On My Watch Tonight

Juliette felt this stinging of tears in her eyes for what seemed to be the hundredth time that hour alone. She wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her cheek on top of his head. Everything was so surreal to her in that moment. She could remember sixth months ago lying in bed, listening to her son wail his head off. She was crying right along with him, hoping and praying to whomever it was that would listen. She just wanted her husband home. Wanted her rock to be back at her side. Wanted everything normal again. But she knew it wouldn’t.

In time she had gotten used to the empty pit in her stomach, something that even John couldn’t fill. Without Alex around, there had always been a void missing. Sure, John was a helping hand, a friendly ear to listen, and her shoulder to cry on when his sister—her best friend—wasn’t around… But John wasn’t Alex, and he never would be.

Yet here she was, cradling the wounded man in front of her. His touch felt the same. That was something that she was more than grateful for. She breathed in the familiar scent of the man sitting in front of her. The soft scuffling noises of her toddler playing across the tile. The air was still. And she was grateful.

“I’m so fucking glad you’re home,” She breathed into his hair, a small hiccup catching itself in her throat. “I’ve been so miserable without you… I was starting to get so scared that you not being around was going to be a normal thing.”

Her mind felt static at that thought. Thinking about not having him around for her future made her sick. Thinking about not having him around to watch his son grow up made her sick. But it was all calm now. He was home and that was all that mattered. She knew there were things that were going to need to be worked out, and things that needed explaining… But that would all come in due time. For now, she was enjoying his presence. “I love you,” she whispered before leaning down to kiss him once more.

Alex hesitated for just a moment as Juliette began to speak, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. Was this right? Wrong? Hell, he didn't know any longer because so much had happened. Everything he had been through wouldn't go away in the span of just a day of being with her again but it took the sting off of the pain. A single deep breath before he slipped his arms around her waist, pushing her shirt up just enough so that he could he feel her skin beneath his hands. That she was real and this wasn't all some sort of sick, twisted joke that they were playing on him.

"I'm a stubborn bastard. Isn't that one of the reasons why you married me?" Alex quipped quietly, raising his eyes to meet hers. He flashed a grin, his fingers massaging small circles into her skin. "I love you, too, angel."

"I was gone for so long... and I swear, I'm not going anywhere again. Ever. I'm here and I'm going to help raise our son and he's going to be the best man he could ever be. We're going to be so proud, watching him grow up," Alex said, unsure of where he was really going with what he was saying. The only thing that mattered was how true his words felt.

Alex squirmed back just enough that he could pull Juliette down to his lap where he held her firmly in place. "I'm here for as much as you want," he murmured quietly, dropping his gaze back down to her body. They didn't linger on her chest before settling on her stomach. "I'll do anything I possibly can for you, if it's within my power. Your wish is officially my command, angel."

Electricity was the only sensation Juliette could think of when his fingers made contact with her bare skin. Her breathing hitched silently as she remained steady and continued to listen to him speak. She wondered when her head would stop spinning. She took a deep breath in as he pulled her into his lap, her head immediately finding the oh-so-familiar nook it laid in by his neck. She closed her eyes, feeling the vibrations of his voice flow out of his chest as he continued to speak.

“Stubborn is one way to put it,” she murmured quietly. “I don’t think you would have ever stopped pursuing it until I finally went on that first date with you.”

She placed her hand on his chest, letting her eyes close. Juliette was absolutely sure that she could stay there forever. “As long as you promise not to go anywhere again, I think will be just fine.” She glanced over to their son, “I am so glad you are going to be around for him, Alex. He is so much like you in so many ways, I can’t wait for you to see it.”

She grasped the fabric of his shirts, feeling it between her fingers. Her mind floated to all of his clothes that was still in their closet. She knew she kept everything for a reason. When everyone told her that it was time to accept it and move on, she refused. There was no way in hell she was getting rid of her husband’s belongings. Just in case… in case this happened.

She regretfully pulled herself from her husband’s grasp, smiling as she stood up straight. “How about I get dinner started?”

"I swear on my life, on ours, on Alexander's that I'm not going anywhere ever again. Not so far that I won't be just a phone call away," Alex began, running his hands up and down her thighs. He wanted nothing more than to carry her upstairs and explore every inch of her skin - in nothing more than a desire to feel her. To know she was there and he wasn't just under some sort of deluded dream.

When Juliette moved off of his lap, Alex took a moment to readjust how he was sitting before he returned his eyes to her. He offered a small smile and nodded, "That sounds divine. The cardboard food I've been eating for... well, for too damned long does not compare to what you can make," he commented with a small grin. "You should have seen me, I was as skinny as a damned twig. Haven't been that small since middle school." It wasn't a thing to laugh about but he had learned to and he hoped it wouldn't make Juliette feel uncomfortable by any means.

Watching as she began to cook, Alex turned away from her to focus his attention on their son. He smiled as he bent forward, gritting his teeth against the pain that radiated through his lower back and hips. He reached with a hand and began to play with the little boy.

"If you need help, let me know," he called over his shoulder, moving to push himself off of the chair so that he could lower himself to the floor.

As Juliette moved around the kitchen, the familiar yet estranged feeling of comfort began to wash over her. She was finally back into her element. She took a deep breath in and exhaled it slowly. While she cooked, she allowed her thought to drift. How was she going to introduce her husband to the man who had been there for her for the past two years? Regardless if it wasn’t a romantic relationship, she still knew her husband. She knew that as soon has he found out there was an emotional connection he would feel like a failure. Part of her wanted to hide it from him. But the overwhelming amount of guilt she would feel wasn’t worth it.

She hadn’t done anything wrong, yet she still felt like she had failed her husband. She let her eyes wander to where the pair of boys sat playing on the kitchen floor. An immediate grin split across her face. There wasn’t anything more in this world she wanted than to witness the scene that had begun to unfold in front of her.

She turned her attention back to finishing dinner. Once she had finished dinner for her and Alex, she began to get baby Alexander’s dinner ready too. The toddler wasn’t quite ready for eating such solid foods, but he was getting there. She walked over to the pair of them, and bent down to scoop the child into her arms. She placed him into his high chair, making sure he was secured in. She went back to the island and made her husband a plate, setting it at his place on the table. She helped him back up off the floor and into his seat. “Here, you eat. I need to feed him real fast and then I will join you.”

Alex pouted as he looked up from his position on the floor, watching as Alexander was lifted from beside him. He nodded, reaching a hand to the chair he'd previously been sitting on and used that mostly to push to his feet. He groaned as he lowered himself back into it, thanking Juliette for the help that she offered. He glanced over to where their son sat in the highchair. "Can I feed him? I just... I've missed out on so much already and.." he trailed off, giving a small shrug of his shoulders. He felt lost when it came to expressing why he wanted to do anything, his wants and even his needs had been largely ignored. It was ingrained into him, even with the help he had received over the past few months.

As Juliette dragged the high chair over to the table, Alex braced himself and closed his eyes. The rattling of the high chair across the floor sent his heart pounding and God, he wanted nothing more than to shrink beneath the table and cover his ears. But he had to stay strong, appear to be in front of her. That was his place, to be her rock and to be able to provide for her. Crumbling at the sound of a highchair dragging across the kitchen floor was ridiculous. Right?

Alex opened his eyes and offered a bit of a forced smile when the noise finally stopped. "Thank you," he spoke, his voice hoarse as he reached to begin feeding Alexander. He could focus his attention on the task in front of him and that was enough to slowly reel his emotions back to a more reasonable level.

Juliette ate silently, though, with a smile on her face as she watched her husband and her son interact. It was so unusual to see, but all too familiar at the same time. Alex seemed to be a natural care giver, even though he was just thrust into fatherhood. However, he had always been that way towards Juliette. Anything she needed, mentally, physically, or emotionally, he was right there by her side. She was more that excited to see how that would start to happen with her son. She had always wanted to have children with Alex, so now that he was finally back here with her, she felt at peace.

She laughed, watching as the toddler pulled his head back, beginning to become a fussy eater. The little boy was just as, if not more, stubborn than his father. He liked things to be a certain way, in a certain order. She knew Alex would figure out his son’s tendencies sooner than later, so she held off on intervening.

Just like Juliette knew, Alex finally got the hang of what his son was wanting to him to do. Juliette grinned, taking a sip of her tea. “You’re a natural baby. Just wait until diaper changes.”

Alex gave a small huff when Alexander began to struggle and he wondered if there was something he should do differently and so he tried a few ways to feed him, finally succeeding with one. He breathed a sigh of relief and leaned forward to brace himself against the edge of the high chair as he fed his son slowly, focusing on keeping his hands steady so that he wouldn't do something ridiculous like spilling the food everywhere.

It seemed the moment that he got the hang of things though, Juliette was speaking and he looked to her with a rather horrified expression. "Do I have to? I mean... oh god," he grumbled, shuddering at the thought as he shook his head. He was mostly teasing because of course he would do anything asked of him in regards to Alexander but the thought of changing diapers caused his face to scrunch in disgust.

Alex looked to be thinking and he hesitated, tugging on his bottom lip before he finally looked up to her. "I have to go visits my parents... would you come with me?" He seemed almost lost as he spoke, squirming in his seat as he looked down to his plate of food. "Do they know about our son?"

Juliette laughed, “Yes, of course you have to change diapers. I mean, I normally do it anyway so it probably won’t be a regular occurrence… But every once and a while I might make you do it. He’ll be two at the beginning of the New Year, so yay potty training a while after that.”

Watching her son get older was almost as hard as it was not having her husband around. When Alexander was an infant, he depended on Juliette for everything. Now, he had begun to start wanting to do things on his own. She hadn’t let him do much on his own, but it was those first steps of letting how. Allowing him to walk on his own, play on his own, sometimes he even held his own spoon… She sighed, but perked back up at the mention of her in laws.

Juliette gave Alex a knowing smile. Of course his parents knew about their baby. She still visited them on a regular basis. Hell, she even still did all the major holiday’s with his parents. Just because he had been gone didn’t mean she was going to cut all ties with everyone who had ever been there for her—even though she felt like she needed to some times. She nodded her head, “Yeah, where do you think most of Alex’s stuff came from?” She laughed as the memory of the previous Christmas. She took another bite of her food, nodding her head. “I’ve been meaning to stop by over there anyway, I still have some of your moms corning ware.”

Alex's face lit up at the knowledge that his parents knew of their grandson - he wasn't the least bit surprised but he had wondered briefly if Juliette just wouldn't have told them. It was certainly a sore subject and with his parents in the picture, he was sure it made things even more difficult for her. "Can't say I'm surprised. They spoiled me as a child so... it makes sense," he whispered, a smile breaking out onto his features. Just picturing the joy that was sure to be felt, Alex wanted to stand and rush out of the house right then and there.

Once baby Alex was finished eating, Alex turned toward the plate in front of him and all but devoured his food. Sure, he would have liked to take it slow and savour his food but it had been so long since he last had a good meal, one cooked by his wife, that there was no way he was going to.

"Can we go tonight?" Alex knew it was probably foolish to ask such a question because he was sure Juliette would offer but now, he was getting all sorts of nervous and excited all over again. He sat up a bit straighter before looking up to her. "I can get picked up from there... or stay there or whatever ends up happening," he commented quietly with a nod of his head. "And I'll come back in the morning, if that's okay with you."

Juliette wanted nothing more than to have her husband in her bed with her that night, but part of her wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. She sat looking at him for a long time, soaking in his features silently. In the back of her mind, the faint memory of the way they used to sleep at night haunted her. She pushed the thoughts aside before getting up and grabbing her plate and cleaning off Alex’s high chair. As she carried the dishes to the sink, her eyes flicked up towards the clock. It was nearing six-thirty, but she knew that Alex needed to see her parents. She could deal with a fussy toddler if it meant her husband could have a bit of happiness if need be. Plus, her in-laws did have the spare bedroom that the baby could lay down in if need be.

“Of course we can, honey.” She smiled as she began to rinse off a few of the dishes before tossing them into the dish washer. “Let me just get Alex changed and then we can go. Did you need anything? Did you want to change or shower or whatever? All your stuff is still in the closet.” She didn’t know why, but her cheeks immediately flushed at the thought of her husband in the shower. As many times as they had been intimate, she had just now began feeling like a high school girl with a crush.

“Do you want me to give your parents a call... Or did you want to surprise them?” She inquired.

Alex couldn't help the quiet laugh that escaped his lips when Juliette mentioned all of his things were still upstairs. He had married one helluva woman -- for that he would always be grateful for. There was no changing that and he wanted nothing more than to pull her close and keep her safe from the world because he could only imagine the hell that she had been through over the past few years. Different from his own but it was certainly a hell. There was no getting around that fact.

"I showered this morning. Needed to be as presentable as I could be," Alex answered with a shy grin. He leaned back in his chair, clearing his throat at the next question that sounded from her lips. "I... uh, I want to surprise them, I think. I mean, I know they might not be home or whatever but I want to see the look on their faces if they are. If that's alright?"

After Juliette finished cleaning up the kitchen, Alex reached for his crutches and pressed his arms through the holes. He moved to his feet and followed her out to the vehicle, pausing long enough to argue with her whether he could carry the toddler's bag but relented when Juliette simply turned and left the house with Alexander on her hip.

Alex climbed into the suv and settled himself inside, relaxing into the seat just as Juliette climbed in. He was quiet as she backed out of the driveway, only to reach over for her hand. "I missed you so much, angel. Where I'd be without you, I have no clue."

“What you forget, Alex,” She laughed as she began putting Alexander in the car, “Is I always get my way.”

And the truth was, she did. Alex and her would bicker about the smallest things, playfully most of the time, but in the end he always let her do what she wanted to do. Most of the times the things she wanted were silly anyways. Just like now.

She slid into the vehicle and buckled up before beginning to make her way out of the drive way. She grinned when his hand found hers. She laced her fingers with his, relishing the feeling of his skin on hers. Juliette bit her lip as she listened to him carry on the way he did. Heat rose to her cheeks once more and then began to mumble, “I told you I would wait. I vowed it, remember? I told you I would be here through any situation that life threw at us.”

Juliette’s heart began to race as she pulled into her in laws driveway. Their vehicle was parked in the driveway and she smiled. She was so excited she couldn’t even speak as her slightly trembling hand began to pull the keys out of the ignition. She got out of the car and went around to the other side to grab baby Alex out. After she had gotten him out, she helped her husband get out. She grinned at him, “Ready?”

The closer they drew to his parents, the more nervous that Alex grew. His stomach flip flopped when they finally pulled up to the house and he stared up to him in awe. This wasn't like it was earlier when he was finally getting to see Juliette. No, here, he was afraid that his parents would be asleep or they wouldn't hear the door or something outrageously simple like that. It would be simply to just burst through the door and announce his arrival but he didn't want to do it that way. He wanted them to think it was something mundane like someone trying to sell cookies door to door and...

Pushing away the thoughts that were racing through his mind, Alex flashed Juliette a nervous smile. "As ready as I'll ever be, I suppose." It was the only answer that he could offer because he wasn't so sure there was anything else that he would be able to say. His parents were so close... his mom would be hysterical, there was no guessing that. And his father would likely be as well. It wasn't very often that you got a second chance with your children who were presumed dead.

Alex stepped up to the door and suddenly the nerves were gone and the excitement bubbled over. He rapped on the door a few times before he stepped backward, looking down to his feet. God, he couldn't wait for that door to open.

When Alex’s mother opened the door, she had stood herself in front of her husband. Even though it was almost useless, since the man was taller than her, she still offered the barrier. “Hey Ma,” Juliette smiled as she stepped towards the side so her mother in law could see her son. The scene that unfolded in front of her made her grip her son tight and kiss his head over and over again.

Alex’s mother lurched forward at first, but immediately stopped once she saw the state that her son was in. Her hands flew to her mouth, silent tears flowing from her eyes. She dropped to the ground in front of her son, her hands reaching out to lightly grasp his shins. Footsteps could be heard coming down the small hallway to the open front door, the deep voice of her father-in-law bellowing out, “Honey, what is…. It—“ The words stopped coming as he stumbled upon the scene.

“Son….” He breathed. “Alex—we, I, we though….”

Juliette bit down on her lip in an effort to keep herself from sobbing out loud. Yes it had been hard for her to “lose” her husband… But she couldn’t imagine losing her child. And her in laws had…. Or at least they had all though it had happened.

Alex had been prepared for his mother to latch on to him so he had tensed, anticipating her weight but he was more than thankful when she didn't. He choked back a sob, offering the brightest smile that he could as he looked to her. The moment that she sank to the ground, it was all over for him. Jerking his arms out of the crutches, Alex sank to the ground and reached to pull his mother into his arms.

He began to rock them slowly, his hand slowly patting her head. "I'm home, Ma. I'm right here," he tried to comfort through his own tears, only to look up when he heard his father's voice. The sight of the man only spurred his tears on faster as he held out an arm so they could be joined.

What caught his attention was the way his father began to openly sob. Alex couldn't remember a day in his life that he'd seen the man cry and yet, his father was crying openly, tears streaming down each of their faces.

It was a few minutes before they had gathered themselves enough to break apart, each of his parents helping him back to his feet. Alex cleared his throat as he looked up to Juliette, still beaming despite the tears. Before he could even speak, his mother was rambling about making the molasses cookies that were his favourite, rushing off to the kitchen.

His father laughed, reaching to wipe away the remaining tears as he led the way inside. "I married a one of a kind woman, son. She's been strong through everything.."

Alex ginned to himself as he took a seat on the couch. "And I could say the same."

Juliette let Alex and his father get settled in the living room before dropping the toddler into his grandfather’s lap. She smiled as she saw Alex visibly relax into the sofa in the living room. She excused herself to sneak off into the kitchen to check on her mother in law. She knew that Alex’s mom had the habit of making herself busy, usually throwing herself into cooking or baking, especially when she became overwhelmed. She knew that is exactly the case at the moment.

Juliette pushed open the double doors to the kitchen, a sweet scent immediately flowing to her senses. She wrapped on the door frame quietly before entering all the way. Her mother in law turned around, a huge smile still plastered to her face; yet tears still glossed the older woman’s eyes. “Is there anything I can help you with, Mom?” She asked.

Juliette had taken to calling her mom more often, especially after Alex had gone missing. She could see the way it warmed the woman heart, and eventually it just became a habit. After she was lightly scolded with an “absolutely not,” Juliette resigned herself to sitting in one of the dining room table chairs, leaning her head in her hands.

“How long has he been home?” the older woman asked, still moving fluidly throughout the kitchen.

“A couple hours at most,” Juliette mumbled. “He wanted it to be a surprise, for everyone. I damn near dropped Alexander when I opened the door and saw him standing there.”

“I’d imagine so,” her mother in law laughed out, “My knees literally buckled… I just—I just can’t believe it, Julie. I really can’t.”

Juliette sighed, a smile tugging at her lips. “Yeah, I can’t either really,” she paused as she listened to the deep, mumbled voices coming through the next room. “I’m just glad he is home…”

Alex and even his father were quiet once they were left alone with baby Alexander for the better part of a few minutes before Alex pushed his way down the couch, to the other side, so that he could reach across and grip his father's hand. He gave it a squeeze, a shudder running down his spine.

"I'm sorry. So sorry for everything I put you all through an-" Alex was cut off when his father gave him a stern look, holding up a hand to stop his son's words.

"I don't know what you've been through, Alex, but this was not your choice. Your mother and I did not raise you to be anything less than a strong willed man. You are the exact man we could have hoped for. The fact that you're sitting here right now, in front of us, after so long, that is proof of it. Not of anything else, not whatever you think. Your mother, Juli, Alexander, and I are all just happy that you're home, Alex. We aren't upset with you so I don't want to hear another word of it," Jacob began, using that same stern tone that he did when he was scolding Alex as a child. His tone was softer though, it made the tension that still lingered in Alex's shoulders dissipate and he let out a choked sob.

Alex leaned forward, closing his eyes tightly as he willed the tears away. He didn't want to break in front of his father, he wanted to remain strong but he lost the battle the moment his father stood and shuffled over to sit beside him. With baby Alexander on one side and Alex on the other, Jacob relaxed into the couch.

"You're home, you're safe, Alex. That's all that matters now," Jacob whispered, rocking them back and forth as carefully as he could manage. Alex could only offer a nod of his head as he twisted to the side to bury his face into Jacob's shirt, biting into his bottom lip to attempt to quiet the sobs that continued to sound from his chest.

Juliette stayed quite for a few moments, trying to pretend she couldn’t hear what was going on in the other room. The one thing she hated about her in laws house was how thin the walls were. Juliette could remember clear as day, almost ten years ago, being hauled up in Alex’s bedroom trying her damdest to keep quiet. He had snuck her in after they had fallen asleep, and only Lord knows what they got up to that night.

The faint smile on Juliette’s face disappeared as Mary began to speak. “What are you planning on doing, Juli?” she asked as she closed the oven door. “About you know who?”

Juliette’s face paled, the thought of the confrontation coming to the forefront of her mind. The only people who knew about John was her best friend and her mother in law—who also doubled as a best friend. Juliette sunk her face into her hands, using all her willpower not to let out a childish whimper. “I don’t know, Ma.” She mumbled. “I don’t think Alex would take too fondly to me having such a close male friend.”

Juliette dug her fingertips gently into her eyes, prodding at her eyelids and she rubbed. Mary came over and sat across from her, reaching out to pull Juliette’s hands away from her eyes. She spoke softly, “Don’t pull at your eyes like that. You’ll get wrinkles.” She gave her daughter in law a small, kind smile before she spoke again. “Well the conversation has to come up, Juli. Who know, Alex might shake the man’s hand and thank him for being there—“

“Or he could do what Alex would want to do and kick his ass—“ Juliette countered.

Mary shook her head, tutting and the blonde who was sitting in front of her. “Just… Just bring it up when the time is right. But he needs to know. Sooner is better.”

“I know,” Juliette’s voice cracked out. “I know.”

Alex had been in a sort of blur all throughout the past three months, he hadn't really stopped to consider his emotions even throughout the therapy sessions that he was given. Just enough to evaluate who he was, where he stood with things and most importantly - if he would be able to continue within the Corps if they would have him. At the end of the day, when it came right down to it, he'd made his opinion clear. Alex wanted no part in the war - he wanted no part in holding a gun to someone's head because just the idea was enough to send him wanting to run and hide. The idea reminded him of everything he had been through and if it came right down to it, he wasn't even so sure he could.

But there was something about being here, being in his father's arms that made him actually break. For the first time, Alex was feeling as close to the full impact of his ordeal that he ever had. It felt like the entire weight of the world was on his shoulders yet there was no where he could hope to possibly alleviate it. There was only so much he could tell Juli, there was only so much he could talk to a therapist about.

What he couldn't speak about, the scars on his body wouls speak to a very select few. Juli would one day know them, his son would likely know.

It was a good ten minutes before Alex had settled down and he was now quiet, breathing heavily as he leaned against his father. The man who had made him into who he was today. Baby Alex crawled to him and Alex grinned as he scooped his son into his arms. This was everything he had dreamed of and so, so much more.

"S'ok if I stay the night?" Alex asked suddenly, lifting his head long enough to look toward his father, only to shrug sheepishly when James raised an eyebrow.

"Thanks... I'll probably not sleep too late but... yeah. It'll be nice to have a legitimate bed now."