I Feel Myself Go Under

Ashley wrapped her arms around him as he kissed her, melting into the contact and doing her best to pour all the affection she had into the kiss.

She drew a shuddering breath when he pulled back, brushing her nose against his as Oli breathed deep too.

Oliver told her he loved him and she met his lips halfway as he dipped back in. She held him as tight as she could, or at least as best she could with their wet skin slippery as it was. Ash bought a hand up to his nape, gripping gently at the short hair as the back of his head.

Oliver grunted as Ashley gripped his hair, turning him on more. He slid his hands down from her face and placed them on her knees, pushing them apart. He pushed himself closer to her, causing him to rub against her warmth. He could only imagine her being wet and warm, not being able to tell from the bath.

He ran his hands up her legs to her chest, taking in every curve of her body. He let his hands graze over her chest, his thumbs brushing agaisnt her soft pink buds. He was letting his hormones take over, letting his thoughts revolve around Ashley and his feelings for her. It was nice to have the little voice inside his head shut up, even for a few minutes.

Ashley made a soft noise against Oliver's mouth as his hands brushed against her breasts, arching into the soft touch.

She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him as close as she could and rocking her hips to his. The warmth of arousal was growing in the pit of her stomach and the feel of Oli against her sent shivers down her spine.

Ash broke the kiss once more, moving her lips across his jaw before using the hand on the back of his neck to guide his lips where she wanted them at her neck.

Oliver kissed along her neck where she dirrected him to, biting and slightly sucking. He reached a hand down to grab himself, slowly guiding himself into her. He let out a soft moan as he felt her warmth surround him.
He started to slowly move in and out of her while he rested his head in the crook lf her neck.

After Oliver finished he stayed between her legs, head on her shoulder trying to catch his breath. He lifted his head and looked at her, her cheeks were pink and her breathing was slowly returning to normal.

"The bath is cold now." he laughed as he noticed the temperature of the water. He pulled himself away from her and stood up. He reached over and grabbed two towels, handing one to her before wrapping the other around his waist.

"I love you." He said, placing a kiss on her lips before walking out of the bathroom to get dressed.

Ashley was feeling relaxed and content as she watched Oliver play that evening. The time they'd spent together that day had warmed her heart, it had been nice seeing Oli how he had been, back before everything. It had seemed almost normal.

She watched from the side of the stage today, in a corner where she wouldn't get in the way but could see most of the goings on. She bounced to the beat, muttering along to the words she knew off by heart. The crowd were as loud as ever, and the constant pride she felt for her boyfriend all but radiated off her.

She tapped a bottle of water against her leg, waiting for the break in the set for when he'd come over.

Halfway through the set they took a break, letting a video play on the screen. Oliver rushed off the stage snd greeted Ashley, accepting the bottle of water she had for him.
"Well hello darlin'." he said with a smile, wiping off his face with the bottom of his shirt. He gave her a small kiss before chugging the whole bottle of water.

After the show, Oli decided to meet some fans since he was feeling up for it.
"I shouldn't be long, just wait for me on the bus yeah?" He told Ashley, giving her a kiss and walking towards thd fans that were lined up behind a barrier.
Oli happily took pictures with fans and signed things for them before his mood was ruined.

"You're a fuckin fake!" he heard someone yell, he looked away from the fan he was talking to and looked at where it came from. He saw a muscular guy, around his age, looking right at him.
"You suck!" the guy yelled getting closer to him. Oli stepped towards him, fearless, and got in his face. "Why don't you shut the fuck up man." Oli said in a calm voice. Without another word the guy swung and hit Oli right in the face.
Oli smirked at the guy before punching him back.

Soon they were both on the ground, Oli somehow getting the upper hand as he was sitting on his chest, punching the him over and over again.

Ashley smiled and nodded at Oli's words, making her way to the bus. He had been mellow all throughout the day and seemed to have genuinely enjoyed his time in stage that night, rather than flagging as he was prone to lately.

She was reading her textbook, actually absorbing the I formation in thr quiet of the bus, when she heard shouting outside. Exciting screaming wasn't uncommon, and it was generally something she ignored. But this sounded genuinely malicious. Ash glanced out the window, idly curious, and jerk ed back in a double take in time to see Oli punch a man outside.

Ash froze, eyes wide, then bolted to the door, hanging on the frame and watching as the burly security waded into the mess. She took a few steps off the bus, then faltered. Would she make things better, or worse? People were already milling around the scene, shouts were being thrown. She was sure right now the security would be much more useful than she would, so all she could do was watch.

After being broken apart by security Oliver stormed onto the bus. He flung open the fridge and grabbed a beer, downing it. All he was feeling was anger. He was letting some random guy get inside of his head. Oliver started to think maybe the guy was right, maybe he was a fake.
He threw the empty bottle at the window in front of him, watching it shatter and grabbed another.

"What was that about?" Lee asked sitting down on the couch.
"Fuck off." Oliver said with his back facing him.

It wasn't the first time he got into a fight and it seemed like it always started the same. Some guy pushes his buttons and Oli doesn't think before punching him in the face.

Ashley hesitated, chewing her lip in her indecision.

Eventually she followed Oliver. To check he hadn't hurt himself, at the very least. There was glass on the floor, which she swept aside with one foot.

"Did you hurt yourself?" she asked Oli, getting straight to the point. There was little point in asking him why, or what he was thinking. She got the feeling he wasn't sure himself. But she could see if he was physically okay.

And then probably go to bed alone. It looked like tonight would be a night Oliver passed out somewhere and wouldn't be moved.

"Just fuck off will ya. Everyone." he grumbled before pushing Ash aside and heading to the back. He slammed the door and made his way over to the cabinet. He needed something stronger than weed and alcohol. He needed to be numb to the world. And he needed the stupid voices to shut up.

He found small white pills that looked similar to ecstasy. He didn't think about it any longer before popping two in his mouth and chased them with the rest of his beer, tossing the empty bottle on the ground.

He kept pacing back and forth, chewing on his thumb nail. His thoughts kept telling him that he was worthless. The reason he was feeling this way was because what the guy said was true. The louder they got, the more he believed it. The darkness washed over him and he knew there was no escaping it.
"Just shut up!" he yelled, punching the sides of his head.

Ash took a startled step back as Oli pushed her out the way, and it took the slamming of the door for her to come back and realise where he had gone.

She looked at his band mates but they appeared just as clueless as she was as she hovered there in the gangway.

Her first instinct was to go after him. To yank the door open and ask him what the fuck that was all about. But then he'd probably get angry again. And it would be as much her fault as his if she forced herself in his space and he did something he'd regret when he came back to himself.

Ashley winced as she heard Oli begin to shout. At who, or what, she wasn't sure. There was no one else in there. Thumps and crashes followed and she couldn't even think of what he was doing in there.

In the end, she decided to wait. Instant coffee and energy drinks seemed to be in near infinite number on a bands touring bus. She made a cup of the bitter, off brand hot drink and settled on the sofa. He would come out eventually, she supposed. Whether angry or calm she'd have to wait and see.

Oliver felt whatever he took kick in as he started to feel weightless. His whole body went numb and he could see himself falling, told his body to brace his fall but it didn't listen as he landed face first on the ground.

He groaned and tried to roll over, but he felt frozen. He tried harder and was able to roll over. He looked up at the roof of the ceiling, trying to figure out what was happening. Before his mind could think of anything, he saw himself flying towards the sky. His body felt weightless and his mind was free.
He heard voices, but couldn't make out who they belonged to or what they were saying.

"He must have found the K." Vegan said laughing as he stood in the doorway.

Vegan was the first to make the move across to where Oliver had fallen mostly silent. As the door opened she waited, listening out for a reaction, but all she got was his laughing.

Ashley sighed at Vegan's words. She knew the sort of things they got up to when they were partying, she didn't mind nor care. But this was different. This wasn't for fun.

She slid off the sofa and went to stand behind Vegan, looking round at Oliver lying prone on the floor. His nose was bloody where he must have hit it when he fell.

"Can you prop him up, or something?" She asked Vegan blandly. "If he chokes on his own blood you'll be down a front man."

"He will be fine, he's a big boy." Vegan said placing a hand on her shoulder. He looked at Oli again before laughing.
"He is so fucked up. Lucky bastard."

Oliver started to slowly come back down from his trip and he started to recognize the voices. He tried to move, but his body was still frozen. There was a metallic taste in his mouth, he moved his tounge around and swallowed. It was still there but he soon forgot about it.

He moved his eyes over to where he heard the voices and saw Vegan and Ashley standing there. Vegan was laughing, most likely at him, but the look on her face hurt Oli. He didn't want her to see him this way, he knew he fucked up, but that's who he was right?

Oliver started to feel his body again, every nerve coming alive, the soreness in his face. He didn't want this to end, he enjoyed whatever it was he took. He wasn't inside himself anymore, he couldn't feel anything. He loved it.

"Lucky bastard," Ashley echoed with a nod. "Best leave him to it, then."

She reached across Vegan and closed the door again, blocking Oli and his vacant expression out.

Ash turned back down the gangway, pulling out the dirty laundry from Oliver's bunk and sorting through it.

"Don't expect it to happen again," she called to the others. "But I'm hunting down a laundromat tomorrow. Anything that needs washing and won't choke me, toss it in the bunk."

Oliver drunk, she was used to. Oliver high, she was used to. Oliver getting so angry he'd beat a guy up, shout at everyone and drug himself comatose on the floor, she wasn't used to. And if it was going to become a frequent occurrence she wanted Oliver's bunk cleared for him.

After Oliver got movement in his body he slowly lifted himself off the floor. His head was still swirling from the drug, making everything he did feel like slow motion.
He got to his feet with help from the edge of the couch and stumbled his way to the door. He opened it and found Ash standing in front of the bunk. He didn't say anything as he walked past her, placing his hands on her hips to move her slightly.

"He's alive!" Vegan yelled as Oliver walked into the front. "How was your first K trip?" He asked smiling at him. Oliver furrowed his brow, not fully understanding what he was talking about.
"Ketamine dude! What, you didn't even know what it was? Holy fuck." Vegan laughed, the other guys slightly smiled but the looks on their faces were pure sympathy.

Oliver had tried almost every drug, but never Ketamine. He had heard of it from other friends, but he never saw what it did. He was already thinking about doing it again, but maybe only taking one pill instead of two.
"Can you get more?" he slurred out. He wasn't excepting any words to come out.

He turned back around to speak to Ashley and noticed the sad look on her face, almost disappointment. He closed his eyes, remembering how angry he was not too long ago.

Ashley leant away from Oliver's touch, brief as it was, continuing to sort and fold clothes that needed washing. She got the overwhelming sense of feeling like a scorned wife. This wasn't what she was supposed to be. She wasn't supposed to tell Oli what he could and couldn't do, and she tried so hard not to be that person. She didn't want to be the person that made her boyfriend sleep on the metaphorical couch, but if he was asking for more ketamine... well, he obviously had plans to do it again.

The rest of this tour was looking to be a long one, and she was beginning to wonder how many nights she'd have to watch Oli do this. And possibly how many nights of it she could deal with. The entire air of detachment about him was almost unnerving, not like anything she'd seen from him before.

"Are you planning on going to bed?" She asked, noting Oliver's attention on her. "Or are you..." She waved a hand at his general slumped appearance and gave a shrug.

"No," Oliver said shaking his head. He ran a hand down his face, trying to figure out what was happening. He pulled his hand back when he felt a mixture of wet and dry on his nose.

He went into the small bathroom, squinting as the bathroom light almost blinded him. He saw blood running down his nose and into his mouth, the left side of his face was already starting to bruise. He ran his fingers under his left eye, it would be black for sure.

He tried cleaning his face off, but failed as it hurt and he couldn't seem to be coordinated enough. "Ash?" he said opening the bathroom door.

Ash turned at the sound of her name, taking in the sight of Oli in the bathroom door. The blood on his face was smeared, it was getting in his hands and he looked starkly pale against the dark of the blood.

She sighed inwardly before going over to him, cupping his face lightly and turning his head to examine the damage.

"We'll get you cleaned up, yeah?" she asked rhetorically, leaving the bathroom briefly to get the cloth she normally used for her make up. It was soft, softer than the tissues they had anyway, and she ran it under the tap.

She started with his hands, carefully ridding each finger of dried blood so he didn't smear it further, before moving on to his face.

Oliver sat on the toilet and winced a few times as Ashley cleaned his face. He tried to avoid her eyes not wanting to see what she was feeling, knowing it would hurt him. He knew he was hurting her, but he couldn't stop.

"I'm sorry," He whispered as Ashley continued to clean his face. He wasn't sure what he was sorry for, seeing as he had done alot to her so far.