Confess on My Wayward Son

I hate when I hit a rut. I also really fucking hate that I've been out of practice for two fucking years and cannot code PHP layouts anymore.

It really is true, when they say if you don't use it, you'll lose it. I can't remember half of this shit and I fucking hate it.

Me and all the people I know must have been horrible people in a past life if this is what the universe thinks we deserve.

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I don't feel safe in this town anymore.

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Shit just went sideways in the most colossal way.

I'm fine, really. I enjoy staying positive, being empathetic, making sure you eat and sleep, only for you to not care when I fall into that place.

Don't get me wrong, I don't do this to get something in return. It's part of who I am.

I'm just saying having that support would help me not slip into that dark place constantly when I'm not striving to help others.

After a rollercoaster of a week; things are finally settling down. Maybe carrying on with this counselling will be the best thing I do, or the worst. Time will tell. At least I’ve got the best support. Come what may, I’m ready! Need to start writing as an outlet again!!

I'm slowly getting back onto this. I am so happy y'all have no idea.

i really don't know anymore. for awhile there, i thought i did. for awhile there, i thought i understood, but i guess i don't? i mean, are you speaking in tongues? are you speaking between the lines? are you hiding between the lines? i'm so tired of playing the guessing game and i don't think i even want to know anymore.

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i've been on vacation the last three days and the only thing that's really been going through my mind is that i can finally take some time to plan out my suicide. and i honestly can't think of a single reason to stick around anymore.

They say there is always light at the end of the tunnel, where’s my light? I need it now :(

I'm in love with you and sometimes I think that's the worst fucking part. I want to be different. to be someone you deserve rather than fluctuate in this painful feeling that you're going to get tired of my shit when it happens again and leave me. everyone else did. my best friend for 7 years did without even looking back, just upped and left overnight pretty much. how am I supposed to live like this and think that I deserve it? how are you so okay?

It's okay to be Pro-life. It's not okay to be a dick about it. The sooner people take this view with beliefs, the better.

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How much skin off your nose is it not to put spoilers in the fucking thumb nail. Generic image from the trailer.jpeg will suffice. It is skin off the noses of those that haven't had access to that media yet. The Brooklyn 99 finale just aired. Deadpool 2 came out this week. Fuck you for not having any consideration for the people that didn't get to experience them how you did, because you took that away from them. This is why spoilers piss me off, you are taking away from someone else's experience and lessening it for them because you didn't have the patience to hold your tongue for a couple of weeks.

hi I wizch I could sleep instead of obsessing about death until 3-4am every night.

Had my first real fuck up today at work and I feel like a total asshat.

i'm a year and a half on testosterone. i don't look like i am but i am. holy shit. i can't believe it.
i love being a boy i love when others see me as a boy i love it i love it i love it.

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i never thought i would get here but i am and it's absolutely fucking amazing.

Oh dear.

In my own mind I bonded with our artist way too fucking much in a terribly awkward way because I'm such a fucking miscreant. It's totally not reciprocated. I didn't think that I could take tattooing as such an intimate act.

I am trying to be patient but lordt. I NEED this!

I want to stop ruminating constantly about performance-based and social activities, but I can't. I worry about things in a nonstop loop and I don't know how to intervene. My mind keeps trying to loop back and fix wherever it went "wrong" but that's IMPOSSIBLE and makes me suffer.

I haven't been on here in forever, I missed it.
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Reunited with him after so long, the butterflies I once had came back big time...

I'm ready to elevate my human experience.
for days all I've wanted to do is smoke a little pot and listen to a lot of music but hahaha how about no.

So many horrible anniversaries for horrible things in such a small space of time, all because some people are garbage. We all have a right to our choices, and as long as we're not hurting anyone we should be allowed to live out those choices within reason. I'm sick of people trying to tell other people how they should be like that's somehow okay. Love who you love, be who you are, enjoy what you enjoy. We're all different and for crying out loud, that's a good thing. I wish as a species we'd stop trying to stamp out these differences, often by nasty means. Just stop hurting each other and start building each other up.

killing off the space that certain assholes take up in my mind is the best feeling. :v