and i’ve lost who i am.

“I think they were doing something to his head to make sure he didn’t get any brain damage,” Brian said, snickering to himself. “More than he already has.” It probably wasn’t a good time to be joking around after what just happened, but it could have been worse and he liked to lighten the mood. He looked up when Matt’s parents came out from down the hall.

“Carrie, he’s asking for you,” Kim said.

“Is he okay,” Carrie asked. The redhead felt extremely guilty that Matt was as hurt as he was. They had only been out on the road because she had wanted to go home. She should have just sucked it up and stayed with him.

“He’ll be okay,” Kim said. “He’s got a concussion and whiplash, but no serious damage. You should go see him.” She took Gary’s hand and walked out with him. Matt would be discharged soon, so they didn’t need to stay any longer since Brian had offered to take care of Matt.

Carrie walked down the hall to Matt’s room, slowly walking in and sitting down next to his bed. “They said you’ve been asking for me,” she mumbled. “How do you feel?”

Matt looked up when he heard Carrie come in. “Hey,” he mumbled. “I’m okay. How are you?” He felt so selfish for worrying about his own health and not hers. His vision was blurry but he could still see that her hand was wrapped up with bandages. He frowned deeply. “Your hand. Are you okay?”

“It’s fine,” Carrie mumbled. “Just a few stitches.” She moved to hold Matt’s good hand and pressed a kiss to it. “I’m sorry,” she frowned. “We shouldn’t have even been on the road.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m just glad I didn’t end up hitting someone. But I’m sorry I got you hurt,” Matt mumbled. He felt guilty that he had been the cause of her pain. He should have just kept his eyes on the road, and this wouldn’t have happened. “Did you see anyone out there? On the road?”

“I saw someone on the road but I couldn’t tell who or what it was,” Carrie lies. “It all happened so fast.” She didn’t know if she could tell anyone she thought she saw Zack. For all she knew she had probably just hallucinated seeing him.

“They probably got scared and ran off,” Matt mumbled. He bit his lip gently, staring down at their hands for a moment. “Do you really regret what happened?”

Carrie shook her head. “No,” she mumbled. “You gave me what I asked for and I’m glad you did.” She began absently running her thumb over the top of his hand as she looked at him. “They said you got a really bad concussion,” she mumbled. “Does your head hurt at all?”

“I feel really lightheaded but they gave me pain medicine so I’m not feeling much of anything right now,” Matt said. “My vision is blurry as fuck, though. So I guess I’ll be needing help for a little while. They said it shouldn’t take too long for it to go back to normal. Probably a week tops.”

“I know Brian offered to help,” Carrie stated. “Which means I’ll probably going back to your house with you too.” The redhead doubted Brian would want to leave either of them alone and everyone else had a lot on there plates and couldn’t handle babysitting her anyways.

Matt frowned. “I can call Johnny, he’ll come take care of me,” he said. He wasn’t dumb, he knew she felt guilty about what happened, even if she didn’t regret it. And she probably didn’t want to be around him right now.

Carrie frowned back at Matt, moving her hands to rest in her lap. “You really think with all the fighting he’s been doing with Piper he can afford to play babysitter too,” she questioned. “Everyone is having issues Matt.”

“Yeah but I know you don’t want to be close to me right now,” Matt said. “You feel just as guilty as I do about sleeping with me and the last thing I need right now is to fall even more in love with you than I already am.” He huffed as he laid back, hating that he’d admitted his feelings but he couldn’t control the words as they came out.

Carrie’s body tensed, shocked Matt admitted what he had out loud. It was definitely different hearing it from Matt than just hearing about second hand from Brian. “Why didn’t you ever say something,” she asked quietly.

“Because you wanted to be with Zack,” Matt mumbled. “You were so in love with him, I wasn’t going to be the one to ruin your relationship. You were happy. I was fine dealing with my heartache as long as I got to see you happy, as fucking cheesy as that sounds.”

“And look where I am now,” Carrie scoffed. “Beyond shattered and needing to be babysat because you all think I’ll do something stupid.” She quickly wiped away a tear that began falling down her face, upset that she was getting so worked up. “You sat there and watched Zack fuck me, love me and ruin me,” she snapped. “If you had just made me fall in love with you then I wouldn’t be so fucking miserable now.”

Matt frowned at her words. “It’s not my fault he walked away, Carrie,” he said firmly, hating that it felt like she was blaming him for the state that Zack left her in. “Everything has already happened, so what do you want me to do now? I can’t turn back time.”

“He didn’t just walk away,” Carrie hissed. “He disappeared and we just buried an empty fucking casket because he’s still gone!” She felt more tears run down her face as she felt herself getting even more angry. “You could have held me but you got up and slid your boxers on,” she stated. “I wanted you to hold me but you didn’t.” She stood up and shook her head. “I’m going home,” she mumbled. “Brian can keep an eye on you.” She walked out of the room, sneaking past Brian and out of the hospital, managing to get an uber back to her place in record time.