The Origin of the Blue Princess - Comments

Thank-you for all your comments and for reading my book. The 1st part of the chapter will be fixed soon as I have someone proof reading it for me. I can't fix all the mis-takes because of my delxia prevents me from doing so. The person will be sending me back the 1st part of chapter one soon, soo please be pacient with me. Thank-you again for reading.

Well I only read through a bit and I saw about three mistakes. I forgot most of them however....

One mistake was when you wrote about how about the main character and how she was running with her mother they.."went through the right wall".

I know you meant "went right through the wall" but you know...just so you know that you have to go fix that. :)

You asked for feedback, right? Here you go.

You have talent for writing. Especially for someone with dyslexia. However, it wasn't something I would willingly want to read again. The speech reminded me of textbooks, the details were boring, the setting was far-fetched, and the characters... well, not only was it hard to realte to because most of the names are, presumably, made up, but they also felt too familar -- like I'd seen them somewhere else. Like The Looking Glass Wars. I understand that this is a princess story, but... it seems a little mobid. Judging by the previous comments, I see you've done a lot to fix this, but you've got a long way to go.

Do I think you could get published anytime soon? No. And I agree with MyNameIsBob. If you want to be published that badly, you shouldn't have posted on the internet. Get some people close to you to read it.

It has good detail but the story really didn't catch my attention that much . I skimmed a little but what I read so far was really good.

About the story:
Alsia shook with fear that voice was the voice that had haunted her dreams even before her parent’s death. It was the image that taunted her with the very face of evil. To her all he meant was fear and anger and so many other things Alsia couldn’t even recognize, but she could recognize love and hate and she hated him; with such a deep hate like the likes she had never felt before. He had no right to take them from her; he had no right to leave her all alone. Alsia cried harder. She could never imagine this; not even in a million years, she could never imagine this and what was he to do with her? It didn’t make sense why had he killed her mother and father right before her and then not kill her also; it was unfair.

About the me, the author.
My Name is Jessie,
This story is my book that I'm working on. I need feedback badly and would love it if you leave it. I'm planning on getting this story published soon hopefully finshed by the end of this year. I have bad delxia which, means I swtich the letters of words around and do so quite often, so if you happened to see one word, but spelt differently it's because of that sorry, but if you let me know the word and how to spell it than I will gadly fix it. Please don't be afarid to be harsh, I need it so I can make my story stronger. Also please also keep you're comments with porfound language to a mainum there is no reason to cuss me out or put your opion in a fowel manner. One or two cuss words are fine. Also please tell me what you liked about my story and what points you think I can make it stronger. Thank-you, in advance, so very very much! XD ^_^

There were some wrong words in the description but i fixed them ^^

I'm going to read the story now :)

You have good imagery most of the time, which is good.
I did see typos and punctuation errors. But other than that, it was pretty good.

It'd be great if you seperated the points of view somehow, even just an extra line. I do agree with MyNameIsBob, as to if you're serious about publishing it, you probably shouldn't post it all on the internet.

I like it

Alright, here is my opinion on your work. Keep in mind that it is just my honest opinion, and not intended to offend. I came across numerous grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, too many for me to remind you of the correct spelling.

I read about your condition, so I understand your mistakes. The constant description of every detail was a tad overdone. Every so often is fine, but not every other paragraph. It almost got to a point to where you were repeating yourself.

You should organize it better, since it was a little hard to keep up with. My interest dwindled some after the first few paragraphs.

I hope this helps. I'm sorry if it sounded rude!

nvm...i red it a second time...it was betr than anything i've evr written

yea it needs paragraphs...; )

Nice :D
I love it.

I really don't want to rain on your parade but if you are planning on publishing this then you really shouldn't upload it onto the internet where if it is good it is bound to be stolen and then published by someone else.

If you really are serious about it you should keep it to yourself.

b tru 2 ur self respect ur self b lieve in ur self trust me u'll need it

Thanx for all the comments everything will be fixed here shortly.

Well, I'm not sure if the paragraphing is due to the site itself or if you forgot them, but I suggest you alter that in you work (if it isn't the site problem, that is).

I also spotted errors in Chapter one:
It all started in a castle where King Ravel and the beautiful Queen Amelia sits (sat) on their thrones in a kingdom know(n) through out all of the lands as Swania

You could get a beta reader if you like.

I love the story plot, though!

Good work,
Em

amazing. i loved it; a little confusing but it was amazing. paragraphs are needed tho. keep writing!

okay so i thought it was pretty good although people don't seem to like stories about this kind of stuff. Keep it up.=] Just maybe re read through your writing so you know there are no mistakes. And follow the adive of the people above me.
Good work=]

HiddenKey:

Although I didn't read the whole story, only being that this particular subject of the time of princesses doesn't grasp my attention. But your writing creates a beautiful pictures. As most were saying, you really do need paragraphs. Keep it up.

I completley agree. It's a wonderfully written story, I'm just the wrong audience.

I don't have any critiques on the story since I know my own writing needs plenty of work.

My only advice would be...don't ask for constructive criticism. Since you're planning on publishing this so soon, I'm sure you are confident enough about this story that you don't need praise from people over the Internet that you don't even know. You said that you wanted constructive criticism but when people gave constructive criticism you just came back and argued against it. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being defensive about your work (I am too), but when you WANT constructive criticism, you respectfully and silently take it into consideration.

But if you don't want that, then don't ask for it. Lots of people don't care to have strangers write constructive stuff about their stories (I personally would rather not). If you want to publish the story then go for it. The people here are trying to help you have a better story but if you are already confident about it (which it pretty much seems like you are) then there is no need to ask for help.

Another good way to see if people like it is from the number of readers and subscribers. But only ask for constructive criticism if you're SURE you want it.