Confess on My Wayward Son

You wanna know what the worst part is? I knew better. I fucking knew better and I still went along and did it anyways. And now I'm burned for the second fucking time and the worst part is, if he had a decent excuse I'd consider going back to him. I know better and I fucking hate myself for being this pathetic.

I want to love my job, sadly I don’t. I’m trying to remain positive, I’m employed, I’m earning my own money. I’m not completely satisfied, though, and I want to be.

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There is a thing called money, how about you use it to buy your own things and stop using my shit.

willow.:

I want to love my job, sadly I don’t. I’m trying to remain positive, I’m employed, I’m earning my own money. I’m not completely satisfied, though, and I want to be.

Same as fucking hell.

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I'm so glad there's so much going on this month. It makes me feel better to have distractions.

matt murdock:

Slightly worried. Even though she's insufferable, she at least knows how to do payroll so that I get the amount I'm supposed to get. Last time Marvin did it, I got shorted $50 on my paycheck.

I'm 100% right and I'm so fucking pissed off. I can't wait to leave this company, and I'm happy to see it suffer without me.

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I keep getting upset about cleaning up the mess we leave in my room, and needing to get all his stuff ready for when we leave in the morning. It feels like I'm already playing the mother role...even though I know it's probably not fair, because he probably doesn't feel comfortable doing stuff around the house without me...but that's just another thing.
I can't tell if I'm just complaining or if this is a valid thing to be upset about.

I PASSED MY L&D EXAM.

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So just everyone in the Justice Leauge main cast is hot as hell. Like. I absolutely can't express it enough. That entire cast is gorgeous. All of them.

i still miss him. god, i still miss him. i don't want him to be with that other guy, i want him to be with me. i want to feel his arms around me, i want him to hold me while i cry again. i want to feel his lips on mine, kissing me. i want him to tell me that i mean the world to him again. i fucked everything up and there's nothing i can do about it now. i could've made things right, i could've trusted him, but i fucked up.

i just want him back.

What do you have to do to deserve love? I'm just so afraid that I'm going to be alone forever and so far no one is trying to prove me wrong. Something has to be wrong with me, I just know it.

Update: he forgot and told me I should've reminded him even though I did. Granted my timing wasn't perfect since he was out (though I didn't know that) but damn, I've never had to remind anyone to hang out. Makes me feel like I'm such an inconvenience, like I'm there to pass the time.

I have to stick to my guns though. I can't go around claiming I'm a bad bitch and then not follow through.

On a related note, I deleted my tinder so that's nice.

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I have 6 days to do 2 3000 word essays and an online test. Which would be fine if I didn't work 6/7 days of the week and have a concert on Sunday. Why do I hate myself: a novel by me.

Someone help this child. She's going to need someone to shield her self-entitled feelings from my harsh criticism of her story ideas.

All I want to do is to go hoooommmeeeee.
Batfleck can totally be my hot leather daddy all damn night.

Not okay.

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Lol so can't post on my finsta anymore..........

this has been such a bad fucking month and it's only the 10th. jesus christ.

I got a 91% on my pediatric test: I'm so proud that I could cry.

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This is gonna seem so stupid, but somebody stole my onion rings and I'm unbelievably pissed off about it. Me and the other half went to a restaurant the other night for a friend's birthday, and everyone's meal was enormous so we ended up bringing the leftovers home - my onion rings included in the box with the chips so they're still vegetarian. I paid for that meal and wanted to bring them home for later. But somebody else has eaten them without even bothering to ask if I wanted my own leftovers.

I'm getting real tired of it all. It just seems to always be my stuff. My mug, my shirts, my onion bloody rings. I'm probably being petulant and paranoid and making leaps, but it's just really bugging me that I can't seem to have something nice and keep it that way if it's not in my sight and handled by me at all times.

I've been working on this careplan for only an hour and it's essentially done....

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Watching holiday makeup palette reviews and now all I can think about is Christmas.

I deleted Instagram (the app, not my my account(s)) 'cause it's just a bottomless void and it makes me feel worse. I even went on his profile today and ended up crying in the bathroom at work because it's basically a shrine to our relationship (particularly the beginning). I mean, it made me happy to just look at them and remember how much fun we had, but it makes me sad that exactly 1 year later, it's all in shambles.

Good news is that I'm moving out in December, I've decided. Hopefully will get a dog soon after. And then in a year I'm hoping to leave Arizona and move to San Diego or something. This is part of the reason why I'm so sad every day, at least last time I had things to look forward to like graduation and getting a job but now I'm just stuck and it sucks, there's not much to look forward to besides the aforementioned apartment and doggo.

But even then, looking forward to that isn't making me happy.

The only person Koriand'r should be with is Dick and the only person Dick should be with is Koriand'r. Fight me.

I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid. Keep on making mistakes. When am I gonna learn? Fuck!

The message wasn't unwanted, I hope you know that. I just woke up way after it.

It's nice having you around like this. Though I can't help but feel paranoid for every little thing I say and do. And that isn't a sleight against you. I'm paranoid. I'm used to people leaving. I'm used to being alone. I'm used to being the fuck up.