Confess on My Wayward Son

Everything is looking up again. Thank, God. I feel so much relief now.

I've been cheating on my husband most of my marriage with my best friend because I've been in love with him for a decade..

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I hate how you invalidate my feelings. I hate that I have to accept and be around you just because I don’t have any other options. I hate that all my life, you’ve shown me so little respect or care. That you have such little opinion/respect for me that you feel like you can treat me however and boss me around. I hate that I have nowhere else to go. I hate that i have to be around him just because she wants to stay. I hate that I feel like I have no control over my life. I hate that I feel so weak. I still hate how she talks to me. Talking to her makes my skin scrawl, because she hasn’t changed. And somehow I’ve let it become acceptable for her to treat me like that. I hate that I feel like I’m losing it. I hate that I feel unstable and vulnerable in every aspect of my life. Here at home, here out in the world, and inside of myself.

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@ OceansBlue
Drop that shit like it's hot, boo. She'll work on commission getting people into these jobs, she's probably been hired to rope people like you into rubbish jobs no one wants. Go it alone - at least you'll know you want the positions you're applying for

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The Brexit Secretary admitted he pretty much has zero clue what the EU does for us. He didn't realise how much we rely on the Calais-Dover trade channel. The Brexit Secretary. Are you kidding me with this shit? I knew it. I've been saying for two and a half years that no one entirely knew what they were voting for, and it turns out that applies to the goddamn politicians dragging us through this shit show. Food is going to be less diverse and more expensive for the privilege, we get to trade with the US meaning food and animal standards will plummet, all our rights will be in the hands of the government so good luck keeping up on what those are when they change every 5 goddamn years, and there'll be no jobs because it'll be cheaper for business overseas and Britain forgot how to be a manufacturing hub when the North stopped mattering. No one ever said the EU was perfect, not by any stretch. But that does not undermine the unity and peace we've enjoyed and all the betterment we've seen in our rights, freedoms and standards.

But "wah we keep getting told what to do wah sovereignty wah foreigners wah terk er jerbs wah". Sod this backwards ass, violent, selfish country that clearly can't be arsed with being taken seriously as a wealthy world power anymore. This is one hell of a paddy we're throwing and we don't seem to realise everyone has just left us in the supermarket to kick away cos they're embarrassed, for us and by us.

I....bought a car.

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Trump is super ignorant. cannot stand him.

Hurricane Bianca and HB: From Russia With Hate, absolutely freaking loved them. Goddamn you Roy Haylock, you magnificent Queen. So many cameos and my baby girl was a main character! I want to be friends with all these fierce bitches.

Dating in your 20s is the most useless, disappointing thing ever. All I want is a half-decent guy who doesn't treat me like shit so I can start my family. But I guess that's too much to ask.

I'm checking out again. If I make it through the rest of this semester...well, I don't even know how. Because the bs is getting to me. All I want to do is get some money to get the heck up out of here. I can't even stand hearing him breath. It's getting that bad. And she's so fake...ugh. I trust no one. I'm so scared, not excited, about my future. I'm afraid that it is just going to get worse...not better. That's why. Sometimes I think I'll never have a good life or happiness or stability, because look at my flipping family.

Yeah, that's nothing to worry about... Right?

@ VixL
I'm always here if you ever need to talk.

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Discovered the cheat code for feeling generally better! Fucking hang out with my friends like a normal person instead of isolating myself with my self-loathing. These past few days, plus hanging out with Kelly a few weeks ago, helped my mood exponentially. I still get the lows, but they haven't been as bad.

Wanting to feel wanted isn't something to be ashamed of, self. You really just need to reach out to people, because they actually do care.

@ the god of mischief.
WHY ARE YOU THE HOTTEST PERSON I KNOW IN EVERY WAY
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I'm still shook from that fall out boy concert.
I will never be third row in a fall out boy concert again in my life.
I honestly can die now, it's okay. We've peaked.

@ OceansBlue
It's a Chevy Cruze LTZ SR! I'm in love with her. Smaller than I initially wanted but she packs a punch. Thank you!!

@ the god of thunder.

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I just want my chin to stop freaking the hell out and trying to bubble off of my face.

Ugh. Brexit.

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Goddamnit no I will not waste another day feeling sorry for myself, fuck this, get up and go do something, anything. Boy will be home in just a few hours so you won't be alone for long. Cuddle the kitty, do your chores and try and do something productive for yourself.

Who am I kidding. I'll probably watch reruns yet again.

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Screw this noise. I am not a failure. I suffered severe depression and anxiety and problem after problem and still managed to get the 2:1 I've been dreaming of since I knew what degree standards were. I am a goddess, I'm a motherfucking warrior princess, I am a CHAMPION. I have to keep remember how strong I really am. I can do this, I've been doing it for a decade and I'm not stopping now. It might keep knocking me down but damnit I'll just keep getting back up.

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