On My Watch Tonight

Juliette helped Mary bring all the baked goods to the living room; this was something the older woman generally didn’t do. She was normally a stickler for eating in the kitchen at the dining room table, but Juliette knew that this circumstance was pretty special. The pair of them cleared off the coffee table and then placed everything out in front of the two men.

Juliette slipped back into the kitchen, grabbing her husband a glass of milk which she knew that he would want. She brought it back out to him, holding it out for him to grab. She scooped her son up out of her father in laws lap and found a spot next to Alex on the sofa. She held the toddler in her lap, her arms wrapped around him. She fiddled with her wedding ring as she listened to Alex and his parents converse. She wanted to badly to lean over and rest against her husband, but she wasn’t sure where physical boundaries lay at that moment.

Juliette settled for leaning back into the couch, relaxing as the conversation flowed around her.

“How are you feeling, Juli?” Her father in law spoke out to her.

How did she feel? Overwhelmed? Scared? Happy? Nervous? All of it. She smiled, letting baby Alexander down to play on the ground around them. “I’m good. Relieved and surprised. But good.” She reached over and gave a small squeeze to her husband’s hand. “I don’t really think words can explain what is going on right now, anyways.”

The first bite of the cookie was almost more heavenly than the first bite of pork chop cooked by his wife earlier in the day. His eyes fluttered shut and he let out a groan, his face morphing into a mask of pure bliss. They were still warm - the best way to eat them. Best way to eat any cookie, for that matter. After washing back the remnants of the cookie with a long swig of milk, Alex lifted his head and offered a wide grin to his mother. "Thank you, Ma."

Alex was on his third cookie before he even started to slow, turning so he could tug at the edge of the blanket that rested on the back of the couch. He held back a huff of frustration when he couldn't quite reach it because no matter what way he turned, he just couldn't quite force himself to turn that far. Jacob leaned forward and pulled the blanket free to offer to his son. "Thank you," he mumbled, refusing to look up as he situated the blanket on his body.

Looking up when he heard Juliette's name, Alex smiled just slightly. He cleared his throat as he pushed himself back into the couch so that he could lift his arm and slip it around her waist to pull her closer. "It feels like a dream," he commented quietly, reaching his free hand to reach across Jacob's lap so that he could take his mother's hand in his, giving it a little squeeze.

"Maybe I'm going to realize I've died and this is heaven.." Alex trailed off, only to realize how dark the comment likely sounded so he tried to cover it up with a bit of a laugh.

Alex wondered briefly if he should address the question he was sure was on everyones' minds. He drew in a deep breath and steeled himself against the emotion that was sure to well inside. "I'm going to be discharged. Er, honourably discharged."

Juliette’s heart wrenched when he tried to make a joke. She understood that he was trying to lighted the mood and that he probably didn’t mean it the way it came out… But everything was still fresh. Up until three hours ago, the United States Marine Corps had concluded that her husband was dead—meaning he wasn’t coming home to her. She hated that that was the topic of conversation.

Juliette gave him a small smile when he turned to look at her. She had no clue what to follow that up with. She almost felt like she was in the presence of a new person. She knew in time it would get easier, but at the moment she felt like she was walking on eggshells with a man she had known for over a decade. Itwould get better. He had only been home a few hours.

She was grateful when Mary spoke up, taking the responsibility of changing the conversation. “Well you both do realize that your anniversary is next week, right?”

Juliette paled. She hadn’t even realized. It was something she tried not to think about. For the past two years that was just a day that she sat at home and balled her eyes out. But, this year would obviously be different. He was home. “It is our anniversary, isn’t it?” She grinned at him. “You told me when we hit five years I would get an upgrade.” She joked as she flashed him her ring.

Alex looked up at the mention of their anniversary, his eyes widening a bit at the mention of the celebration. He hadn't thought about it even once in all of this time. What a joke! How had he messed up on something so important? His shoulders sagged momentarily but his attention was drawn away when thankfully Juliette spoke up.

"I'll be getting a decent payout in the next few days, to cover the pay that I missed while I was away. I'll buy you anything you want," Alex commented quietly, lifting her hand up to press a kiss to her knuckles. He smiled shyly, his eyes flicking over to baby Alexander for a moment before he turned back to Juli. "We'll put the rest of the money toward bills if we need to and if there's anything left, we can put it in a college fund for him."

Letting out a quiet yawn, Alex leaned his head back onto the back of the couch. He was surprisingly exhausted for what little he had actually done today. Everything, as familiar as it was, was enough to overwhelm his senses and now that he was having a moment to truly relax, it was hitting him all at once.

"I don't want today to ever end. It's been everything I dreamed about and so much more."

Juliette smiled as she felt her husbands lips press against her skin. If she could freeze time at the moment, relish that feeling forever, she would. She decided to take a chance and scoot closer to him, looping her arm with his she rested her head on his shoulder. The warmth that was raidating off of him was making her drowsy. She stifled a yawn, not wanting to signal everyone that she was exhausted... Juliette didn't want the day to end either.

"You don't have to buy me anything babe," she spoke quietly as she watched baby Alex climb out of her lap and trot over to his grandfather. She studied her sons features and then looked back up at her husband, a grin making its way in to her face.

"We made a pretty damn cute baby, Alex." She whispered, smiling at him. She sighed, knowing that they would probably have to take off soon. She knew that Alex needed to get some rest, he had to be even more overwhelmed then she was at the moment. As much as she wanted to cling to him, she knew that she needed to let him get rest.

"Hush. I have plenty of occasions to make up for so I don't want to hear another word about it," Alex mimicked the words that his father had used earlier on him. Habits died hard.

At the mention of their son, Alex's attention drew to the little boy and he couldn't have fought the grin that broke onto his lips then. They had talked about having kids, sure, but there was nothing that would have been able to prepare Alex for the reality. Not with everything that had happened over the past few years. "I'm pretty sure that was mostly you, angel. I mean, have you looked at him lately? He looks a lot like you, doesn't he?"

Clearing his throat, Alex forced himself to sit up straight as he glanced from his parents to Juliette and back again. "Can you come over in the morning? I mean, if you don't have plans.." he trailed off, wincing at how awkward he was sure he had to sound at the moment. Flexing his hands, Alex bit back a sigh as he looked back up to her with a hopeful smile.

Juliette grinned and shook her head at him, “No, handsome. He looks just like you. Are you crazy.”

She smiled as she reluctantly unraveled herself from the man, rubbing at her eyes slightly. She knew she needed to get home and get baby Alex to bed. She needed to get herself into bed as well. Juliette wanted so badly for things to go back to normal, she wanted Alexander to get in that vehicle with her and head home… But that would have to wait. He would still be there tomorrow morning. He seemed comfortable with his parents. Everything would be okay.

She leaned in a pressed a kiss to the man’s cheek before she stood up and collected her son. “Of course I’ll be back in the morning. There isn’t anything more important than you and our son right now, Alex.”

Alex had been helped up to his old bedroom that had long since become a spare bedroom for guests. His mother lingered for a bit longer than necessary but after a bit of urging from her son, Mary left the room. He settled into the bed, slowly sinking into the mattress beneath him. It had been so long since he felt like he didn't need to worry even the tiniest bit about what he may wake up to and yet he was still on edge. It took longer than he would have liked to admit before he slipped off to sleep.

He began to toss and turn not very long after, jolting bolt right up when he was pulled from the slumber. Alex's hands rested on either side of him, panting as he looked around wildly. There was no one here that could possibly hurt him yet his heart was pounding in his chest, ready to burst straight out onto the floor. With one hand, he reached to wipe away the thin layer of sweat from his forehead before pushing his way out of the bed.

Slowly, Alex made his way downstairs, gripping the banister as he made his way down them. He let out a sigh as he reached the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. He made his way into the living room where he sank onto the couch, sipping at the glass as he reached for the remote. He didn't want to sleep anymore, despite the fatigue that seemed to lurk in each of his muscles. He settled with a rerun of some tv show that he had never seen, trying to focus his attention on the show to distract himself.

Juliette lay awake in her bed that night. The bed seemed to be increasing in size as the realization that her husband could be sharing it with her sunk in. She rolled over on to her side, squeezing her eyes shut and praying for some sleep. The young woman felt overwhelmed. There were so many questions she needed answers to, and many things that she had yet to share with her husband.

John had texted her a few times that evening, most of which she ignored. Her main focus was Alex. She felt a little guilty for that, she didn’t want John to think that she had only been using him while Alex was gone… She did care for the other man, but he wasn’t her husband.

She tossed and turned a while longer, before she ended up on her back staring at the ceiling fan whirling above her. Juliette wondered what her husband was doing. Was he sleeping peacefully? Was he even asleep? Was he lying awake just as she had been doing? She let a few tears escape from her eyes; her emotions finally getting the best of her. She took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down. She was half tempted to call her in laws home, but she didn’t want to risk waking up the whole lot of them.

It was the middle of the night and chances were that Juliette was sleeping but the night was wearing on and he was feeling no more involved in the show that was on so against his better judgment, Alex set the glass of water on the coffee table and moved to his feet. He shuffled to the side of the room where the phone was and lifted it, hesitating a moment longer as he made his way back to the couch. He sat, staring at the phone for what felt like forever. Should he or shouldn't he? Alex didn't want to wake Juli and likely his son but he felt lost and he certainly wasn't about to head upstairs and admit that to his parents. They already knew more than enough, they didn't need to know the details of what haunted him at night.

Dialing Juli's number, Alex took a deep breath as he pressed the phone to his ear. He leaned back in place, his eyes slipping shut as he said a silent prayer. For what? Hell, he didn't know what he was wanting an longer because truthfully, he didn't want to wake Juli and yet, he needed her and he was sinking deeper into his hole, feeling as if there was no one he could truly ask for help. He'd already put her through so much, she didn't deserve more on top of everything.

Juliette jumped when the land line that sat on her bedside table began to ring. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the room already; she was squinted to try and read the number that was showing on the glowing face of the cordless phone. It felt as though her heart dropped when she realized it was coming from her in laws. She pressed the talk button as quickly as she could, sitting up and bringing the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

Juliette breathed a sigh of relief when she heard her husband’s voice on the other end. She relaxed a bit, leaning herself back against the headboard of the bed. “Hey baby,” she soothed. She could tell he was tense. He sounded anxious—afraid almost. It pained her more than anything to hear such a strong man sound so small. She wasn’t quite sure what to say to him. She immediately wished she would have offered to stay the night with him. Juliette almost felt like she had abandoned him when he needed her the most. How could she do such a selfish thing? All because she wasn’t sure how to act around her husband? She bit her lip, listening to his soft breaths coming across the other end of the phone. “Are you okay?”

The relief that flooded Alex's mind when Juliette answered the phone was palpable, to even him. He let out a quiet sigh and tugged the blanket closer to his body. He wanted to sleep, wanted to curl up in her arms and have her fingers running through his hair to lull him into a false sense of relief, her nails dragging over his skin. He had almost opened his lips to voice the desire but at the last moment, pushed it away. He couldn't do that to her.

"Couldn't sleep," Alex explained into the phone, laying his head against the decorative pillow on the couch. "I was having, er, bad dreams," he tried to further explain. He couldn't call them nightmares, it made him sound like a child he felt.

"I didn't wake you up, did I?" Alex suddenly felt concerned, his eyes widening a bit as he straightened up. "I can let you get back to sleep if you want."

“No, no, handsome,” she mumbled as she pulled the covers up to her waist. “I actually couldn’t sleep; I haven’t been able to sleep a wink since I left your parents’ house…” She trailed off, her eyes searching in the dark for something to focus on. She felt a little nervous, and she wasn’t sure why. All Juliette wanted to do was go carefully load her son up in her vehicle and race back to her in-laws to her husband.

She let out a soft sight as she listened to him speak. She knew that “bad dreams” was a code word for night terrors. She wasn’t naïve, the USMC had briefed her on what would happen when her husband came home—if he came home—before they presumed him dead. She was told about PTSD, the anger issues, the depression… She wasn’t oblivious to what was going on with her husband.

“Do you—“ she stopped herself, not knowing if she was going too far. But there was a sinking feeling in her gut, something telling her to stop beating around the bush and to just woman up and be his wife. “Do you need me to come back? I can be there in less than fifteen, Alex. Just say the word and I am on my way.”

Alex had thought he could be strong, thought all he needed was to hear Juliette's voice and he would be okay but then she asked that question and he knew he wasn't. His heart quenched and he drew in a shaky breath and tried to speak but he only let out a strangled noise. Swallowing back the lump that had formed in his throat, Alex gave a shrug of his shoulders.

He was trying to tell himself that he was okay, that he needed to be okay because it wouldn't be fair to Juliette to ask her to load their son up and come back to him just because he was having a bad dream. But he needed her.

"Please," Alex finally breathed the word, clamping his eyes shut in a weak attempt to stop the tears that had welled in his eyes. "Just drive safe," Alex murmured, clutching at the phone.

“I’ll be there soon, I promise.” Juliette whispered into the receiver.

As soon as she got off the phone with her husband, she began to pack a couple of things that her and the baby would need for the following day. She grabbed an extra set of clothes for Alex as well, since she wasn’t sure if he had anything at his parents’ house to change into. Juliette made sure that the vehicle was loaded up first before she snuck into Alexander’s room and scooped him up. She carefully got him into the vehicle as well, mentally patting herself on the back when she was able to do so without waking the toddler up.

Juliette made her way over to her in-laws as quickly and safely as she could. She grabbed Alexander out of the vehicle, taking him into the house first. She smiled softly when she got into the door with her spare key and saw Alex sitting on the couch. She held a finger to her lips as she slipped past him and into the spare bedroom to lay the child down.

“I’ll be right back,” she whispered as she emerged from the room and made her way outside. She collected everything out of the vehicle before going back into the house. She dropped everything by the door and shut it behind her. She gave him another smiled and spoke softly, “Hey, handsome.”

“I’ll be there soon, I promise.” Juliette whispered into the receiver.

As soon as she got off the phone with her husband, she began to pack a couple of things that her and the baby would need for the following day. She grabbed an extra set of clothes for Alex as well, since she wasn’t sure if he had anything at his parents’ house to change into. Juliette made sure that the vehicle was loaded up first before she snuck into Alexander’s room and scooped him up. She carefully got him into the vehicle as well, mentally patting herself on the back when she was able to do so without waking the toddler up.

Juliette made her way over to her in-laws as quickly and safely as she could. She grabbed Alexander out of the vehicle, taking him into the house first. She smiled softly when she got into the door with her spare key and saw Alex sitting on the couch. She held a finger to her lips as she slipped past him and into the spare bedroom to lay the child down.

“I’ll be right back,” she whispered as she emerged from the room and made her way outside. She collected everything out of the vehicle before going back into the house. She dropped everything by the door and shut it behind her. She gave him another smiled and spoke softly, “Hey, handsome.”

Alex had shifted to the front of the cushion, just barely on the edge as he waited for Juliette to arrive. His eyes had closed and he spent the better part of the time counting up to sixty and back down, focusing on the feeling on counting. It was one of the techniques that he had taught himself after accepting his fate, if he counted forward and back there was nothing else for him to focus on. He couldn't focus on any physical pain, emotional pain, or some sort of combination of. Even with someone standing, taunting him.

His eyes only opened when he heard the sound of the tires pulling up the driveway and for once, he knew he was okay. Exhaling slowly, Alex swallowed the lump that formed in his throat as the door opened in front of him.

"Hey," he greeted quietly, dropping his gaze to the floor when she headed for the stairs. Alex began to count again, under his breath because he felt the edges of his sanity fraying once again.

It wasn't until Juliette reappeared with all the bags and the door shut that he looked back up to find her eyes on him.

"Hey," Alex whispered, holding his arms out for her. His arms slipped around her waist when she was close enough and held her there, just breathing. "Thank you for coming," he said, his hands remaining in place even as he tilted his head enough so that he could look up to her. "I'm sorry I bugged you... I just..." he trailed off with a sigh as he looked back down.

“Stop it,” Juliette mumbled as she allowed her arms to wrap back around him. “You know that I would do anything for you, Alex. You never bug me.”

Juliette grinned and shooed him over so she could sit on the couch next to him. She pressed a kiss to his cheek, reaching up to run her hands through his hair. She leaned against him as they settled back into the couch. Juliette reached over and grabbed the blanket to drape over them as she cuddled into her husband. “I mean, sometimes you bug me,” she smirked at him. “But this—“ She reached out and stroked the side of his face one more, “This isn’t bugging me.”

Juliette sighed softly as she continued to lightly stroke the exposed skin of his neck, trying her hardest to calm him down a little bit. She could tell just how tense he was. She hated it for him. “I love you,” she mumbled quietly, closing her eyes as she took in her surroundings.

“Is there anything you need me to do?” She asked quietly as she opened her eyes to look at him. “Do you need a massage or a bath? Need something to eat?” Juliette bit her lip as she looked at him. She truly had no clue what to do or if there was anything that she could do to help him.

Ales flashed a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes even as Juliette joked about him bugging her. He knew what she was playing at and it didn't bother him, it just didn't quite have the intended affect on him. He simply leaned his head against her shoulder and willed himself to relax. It worked just a little bit, enough that his shoulders weren't throbbing in pain. That was progress.

"Hm?" Alex had been so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn't been paying attention when Juliette first spoke. When she repeated herself, Alex hesitated for a moment, weighing his options. On one hand, he was afraid of the judgment he was sure that would come his way. Even if Juli didn't come out right and say it, she would look at him differently after she saw the scars that littered his back. Some from whippings, some from things he would really rather not talk about. And what if he lashed out when he sank into the water? Most of the time he could control himself but he knew he wasn't in the best state of mind but still, the promise of a warm bath had him nearly wanting to cry with relief. A warm bath where he didn't have to do anything but relax. Sounded damn near like heaven.

Alex moved to his feet, his fingers lacing with Juliette's as they began to head toward the bathroom. When they reached it, he twisted around and leaned against the doorway. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to," he murmured quietly, biting down on the inside of his cheek. "You can go lay down."

Juliette helped her husband up the stairs and watched as he began to disappear into the bathroom. A small frown made its way to her face and her eyebrows furrowed. Did he not want her help? She felt a little pushed away, but she kept the question and the sigh that was threatening to escape her lips at bay.

Juliette bit her lip, urging the threat of tears to go away. She hated seeing her husband in this state. She wanted to see the man smile and laugh and bring her in close like he always did. Not the frown that was ever present and the way she was at arm’s length. She leaned on the door frame as she watched him move farther into the bathroom.

“I mean, if you aren’t comfortable with me in here I can leave,” She suggested as her eyes lingered on him. “I can go grab you a few towels and then you can just come get me when you need to?”

Juliette licked her bottom lip as she watched his eyes burn into hers. “I have no problem helping you, Alex… That is what I am here for. I’m your wife, babe. I’m never going anywhere no matter what. No one, not one thing can make me turn my back on you…” She sighed quietly. “I will always be here for you… I just need you to know that.”