300 Confessions Way

I know its a crazy dangerous game that I play and I know that I have to be fair....but it still stings.

I don't know why I still get so surprised. Why I put in so much effort just to get the rug ripped from under me. Why I even bother trusting this company when it's been shown, proven to me, time and time again, over and over, that they can rip money from my paycheck and not even give an explanation why. When! WHEN! I had been told prior that this new project we picked up should include the state paying us for our time!

Why do I continue working here when I get spit on for trying to do things right? When I'm not respected for my time and effort, when no one wants to do what I do but expects me to do it all and assist other departments with my services, when I'm being dragged by the teeth to get paid severely less than I deserve, and I fucking know it?

Because I don't have a backup plan. Because I don't get to save or have a fall back for my piling bills. Because they know I'm desperate and have to take the shit they give me because I don't have any other choice. Because it's what I deserve, apparently.

You know...that is a little rape-y.

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What do you mean it's been 10 years since The Rev died??

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Come back to Ohio and let me play with your hair and hold you close and lay across your chest. I'll shower you eith affection just please hurry home.

Tomorrow the laptop my grandma bought for me comes and I’m planning on writing some shit

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I’m up really early. I keep thinking about how when I went to talk to Disability services at my school, the counselor kept judging me. It’s like mental illness isn’t really considered as big of a deal as it is. Yes. I understand that people will never understand. Those who aren’t in your brain. But at least don’t judge me. He kept making sly comments about the fact that I dropped out of college three times due to my depression. He kept saying “Make good grades this time around. Don’t drop out this time around. Do your work this time around”. But what this butthole doesn’t understand is that I didn’t drop out due to not making good grades. When I say I dropped out due to depression...that’s what I mean. I made good grades yet I was still suffering from depression. It had nothing to do with academics. Just my mental health. But yet, when I sit in a office supposed to be there for people to help me not judge me...I get judged. He wrote me up my letters, though. For next semester. I’ll have leniency if I pull something like I did yesterday and not go to class simply for the fact that my social anxiety was too much. I’m going to get tested for hypothroidism soon. Because in my paperwork I brought to the disability student center, it says that I have it. But I’ve never been treated for it. I don’t know if having a thyroid problem could be what has been causing my depression due to not receiving the amounts of whatever it is in my body that my thyroid is supposed to make...but I’ll find out I guess. I’m still feeling harsh on myself.

Heartbroken over the Notre Dame. Absolutely heart wrenching. 850 years of history, and it’s done. It’s gone. Trying to save what they can.

I hate when I'm in my feelings, I knew what this was, and what it wasn't. I knew, dude. I fucking knew, so why the fuck am I so upset?

I am so depressed right now. Everything just feels so heavy.
How can you tell someone you feel like crashing your car and dying without them worrying about you?

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He literally spent the whole night snoring on my chest, it was perfect.

I'm so drunk. YAAAAAS

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I really wish it wasn't so hard for me to come up with ideas to write about. It makes me wanna diiieeeeee

Sometimes I think he takes advantage of the fact that I allow him to go out and do whatever he wants. Like saying you'll be home tonight then telling me "I thought you weren't expecting me home until tomorrow." okay, whatever. I'm so past the point of giving a fuck. I have weed, pizza bites and caffeine. I sure as fuck will be just fine.

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I need to start working on my capstone but the very thought of it stresses me to such an extent that I can't.

Sick of people who are not lgbt+ determining that labels such as lgb are unnecessary My identity and having a word for it is just as valid as your straightness. You only think it isn't needed because you never have to say you're straight because you are the default. Come to an lgbt+ space, and see what it feels like to explain your straightness to people, feel what we feel on an almost daily basis. Go on.
We are not just people in love, we are lesbians, and while we are also people, that distinction matters.

I hate you.

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