Confess on My Wayward Son

If I study enough, maybe I'll forget that I'm hungry.
If I go to sleep, I don't need to eat.
I have two definitive reasons to lose weight. One is to build up my self-esteem again. My old clothes are tight on me for the first time since the beginning of college and it makes me feel disgusting.
The other is so that I can appear attractive to other people and they'll desire me thus making it easier to find a third person and my boyfriend will be happy with me.
And then maybe we'll still send Canada stuff and he'll finally stop giving me shit about my sex life because I won't just be talk anymore. But it could backfire and he could demand more. Idk.

...

Maybe I just want to be enough. He tells me I am but I don't feel like I am with how much he asks me to find a third. But maybe that's just me. I want to be better than his exes who were able to do this for him. I just constantly feel like I'm holding him back from having any fun.

I'm tired of feeling guilty for something that's out of my control. I'd literally give anything to not be in pain and be more energetic and happy and willing to do things, but it's kinda hard to do when I'm in agonizing pain and miserable. And I wish you'd stop making me feel so damn guilty for that, like you want me to fake it or something because you're tired of me "moping around". Like buddy..... I don't want to be like this any more than you want me to be like this but being passive-aggressive and making snide remarks about it doesn't change it and only makes me feel worse and like crying constantly

I have the biggest crush on Jeremy Jordan? How did I only find out about him now? Why is he so good at singing? Why is he continents away and why am I so much younger I'm so

Thanks for ignoring me. :-)

It's not too cold but its not too warm either. Good weather for having a birthday. But I wish it were just a bit warmer. LOL.

We accidentally fell asleep watching Justice League and we woke up just in time for him to rush out the door and make it to work. I know it isn't my fault but I feel horrible because of the way it happened. We both had heart attacks waking up and then he almost fell over putting his shoes on and I about fell off the couch and is this what married life is like?

I know this is my fault, so I don't get to try and be needy now. I deserve to worry.
It's rough when a self-harming person dates someone else who self-harms, despite our different methods of doing it.

Despite actively trying to seek help for my mental health, it's been gradually getting worse and worse and I just feel like a complete burden on the services because it keeps fluctuating and I feel like that makes it less believable because anti-depressants are supposed to work consistently (so my GP says) but after the initial two week period of the dose being upped, I seem to level out and feel like it working and let her know that I'm feeling a benefit, but then it just doesn't remain that way and I crash so fucking hard.

Sometimes I wonder what you would say if I told you how happy you made me then.

I'd like to think maybe it would make you feel good to know you had an impact. I'm always really bad at expressing myself or even taking the first action. I'm sorry.

@ Mr. Darcy
Don't let your GP tell you that: you're going to feel a flux for the first (approximate) 4 weeks of your new doses and any new meds. That's just how they work. You'll feel an initial high and then a secondary low. This can sometimes happen several times over the course and then if they're working by that fourth week you'll feel leveled out. I know it must seem scary and like you're all over the place, I know I would be too, but I just want you to know that what you're doing is very valiant and I'm extremely proud of you. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you need help, let alone to seek it. Especially when you have a doctor who doesn't seem to understand how the new doses and medications will take (and even being prescribed new doses-- that alone would be intimidating!). You're nobody's burden, let alone to those who are professional, they decided to go into the field for a reason: they want to help you with your ailments. Don't ever doubt what you're doing or judge yourself for what you feel. I promise you that it's all completely justified.

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Went out with a friend for the first time in MONTHS and now I'm home to a little bit of coffee, just to satisfy the craving, and a lot of Scooby-Doo.

Writing femmeslash is so...hard, like holy cow. Great thing that I'm working with my bae

moody, tired, and just about hate everything right now. guess i'll watch tv until i fall asleep. hate feeling like this.

Holy shit I'm way more estatic than I should be at the popularity of this dumb ship on AO3....

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I'm reading and he's drawing and the curtains are drawn and the light is ambient and it's perfect.

Had a break down yesterday because I've stopped my medication since my surgery. My own fault.

cant wait to see my boyfriend today.

That was probably the most traumatizing thing I've ever witnessed and been a part of. I guess thank god or whoever that all the cars were going the opposite way and she stayed in the bicycle lane.

The fact that there are people who I know irl who ONLY know me as Galaxy Girl....

stoned and have the munchies, nice.

I got the permanent contract!

Don't know what's worse, a hung parliament with the possibility of DUP / Tory coalition or the Tories being in themselves.

If we haven't called another independence referendum soon I'm getting as far out of this country as I can. There's no hope for the future of the youth in this country.