Cherry Soda Boy - Comments

Title:
I don’t know why but the title draws me in. I can’t exactly put my finger on why I like it so much, but I do.

Summary & Layout:
The shades of reds you used are really nice! I think it’s cute how you used the cherry as the ‘o’ in boy, though I’m not fond of the font you used to ‘Cherry Soda’. The ending sentences of your summary are really nice. It makes you interested in what else is to come. It makes you wonder what could this guy do to have such an effect.

Chapter One:
That was a freaking amazing chapter, great way to start off a story. You get everything you’d ever want out of a first chapter—his opinions/views, what he’s like. You’re wonderful, especially the way that you have written this chapter, and how you described everything. You can tell that this guy is wasted beyond belief.

Chapter Two:
You look like the love child of a lobster and a porcupine.
Hilarious!

You did an absolutely wonderful job at describing everybody! You didn’t give everything away but you gave us enough to either like them or hate them, at least to me.

Chapter Three:
The best part of this story was the couple paragraphs towards the end about ‘when are we dead?’. I also really enjoyed the ending, well, how you wrote it anyways. It was kind of a downer, but I’ve kind of comprehended that this story isn’t a happy-go-lucky kind of read.

Chapter Four:
I think I like this story so much because the characters are so realistic. They are perfect by any standards. They lie, the smoke, the drink. They are ‘normal’. It’s a nice change.

Overall:
I really adore this story. It is so interesting and good. I am eager to read about Reno and Robin!

Basing on the summary it does sound like a bit of the cliche slash.

Yet, you drew this out well and it is very good in it's own way. I think it's cute and hope this does well -well I bet it already is a well known mibbian story-

ok i read chapter two. wow, I absolutely loved it.. and the wayrobin was looking at reno..s one of them gay?ans im assuming reno is cherry soda boy. =]

Layout and story title: The layout was pretty good, better than any of my layouts! And the title was good too, it's unique. The title makes the story sound like it's going to be really cutesy, but that's prolly just me. Even if that's not what the story is gonna be like I'll still think the title is great!

Summary: I do like this summary, especially the last lines of it. It sounds a little unoriginal, but I still would enjoy reading it. ^_^

Chapter 1: So the opening is awesome. It made me want to read more instantly. Good job on that!

I love your descriptions too, though I feel like these too are a bit overused. The same kind of descriptions I read lots, but that's alright. I prefer a different way of describing things but it's totally cool like this too.

Lungs full up with plagued air I think you mean fill?

I look at the T.V. to my left. Pixilated men, dressed in desert camouflage, run in and out of rundown buildings. Guns propped up. Aiming. Set. Fire. Fake bullets singed the air. Erupting into a fire fight. Two Seconds: blood squirts from player two’s head and Devon curses. I think you add too many periods. I know it adds a dramatic effect to the reader if you put periods in and that's fine, but I think you should use commas more. I understand that he is high but putting periods where they don't belong is... well, I just don't think you should portray he is high in that way I guess. But to each his own!

I've been ridiculously high before and my thoughts weren't all stoppy and stuff. Just sayin.

BOB DYLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111 I love Bob Dylan. :) Glad you mentioned him!! eek!

Idealistic individualist with their IPods and IPhones. Sick self-serving sadist raised on reality T.V glorifying all these traits. I mean, does anyone even do anything anymore? No one has a voice. They have nothing to say. I love this.

I clock my head to the side and examine the being before me You mean cock -giggle-

And, good. You mentioned Fight Club, which is just awesome.

I guess that makes me Ed Norton. Which is fine. Ed Norton is cool to… too.

I liked the ending, but I think it's all a bit too dramatic for me.

THIS BOY IS FLYING. xD I love the layout. It's clean and readable, not to mention that the banner is really well done. :) It's pretty and I'm curious as to what the title has to do with the story. And is this a slash?! :D I think that made this so f*cking awesome. Oh, my. I love the summary. WHAT WILL HAPPEN?! It gives me so many questions, and grips me. I wonder how their love will play out? I must read on!

I love the way you describe things. I, personally, liked the choppy sentences in the first paragraph. They added a certain emphasis and I like that. And I adored how you never state that he's high. You just explain it. At first, I didn't understand everything too well, but it all became clearer as the chapter progressed. I really can't say how much I love the description. It's magnificent and beautiful. Plus, I didn't see many mistakes. The only thing was with the paragraphs. I don't know it this was deliberate, but when you start a new paragraph, be sure there is a space between them, even if their short. That's just how I would have done it, but, otherwise, very good. There isn't any favorite descriptions of mine, because I just love it all so much. It was all wonderful.

When he was explaining war, it made me wonder. It really did. I feel like he was in one of those "enlightenment" moments people who are high seem to fall it. I like how he compared it to the Vietnam war. It brought an interesting light to everything. I wonder how this will play in with the rest of the story. And will more Bob Dylan music show up throughout the story? I'm curious to find out if these factors are related to a theme in this story.

I liked the character. He interests me, and he seems sort of blunt, which I always love in a character. He talks of minority, and that also intrigues me. I'm curious to how this will play in with the story. Perhaps another theme!

Overall, this was very well written. It has a very good plot so far, and I'm interested in seeing how this whole thing progresses. Wonderful. <3

Oh good god. I can't explain how absolutely fantastic this is. How fantastic you are. The wording is flawless and literally sent a new set of chills down my spine with every new paragrah. Your word choice and diction are incredible. Nothing short of mind blowing, even. I'm at a loss for words because this was so fucking POWERFUL that I had to stop a couple of times before I was able to take anymore of it in.

I've actually had my eye on this story for quite awhile, but I've not had the chance to really sit down and read. But I knew before even looking at it that it would be grand. And I was absolutely correct.

And I just loved how wonderfuly negative he is. I like negative characters that can absolutely just piss me off and make me want to stab myself because I feel so pissy and negative. And I got that feeling.

I'm subscribing. :')

yeah you can tell this dude is high, stoners often have these strange thoughts. Strange thoughts that some how, darkly make sense. I the chapter over all. But I only read the first chapter so I'm pretty confused to what exactly the point of it is. I sense a depressed kid, some one who rather be alone than around others.

He seems lost and I like the way he explains things like the cracks in the ceiling. And how he studies himself in the mirror. From what I've seen in the first chapter he has the potential to be a great character. I very much enjoyed that chapter :]

Before I start the story, I just want to say I’ve always wanted to live in Staten Island. Well, not really but I’d DIE to live in New York City, though the parts of NYC that I most want to live in is usually around the Manhattan area. Anyway, I’m actually going to start commenting. xD Ooh, I like your summary, it doesn’t give too much away and I must say, it is intriguing and it kind of gives me that inner city vibe and about the grittiness and the dirtiness that comes with it. I normally don’t read slash but this definitely sounds interesting.

I liked the choppiness and the disjointed sentences in the first chapter, I can tell that it meant to be like that and that’s how his inner thoughts operate. Okay, when the narrator starts talking about Fight Club and how his reflection makes him look like Tyler Durden and that himself is Ed Norton, I have the feeling the other boy is probably a figment of his imagination? I don’t know, I checked out the character page and there was only Reno listed…? I have no idea, I’m probably reading too much into it, aha. The vibe I’m getting from the narrator is that he’s definitely a control freak and that he likes to be in control, for things to go his way and nothing else and for him to be able to grasp it in his hands at all times. He comes off as slightly neurotic but then again, it’s probably got to do with his control freak tendencies.

Anyway, I loved the chapter. It’s quite thought provoking about the topic of control and being able to control one’s destiny. It’s intriguing. Anyway, like I said before, great chapter :D

I am already sinfully attracted to Reno.

That was ridiculously awesome. I only read the first chaptered but I really liked it. The layout seemed almost too...cute for the chapter but it still fit, which is kind of odd but it works.

I really liked how choppy the whole chapter, and especially the first paragraph, was. It almost set the tone for the chapter, if you know what I mean. It made it seem more realistic to me, because really, who actually thinks straight while they're high.

Your descriptions were really good, I like being able to see everything in my head while I read it, which I basically did. There were a few parts where I was slightly confused, but I have the feeling that was kind of the point of it.

I only noticed one grammar thing:
I clock my head to the side and examine the being before me
"clock" seems like it should be "cock"

But other than that, it was super awesome and I'm looking forward to reading the rest (:

Good Gah.

I started off reading it fearing extreme smutt and things that I just don't have the stomach for (whether it's slash, hetero, or femmeslash) and found something absolutely worth every second of my time.

The descriptions were marvelous. You used imagery and psychological tangents to get your points across and it was beautifully done.

You should go back through the first chapter with a grammar comb though, I did see some errors (nothing major just what looked like typos).

I've never read anything even slightly slash before now and let me just say, for this to be my first it's a priveledge.

The cussing was a bit extreme and some of the characters really make me mad (evoking emotions, good) as well as I worry for the main character. He seems really sarcastic and almost depressed?

I can't wait to read the next chapter and anyone who sees this review should definitely check this story out. It was well worth the read.

kay. love the backdrop. the red color is simple, but adds that really cool touch to the reading experience. i also really like the banner! the writing is just awesome! as is the title.

anyways. first chapter.

it took me until the author's note to realize he was high (i'm just oblivious), i had the sneaking suspicion before though. i really do like your writing style and the way each character has their own voice, how they talk just like any normal teenager.

ONE teeny tiny spelling error... even then you might have intended it:
“clock my head to the side.”
Did you by chance mean, “Cock my head to the side”?

second chapter:

i really enjoy how Robin talks. "i don't go through girls like you do underwear!" XD had me laughing really hard. as well as Reno... i think Reno is an awesome name for starters. as is your description of him.

your writing style is very nice as well. has an excellent rhythm and flow to it, as does the tone of the writing. which seems to sort of come off as nonchalant and explanatory. :)

third chapter:

i feel bad. i laughed at the first paragraph. "which normally means he had somewhere else to be, such as a girl's bed." (bit of paraphrasing) but yeah. Robin's reaction was pretty funny. But that girl he met, I was also very curious as to who she was. The way you described her was interesting as well. “slinked back inside her house.” I almost had the impression she was some rich girl. XD

anyways. I’m fascinated. I’ll be coming back to read the fourth chapter soon!

I really like this, its different which I love. The title is different which is also good.
The way you describe things is really good, your details are very good. The summary had me hook, it wasn't too long enough to get me to read more. I can't stand summaries that just drag out, and ruin the whole story.

I only read chapter one (sorry Im in a rush, but I will read more) and so far I really like this. At first I wasn't hook but as I kept on reading I found myself getting hook, I hate I can't read more. This is really good and I bet the rest is even better :)

I really love your writing style! All the chapters flow so nicely together and the way you choose to describe things within your paragraphs is great. I like the picture you chose as well, it's very urmm seductive in a way, that's probably not the best choice of words but I don't know any better way to explain it. After reading the summery I couldn't wait to start reading the first chapter. Then after reading the forth chapter I can't wait to read the fifth. I'm going to subscribe to this and I hope you keep writing it :)
You did a great job keeping my attention with your writing. Sometimes too much detail can be boring yet not enough detail is boring too, you mastered the perfect amount of detail in this story.

I've only read the first chapter because it's quite late at the moment but I can guarantee you that I'm definitely coming back for more of this. This is the best things I've ever read on this site, and while it might not mean much, I hope you know that I love this a severe amount.

The choppy sentences (which I think really add to your style, it sort of gives you the edge other authors don't have, and I'm glad you didn't out the commas) mixed with the imagery of the tar black really made me think of like a psychedelic background, with the waves of colours behind him. I could just see the ceiling dripping on him, and I thought that was done perfectly.

Usually I don't like such negative characters but Robin has a certain charm. He hates things with a reason, he doesn't just hate things... to hate things, which I find a lot of people do. It takes away that sort of whiner tone and just leaves bitter and sarcastic which is really entertaining to read. And too, how you've woven in these ideals with his thoughts, where it doesn't sound preachy but just him... thinking. And they definitely ring true either way, the 60s I think would be an amazing time period to live in.

Also, I just thought it was really amusing when you said he smiled sardonically, and you username is Sardonic Grin. And the Fight Club reference, that was awesome.

He's rough around the edges, definitely, but Robin is definitely already growing on me. He's just do amusing that I can't not like him.

And of course, your writing is fantastic. You incorporate all these little things, like the video games and the Bob Dylan in the background that makes me feel like I could be there, beside him, lying on my back and just listening to all of this happening. There details that a lot of authors would think insignificant but really just add so much to the story, I think, which makes a good story amazing.

If you couldn't tell, I really do love this and will definitely be coming back to finish it when I'm not about to pass out! :)

Sorry I didn't comment back very fast.
I like this, the writing style is very nice. The layout is good.
I really like the way that you separate thoughts and balance description with dialogue.
I didn't see many spelling or grammar errors, it was very well written.
:)

SO um, well your writing makes my downstairs happy. But seriously, that first paragraph had me drooling all over my laptop, like it's sticky now because I was eating cookies and drinking milk. So thanks for that. You've got a marvelous descriptive narrative, and just, I have no coherent thoughts right now to explain how I feel about this. Just....I like it, and this comment sounds like I just shat everywhere because I've got nothing to say but braavaaa. I just wish that you weren't constipated like me and could write more for it because I definitely enjoyed what I read, I love that you're taking a love story and making it not an exact love story, but rather a type of moral? Like 'love helps' or something that sounds better and less stupid than that. But yeah, yay. :)

I do love it when I share a name with a character :)
I'm liking it so far! You're very descriptive on just about everything. Robin sort of depresses me and the boys' constant use of the word 'bro' bugs me, but in a good way. If that makes any sense. Either way, I'm enjoying it :) You're an awesome writer and I'm definitely subscribing.

This is really good :D I've never really liked slash, but this is well written, and it's got a great story :D love the name and the chapter titles too!

Keep uploading!

I haven't gotten to read the orginal but this is quite professional and a good read. It was a bit hard for me to read for some reason, but that could just be me. You're very spot-on with emotions and how teenage boys are like.
I'm not a big person for slash, but this was very well-wrote. I hardly ever found any typos or spelling mishaps.
It seems like the story is loud and controversial, but at the same time it's quiet and seems like everything is normal.
The first chapter I found to be the easiest to read, and the second and third were a bit more hard to read.

But overall, great job!