As the Sister of Harry Potter - Comments

Dear god... SO SORRY I DIDN'T CONSTANTLY CHECK FOR UPDATES! *sobs slightly* I was really busyy... But I'm back now!:D
Chapter 10: I just realized that the "Geeze! Cedric, you are so annoying! You’re like this guy who’s always around when I don’t need a guy around! You’re this… spare dude, this spare guy. YOU’RE SUCH A SPARE!" is a direct quote from A Very Potter Musical^^ *thumbs up* fits in perfectly.
Chapter 11: Ophilia's dress is my favorite. NOTHING can beat purple. NOTHING. But I relate to Jennifer... Dress? Even for a fancy occasion? Really? Ophilia must have really bullied her into it^^ But Sarlanda has the best accessories (damn. that took me WAY too long to spell out). And she also comes up with some pretty great curses... I'd hate to be on the recieving end of that one *shudders*
Chapter 12: Me no likey Ophilia's OHRS (Obssessive Hopeless Romantic Syndrome). I bet she's glad Harry can't dance eitherXD FEEL THE BURN CYLIANA (that sounds like "silly-ana".... nevermind). Pity some muggle bands can't perform there... Damnit. *sighs* then my dream of Hogwarts would be complete... UNLESS my favorite bands were wizards and witches that is;]
*nods firmly* Lance needs to die. Or be done away with Dementor style. That works too.
Chapter 13: ... Well that was still a very full chapter. All I can say is that they all have pretty awesome music taste.

I really love your rewritten chapters! They're wonderful! Lol sorry you don't get individual comments on each chapter cuz i printed em out so =P
Love ya!

i just finished chapter 50! loved it!

you're doing great! keep it up!

Amazing job so far:] But Brittany's part in the story is starting to receed.

When I first read "“Accio!” said Harry, and a chair flew towards him. He jumped out of its’ path.", I thought "accio" was "achoo" now insert achoo instead of "accio" and see why I laughed:]
Epic way to start it out with DiggoryXD

Reviewing the updates now:] And yes, Jen can be a bitch, but its pretty damn awesomeXD

Reviewing the updates now:] And yes, Jen can be a bitch, but its pretty damn awesomeXD

Story/Review Game:

I thought you summary was kind of weird, the writing was perfectly fine, but the style you chose to write it in looked off to me, it looked more like a poem than a summary. I’m not sure what you were going for, but maybe fix that were you actually have paragraphs and not stanzas.

“Mummy?” the little girl asked softy, on the verge of tears. Lily Potter did not stir, and now her daughter broke down into almost hysterical sobs.” — I liked this line because it showed strength to me, and that this little girl is going to be such a strong character, smart and outgoing. I’m not sure how old she is yet, but I would think she would check on her little brother first and not the mother, but this too shows a strong connection that she truly loved her parents. I’m a fan of Harry Potter, I never read a book, but always loved the movies (way better than Twilight).

I think you’re starting off on a good foot for sure, I loved how you incorporated the dialogue and it fits so perfectly I can hear the crisp sound of each their voices. I also liked the fact that you guided us through her life pretty easily and I thought that was wonderfully done. I felt her orphanage days went by a little fast, but I can see why that wouldn’t be as much important as when she goes to Hogwarts. I don’t read a lot of Harry Potter stories on mibba because I simply just don’t read a lot, nothing to do with the fandom, but this is lovely, m’dear.

I’m glad you re wrote this though, you’re making my job a lot easier I can’t find anything wrong (not that I’m looking) but everything flows, I think I’m not lost so far. I can’t wait when Jennifer finally meets her brother.

“Jennifer Potter!" The hall went deadly silent and Jennifer felt every pair of eyes in the hall zero in on her echoing footsteps as she walked up to the hat, trying to look brave. She let it slip over her eyes when she set it on her head.” — This made it so easy to picture how she felt, every nervous bone in her body dancing, great just great diction. It’s like I’m watching the first Happy Potter movie all over again.

I thought the ending set us up for a great story (as all first chaptered stories should do) but I personally think you delivered.

Definite definite improvement. I'm still waiting for the next, and the choice to re-write the ending there was a good idea.

Keep re-writing it and don't worry:] I'll check up every week or so!

I realised that I never actually finished reading this story. D: I stopped getting alerts so I hadn't realised you'd finished.

BUT DAMN GIRL. THAT ENDING. So bittersweet and so lovely and so unexpected... okay, maybe a little expected because it had to be canon, but still. Sarlanda's fight scene with Lance was amazing - but he's still a stupid twat. Do not like him. Sarlanda's really cool, but I don't think she's my favourite. I really like Ophilia. So probably her.

My next mission is to read That Stupid Little Red-Headed Twit and His Eyes Are As Green As a Fresh Pickled Toad. I can just tell they're amazing. :D

Sarlanda's just gotten a whole 20 degrees colder... But it works:] And I think it was a good idea to introduce Brittany earlier.

Well thats awesome:D Hopefully it'll be easier on your brain to edit then!xD

so, today i've spent probably over 7 hours reading all of this story. every chapter.

it was goddamn amazing, and i can't wait to read a sequel. i'm going to subscribe to the link to the sequel at the top, but if that won't be where it'll be, please let me know!

i'm truly glad i found this. it was amazing. and i still can't believe you had Cedric singing and dancing to 'Sexyback' way back in the beginning. i love you for that XD
oh, and the prank wars - so. hilarious.

so amazing, and its just fantastic. i love it

OH! and how 'Cedric' is in Twilight makes SO much more sense, now! (because no one killed him :P)... just not how he's a "vampire" XP
anyway, I'm babbling D:

hahaha <33333

It's been over a month since you've last editted... *nudge nudge*

Nice update to that chapter!:]

Definate improvement is the re-writing. The bits you've added on helps with the bigger picture too^^

nice ending

WOOHOO! Not that it's over of course. but that you ended it so well and theres a sequel. Oh. Don't worry. I'll be checkin' this summer for the sequel. and ill probably be one of your first subscribers. just becuase it's awesome.