Confess on My Wayward Son

lmfao.

I just need to accept the reality of it all. It's not going to change, no matter how much I dwell on it.

Guess now's a good time as any to get a dog.

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edit: I did it. I told him we shouldn't talk for the time being, that I couldn't handle all of this. He understood and said he'd wait for me to reach out, but it just still makes me sad. It makes me feel like we're breaking up all over again, except that he's happy with a new girlfriend. So really, it's just my break up.

I kind of wish he fought for me. I shouldn't have romanticized the extent of how much he cares for me, because the way I imagined it, things would go the way I wanted it to. But it didn't. I just feel awful all around.

I'm really hoping this break was a good call and won't blow up in my face.

I GOT THE JOB.

@ the god of mischief.
C O N G R A T S!!!! <3
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so many of the people responding to the mm rape allegations are fucking garbage. you DO pick sides, douche bag.

Bye bye sleeping schedule. I thought we had an understanding, I guess not. LOL.

When you want to go out for dinner because you guys have been in the hotel room all day because you guys had to back out of the only thing you had planned for the day (and was supposed to be one of the trip highlights) because your bf was still sore from all the walking we've been doing, but your bf is still asleep (and has been for most of the day) and you know he'd be sad/upset if you go without him, so you tell your stomach to shut up while you look for places to hopefully eat at tomorrow instead.

I'm starting to be over this trip and it makes me sadder than ever. I'm sorry Kyoto, I meant to enjoy you so much more. I hope the ryokan tomorrow will help my mood. I'm still stressed about the bus ride there but at least I don't have to worry about dinner and breakfast once we're there.

For every piece of good news, there's several pieces of bad news. I'm tired of feeling happy and being slapped down. How am I supposed to stay positive and stable when it's just an onslaught of shit? I'm so tired.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm worried. I guess I'm a mother hen that way, but I will always worry for your well being.

I hope you're okay.

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I think I go through this every year. I try to convince myself I love the holidays and sometimes, I think I really do. But for the most part, it's a very lonely and trying time, especially with everyone, everyone flipping out. Fuck lonely, I should just go be a hermit and be done with it.

$114 to look at my car and see what's wrong with it? REALLY.

I'm fucking done.

I am literally so broken after reading that, all I've done is cry for the last 45 minutes. I don't ever want to think that you feel the way I have. I don't want you to know or feel that sort of pain. You deserve so much more than that.

I want you to know you're loved and cared for. You mean so much to me.

You have no fucking idea what I'm aware of, but you'll learn in all due time.

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I keep thinking the realization of what you lost is going to hit you, but you actually seem pretty content to live in denial and I can't fathom that. I really can't. The littlest of things make me disconnect and accept something that may or may not even be coming, but for you to cling to everything two months later is actually kinda astounding. It makes me glad that I don't even know how to try and do that because I think you're miserable. I mean, I know I am but it's not because I'm in denial. It's more so because I accepted it and I'm still mourning. But you're still being... well, you. I really need to stop checking on you and your Facebook tbh.

I want to leave, but then again I don’t want to leave. Mibba is a big part of my life, I haven’t done much, but it’s still a place I come back to everyday. It’s always been hard for me to make up my mind about something... always the indecisive one.

driving in snow gives me such bad anxiety.

super irritated today.

I’ve been sick for a week. What the actual hell?

I can find it hard to accept that I've outgrown a person/a group of people without feeling like I've personally failed rather than accepting it for what it is. I want to surround myself with stimulating, substantial, non-patronizing, complex people. It's hard to do @ a state school. :|

My coworker likes doing this New York accent and sometimes it does things to me .____.

edited. don't be bitter @me. it's not about him, it's not even about me. look forward.

dont play the guilt card with me. YOU got yourself into this mess. you knew the risk you were taking putting your plates on your boyfriend's car. you knew it was illegal. I mean obviously he was going to get caught sooner or later. maybe getting fined will do you some good. I refuse to get myself into the mess you made.