300 Confessions Way

Update: Ive only written the introduction to my capstone, guys. :

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That was the best little group to see Endgame with. And I want to scream about the movie an assload right now immediately any my only hookup for that is busy so I wont. Just go see it, guys.

I had a dream about my ex so now I want to text him and curse him out
but if I do he either won't reply or make me feel worse than I already do c: so yay.

I don’t normally say this, but life isn’t fucking fair.

Really just wanna drunk makeout with him.

I hate to see what we have become. But I guess I'll have to respect your wish.

Catching onto things. HAH

I feel like our current DM only shows interest in my boyfriend being a future DM for our group, and I don't know whether it's just because they've been friends since high school, or if it's something else. But it still makes me feel bad nonetheless.

But the drive it gives me...makes me feel even worse, because I know it's because I want to prove myself better than my boyfriend at it. And that's...rude, I think. This shouldn't feel like a competition. And yet...

Any fanart that makes Kylo Ren look like a tan angel makes me physically weak.

I'm not the same person I was before. I no longer care if anyone liked me or accepted me. But I also know to pick my fight smartly. So I guess I'm just gonna bite my tongue for now.

.

The story I'm writing for Zack's contest is making me want to make Sims versions of the characters and their house.

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I feel like I'm losing my friends.

men are so fucking ignorant sometimes it's unreal. I dont care if you're out, I deserve to be thought of more than once a fucking day. This is exactly why I cant stand when you leave for the weekend because you turn ignorant as fuck and I can't fucking stand it. Be mad at me all you fucking want, but i said what I said. I'm not even asking for a phone call, I'm asking to hear from you more than just once in the morning BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK FOR. I cannot fucking stand you right now. No wonder why I fucking drink.

@ prevail.
do it, i dare you!

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the pain has finally ebbed a little but i'm destroying my liver by taking 20-35 ibuprofin today. really need to see a doctor about this because i have a really high pain tolerance but this pain is knocking me off my feet.

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I am jealous, jealous, jealous. And I hate it, hate it, hate it. And I can't stop myself feeling this way. Painting minis was supposed to be something I wanted to be good at, and I want so desperately to feel good that my boyfriend is finding himself a hobby that he's good at. But. I keep feeling like I have nothing. Nothing I can do well. Anything I can do, someone else can do better. And isn't that always the case for me? Jack of some trades, master of none.

It's fine. Who cares. None of this matters anyway. It's all just a big waste of money and time. I barely find joy in anything anymore. This isn't anything I'm not used to. All I do now is collect dice and pretend I'm happy.

so I just received the ever-threatening text message of "U better get p" from my grandparents

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I want to stop feeling like this

it's funny how you think you know what love is, but someone comes along and by god, they swept me off my feet. they have made me realise what love actually is. and as much as i love him, as much as i love being with him, love is a horrible feeling. it feels like a dread in my stomach of "what if's" and prevention tactics. but the happiness he gives me and the joy and love he returns to me is worth it over and over. i have never felt love before. lust, yes. feelings of infatuation? yes. love? not until now. my partner doesn't want kids, marriage isn't a big deal, he loves me. and is the first person to love me. the first person i've fell in love with and has been in love with me. it's beautiful, but it's god damn scary.

man i wish i could perpetually feel that powerful sense of strength and control like i always do after a great krav session. wish i could hold onto it forever. c:

i've calmed down lmao