Confess on My Wayward Son

It's officially a love/hate relationship for the midnight shift.

Part of me regrets sending that email. It's almost like an invitation back into my life, but I'm certain it won't lead to anything. I just want my music back dude. I was thinking about restarting a friendship with you and I just got so tired of it. That's good news for me as far as me handling it, but now I've also opened myself back up to ~anticipated waiting~ for you to send me that video, and let's be honest, it's probably not going to happen. You're going to forget and I know it. Now I just have to wait for long enough to take back my request and continue not talking to you ever again.

It's gotten easier to stop myself from looking you or her up. I've finally become tired of checking up on you and it's refreshing.

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I'm so uncomfortable around the new IT guy. He's socially awkward from his interactions with people (and I understand because I and the bf are awkward too), but the kicker is that when he doesn't have anything to do (which is often), he'll just turn away from his computer and...stare at people. I can see it in the corner of my eye when he's just staring at me and I hate it. I've retaliated once by staring back at him while coming out of a room and catching him staring, but ugh it's just annoying and unsettling. I worry I'm being too cold because he's also new. But also I don't care. I want our old IT guy back, ugh.

nvm

You say you'll do so many things to punish him but you never do unless you get angry enough, which is as rare as you actually not drinking. So it's laughable that you say you'll punish him.

You know, it's pretty bad when other people's happiness seems fake and like they're shoving it in your face. I mean, they can't be that petty. But I can't make it hurt any less no matter how hard I try to rationalize it. Wish I could simply vanish,.

I'm ready to give up.

I never thought that I'd get so much life satisfaction out of a job. I caught someone yesterday, I did my first ever blood draw (like ever-- I haven't even had the opportunity as a student yet), and I got told that I was going places because I have, "Attitude in spades".

(Just sending a huge hug to everyone on this thread that needs one.)

Honestly, I’m so content right now. I’m buzzing with ideas and I can’t wait to execute every last one of them. This is the first time in months that I’ve felt like me. Like EFFY. Let 2018 roll.

If you're into Adam Driver as Kylo Ren never watch Girls because it completely ruins Kylo (but Adam is just waaayyy to perfect in it).

Honestly, I hate this. Hate it. Everything about this feeling, or lack thereof. It's screwing with everything I touch and everything I do and I just want to shake it but here I am.

I need to clean. But I'm too fucking lazy right now. Ugh and I have to sew my jacket.

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There's theory that episodes VII through IX are actually episodes I through III in reverse and I mean, it's poetic, but I'd be so underwhelmed. The story can have so much more to it than just the Skywalkers in forward and then in reverse.

It was difficult, I guess. I was sad sometimes. I'd look here or there and it would hit me that you weren't there.

I often rehearse for a day I'm sure will never come. Maybe it feels better to say these things even if you aren't actually hearing it. I don't know. I've speculated from time to time what you would think if I had the balls to say something. But no, I don't even have the balls to text you 99% of the time (never mind anything else) because I'm worried that I'm being a pain, or that I'm boring you and you have better things to do than reply to me.

While I know that's not true, it just feels that way sometimes. The damage they did to me ... will I ever heal?

Do I cross your mind? Do you ever wonder? Midnight thoughts at 3 pm ...

ugh edited.

and to think that I used to watch that guy stream -_- and was even following him wtf

I can't get enough of Migos, y'all don't understand.

Nothing in my life ever stays peachy. Beginning to feel like I'm just cursed.

Today marks one year since that, the first time around. And honestly, that day last year sucked. It was quite literally the worst day of my entire life. And you appeared back in my life like you somehow fucking knew and though we're back to not speaking, I just can't help but feel like the universe and Allah is just playing a big huge joke on me.

I still don't understand the events of Sunday but whatever, I'm over this whole thing. But if I find out you've been talking to her about it then I'm out.

@ nearly witches.
()

Just ordered some of Jeffree Star’s Blood Sugar collection, save for the eye shadow palette. Excited to experiment!

I brought back a story from the dead, and I'm so happy.

I'm so f-----g done.