle his waist and drape herself over his back, too short to prop her chin on his shoulder, she nuzzle along his shoulder blade instead.

"You know I'll do anything you need," she told him softly, hoping the lack of face to face contact would make it easier. He could take it how he liked, or straight up brush it off. "You don't have to pretend. Not if it makes it difficult for you."

She squeezed him lightly and kissed his shoulder again. Ash didn't want to set him off, but she needed him to know.

Oliver sighed, taking in what Ashley just told him. He placed his hands on her arms and looked down at their feet. After a few minutes of slience, he spoke.

"I'm not pretending right now. You make me happy. But the darkness is always there, waiting to come out, constantly keeping me on edge." He liked the fact he couldn't see her, he didn't want to see her get upset with his words.
"I can never escape it Ash. Never." He whispered.

"I know," she assured him. "I just... I just wanted to say. I know it's not you and I know who you are and I love you and I know you love me and... and I just want you to remember that, yeah? Even when the darkness comes."

She shifted in the tub, slipping a little as she bought her legs underneath her and knelt up behind him. She pressed behind him and leant over his shoulder, kissing his cheek.

"Didn't mean to be a downer, I'm sorry," she said. "Not when I have you here to myself in this ridiculously large bath you pulled out of... I don't even know where."

He turned around and captured her lips in a kiss, feeling like words couldn't express the pleasure he felt from her words. He slid a hand up to cup her cheek, sliding the other to tangle in her hair, deepening the kiss.

He didn't think any words could ever express how much he loved her, appreciated what she has done and to thank her for always believing in him.
But he guessed that it if he wasn't so broken than maybe he could.

He broke the kiss and rested his forhead agaisnt hers, taking in a deep breath.
"I love you." he whispered before capturing her lips again.