Confess on My Wayward Son

I honestly don't know what to say. I'm floored, I'm flattered. I'm in disbelief.

It's like a dream come true. But I guess I shouldn't count the chickens before they hatch.

Still, it is nice to know, to be reminded that ... positive things happen. Life can be pretty cool sometimes. Even if things don't pan out, nothing can take away the moments of happiness, you know? Those are mine forever.

I'm pretty sure I'm being super judged bc of the sudden re-obsession I have with Backstreet Boys.
idgaf
I will defend them to the end of time and I will never stop loving them.

LMFAOOO. You know you suffer from ptsd when eddie gluskin makes ya hot.

I seriously wonder sometimes what it's like to look in the mirror and not be disgusted by what you see. Like, I literally hate everything about myself and the way I look, I'm just so unattractive.

---

Bought myself an actual bikini bottom for the first time ever but I don't know if I want to wear it because I hate the way my thighs look and I hardly ever swim without a T-shirt anyway because I'm so self-conscious about my stomach and showing skin. And my scars. Nobody I know IRL knows about my scars and I'd really prefer to keep them a secret forever.

---

I really think I need to get back on my antidepressants but since I'm not in school anymore I can't afford to go to the doctor so instead I'll just wallow in my self-hatred and pray that things at least don't get worse.

---

I really feel like no one would notice if I just went away, I feel so invisible.

---

Also didn't realize I had this much bullshit on my mind, but whatever

110% cannot handle life like f*cking kill me honestly. the move, needing a job, needing to get out of state, having to put an animal down, maybe having to get rid of my pets, having to get rid of ALL my fucking furniture, losing my good doctor right after f*cking getting one is just making me lose my damn mind. pass me the prozac because i literally cannot stop crying.

I was completely overreacting, of course. My god though, he's seriously the sweetest person ever, I'm at such a loss of what to say or do when he says things. I really hope this works out some time in the future.

Y'know what, that was the most relieving conversation actually. A great pressure has been lifted and now that I'm thinking about the past six years, I'm just wondering where the hell were you when Jesse-Jan was throwing plates out my window? Where were you when I endangered Connor on the motorbike? Where were you when I got thrown out of that pub in Belfast? 'Cause my friends were there for that shit. My friends were there for my graduations and my internship and my father being in hospital. We were not at all what we thought we were. We were never there for anything for each other.

I hope she buys me a pc game controller because it's fucking ridiculous how this game is said to be played with a controller or a keyboard but it doesn't respond to the keyboard. I mean damn it, konami, if you're gonna release a game for the pc, then make sure the game is either compatible with a controller, or keyboard or both! D:

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

---

I've just been paid and, yet again, I'm poor as fuck. I hate this being an adult business, where is my blanket fort and colouring books

@ heretic.
yo I feel you on this! I just got paid and it's all going towards credit card bills, lmao!

@ Phoebe Buffay
It's so frustrating. There's so many things I want to buy!

No matter what happens, I will try to smile. For you.

Thank you for happening to me when I least expected it. All of you, for that matter. It's nice to feel ... accepted. Thank you.

I don't like the feeling alcohol gives me. Restlessness and wanting to be annoying af.
Cheap beer is cheap, and beer snob is snob.

@ LovesNocturne
Alcohol makes me pass out cold lmao.

I keep reading these quotes about love and soulmates and relationships and all I keep thinking of is you even though I'm trying so hard not to. You're too amazing and I'm too scared and you're too sweet and I'm too far away.

I'm just ready for the day that I'm done with college. I love everyone and I love my classes but the stress can go away now please.

I've got 3 things I'm going to try and get done this week that are the main root of my stress:

- Schedule for classes for next semester. It's super late but as a nursing student I haven't been able to YET (in fact, none of us have been able to) because they need to update their system with us: we aren't in it.done

- Return that goddamn library book that I've wussed out on for 6 months because I accidentally wrote the date in (it's owed with a now $10 late fee).

- Get ahold of student accounts and ask if the $900 "They owe me" according to the one account of things is real and if it is whether or not it will roll over into my next year's dues if I leave it alone.

I'm very stressed

Totally fibbed about not being able to cover a shift in work so I could stay in bed all day.

-

There are only 10 days until my hand in and I am freaking out internally because I hate my group and I don't think they like me very much thank g there's only 21 days until I go home.
—
I'm not the biggest fan of night time because my thoughts all go to shit. (Also LOL I just heard someone outside my window say "oh shit". Me too, buddy, me too.)