300 Confessions Way

Sit back and let karma do her work.

The boy and I told each other we loved each other early Saturday morning. Like 3am lol. Cause we were up all night as our "date night" and since we're long distance, we like to FaceTime, watch trash TV, and get high/drunk together. I'm making a big deal out of it cause this has never happened to me before. I told my ex I loved him and he broke up with me. Then we got back together and he still never said it until I asked him after we broke up the second time. Like this isn't a thing for me and now here I am with the most supportive and loving boyfriend in the world, only a few years later.

I'm on cloud nine.

I've got all of the early signs, one negative test and 17 more impatient days until I can take the second one. Fml.

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Yay back to confessions! Hello all!

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Real confession time: you're being an obstinate old lady, and that's why we all try to avoid you if we can, because you're hard to get along with.

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Aaaand my time of the month is back on.... Only two weeks after it ended. Cool... At least it's the first one of this month.

i'm currently in self-isolation/quarantine due to the fact i'm asthmatic and have been since birth, so chronic illnesses are obviously at a higher risk. i had to go through to edinburgh on wednesday though as i was meeting one of my best friends for the first time since meeting them online 4 years ago. it was worth it. but now, i have a cough that won't budge. no fever or any other symptoms. i'll keep an eye on it and obviously contact nhs 24 if needed.

other than that, my psychiatry assessment went well, i'm being allocated a CPN who will help me in recovery. i'm on sicklines at the moment for my PTSD & anxiety. although at the moment, i won't imagine appointments will be made in the near future because of this coronavirus thing. my physiotherapy appointment got cancelled, my job centre appointment got cancelled and everything is just being cancelled left right and centre. i had to scramble about to make sure i was stocked up for the month seeing as people keep panic buying. i want to throttle people.

people like myself with vulnerabilities/disabilities and only get paid a set amount on a certain day of each month can't get the necessities because of selfish and greedy panic buyers. luckily my family have been getting me stuff on the side, so i have plenty in.

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edit: IN OTHER NEWS, NEVERMIND, ITS FUCKING OFFICIAL. I'M ENGAGED, HE'S TAKING MY LAST NAME. FUCKING LOCK DOWN ENGAGEMENT HURRAY.

I wish Dujo would come back and fix the site. Now would be the perfect time to sit down and write but without the pages working it would be useless to post anything. Sharing alone isn't gonna get anyone enough readers and/or feedback.

I think my time of the month is finally straightening itself out. Yaaay.

For the first time in a long time, I can finally say my anxiety has finally settled down. Even though the world is in complete chaos, I find myself remaining calm. My stomach isn't full of anxiety, my mind is calm. I have not felt this calm in the longest time. Maybe it's the calm before the storm, but here's to hoping it stays.

I tried to sleep last night, but I kept having nightmares. You'd think it would ease up since it's been nine years, but it's still so vivid. Unfortunately, my therapy appointment is delayed due to recent events, but I'm sure I can cope with that. I've just been sat in with my fiance and writing self-insert fics to keep myself occupied and destracted. I'm knackered, though, so I'll probably get a good sleep tonight.

Looks like I'll be out of work until May 4th at the earliest. The reality of this is starting to sink in, and my anxiety is starting to come alive. How do people with anxiety survive this? I'm not so sure if i'm strong enough to do it myself.

i fucked up.

cannibal.:

I wish Dujo would come back and fix the site. Now would be the perfect time to sit down and write but without the pages working it would be useless to post anything. Sharing alone isn't gonna get anyone enough readers and/or feedback.

A mibba renaissance? I'm fucking down for that.

Oh my god, Final Fantasy 7 Remake is bloody amazing so far. I'm in love, it's brilliant. It looks brilliant and god damn, I love Barret Wallace and will protect him with all costs.

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My aunt died of a heart attack on Wednesday. I wasn't close to her, but I had to make sure my other aunts and uncles were doing okay and that my mum was okay, although she didn't really like her. Wouldn't wish any harm on her, though, so she was obviously sending condolenscences. However, I won't be feeling anything towards the situation considering how nasty she was to my mum and all the drama she started, when my mum had just lost her sight, trying to say she faked it. Like, yes, my mum fakes being blind for some bizarre reason. I don't understand her logic.

And above that, only in my family, would my uncle in the same week, be put in jail for selling drugs at the age of 65. Bloody selling dope at 65, only in my family. My family is all kinds of weird at times, jesus.

i can finally say with certainty that i'm in a good place. maybe moving during a global pandemic wasn't my brightest idea and things are still batshit crazy but i'm happy. i flew in a plane twice for the first time in my life (my ears hurt for hours afterward tho) and it was an amazing experience. my roommate is absolutely amazing and we write together and hhh. she has two kids and they've started calling me daddy and i'm just ???? they're such good kids and i love them so much. never thought being around children for so long would bring me so much peace but wow, they do. i miss my grandparents so much and i've cried a few times over leaving but we still talk and i'm content with that at least. being 14 hours away is difficult though.

last night i started looking at one of my past nanowrimo pieces and i'm thinking about doing a full rewrite and then trying to publish it (also not @ how i predicted corona wtf). and as soon as everything going on passes, i'm going to hopefully start talking to a therapist about starting t and, eventually, getting top surgery.

things are looking up, i'm becoming stronger. i never thought either of those things would happen but they are and i'm so, so overjoyed with how things are going in my life rn. now if only the beaches would open up bc a hoe needs to see the damn ocean already.

Finally for sure blocked him. My time is precious too. FOH.