Lucifer's Angel - Comments

Oh yay, an update!
Greatness just like always.
Sorry I'm not much of a commenter.

Loved like always. Update soon?

wow i could only imagine what sort of liquid that was. The ending almost made me cry i was laughing so hard. keep it up(:!

I knew I said I'd stop doing this but seriously... the hair!!!
Why D: D: D: Not knowing stuff is the worst XD

That chapter pretty much blew me away- but not so much that I couldn't see the type on my computer screen.
And I liked the demon description; it was sufficiently sickly. I especially liked it's fleshlessness, somehow I really could see it in my minds eye... which kind of made me wish my mind's vision was a bad as my real vision =/
Brilliant chapter :D

Oh yummy, that green stuff sounds so good. >;P
Great description on the demon by the way. The detail was awesome, I could practically see it and go "cool!"

Haha, well, that was a fun chapter. More soon?

Lol, nice update babe and...thanks for reccing my ADOW story.
I'll help ya fix this story later this week, maybe later today idk.
And, i loved the last line:
I'll never sleep again.
Total win xD

JOB**

Good job!
and thats sounds... repulsive
but i liked it lol :0
GREAT JPB!!!
UPDATE SOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

holy crap xD lol

this story is intensely awesome....I can't wait to read the second chapter ;)
keep going!!!!

Story Review Game - Chapter One

Your summary is very intriguing and interesting, most definitely original. I'm pretty interested to see what it leads into.

It's a hot day here in Chico, California.
- I absolutely love when stories start off with only one line. Full paragraphs always seem so tedious to read through. It's nice when you start off reading a story that hops right into the center of it all.

So many people, so many choices. So much ignorance.
- I can't really give you a good reason as to why, but I really loved this line.

Shall I take that bag of hers now in public or wait till we are more secluded? Do I follow her to her home and rob, and maybe kill, her family? Or shall I drag her away and rape her? Make her scream for the God she foolishly prays to every night? Mmm... yes... destroy her world forever. Oh, the options.
- Okay, now you've got my interest. Original much? I've yet to read a story here or anywhere actually, written in the point of view of the "bad guy" that is actually believable and interesting.

"Your halo! It's almost black! You're going to die! You're going to die... God, help you! Gabriel, help him! Help him... ah!"
- So, I'm completely lost. But I don't care.

So, for the most part of the first section of the chapter I was pretty confused. But it was a good confusion, if that makes sense. You introduced the characters of Luce and Cara perfectly. I liked the correlation between "Luce" and "Lucifer".

"God, help her!" I yelled one last time, before the floorboard I fought so hard to hold onto gave way and we fell into the fire...
- Amazing ending. Seriously. Amazing.

I think you've got a really good idea here. You introduced the characters, the conflict, everything perfectly. Normally when giving a review, you pick up on things that writers could improve upon or tweak to make better, but I sincerely do not have any critism or negative feedback. It was a wonderful first chapter. You included descriptions, dialogue, emotions, imagery, all that good stuff. It was very nice.

Stranger danger! Stranger danger!
You totally got that from Blades of Glory. Good movie.

Well, that was a good update. Worth the wait, and take your time with updating, I really don't mind.
More soon?.... as possible.

Fan-tastic.
I love it so far! Very well written :P (least in my eyes >.>)
hehe, Waiting anxiously for that new chapter!

April, your sense of humor never fails to impress me. I was completely engrossed with the story, only looking away whenever I had to reply to our little... chat. The way you described everything was pretty legit, not overly detailed, but not lacking it either. I'm going to be completely honest, what I loved the most was the humor. Oh, god, the humor.

DragonxFox:

“I’m gonna pretend I haven’t found you yet! But next time I see you I’ll have to pop, a bullet in your ass if you don’t have the money!” Thomas yapped for darting off towards where his buddy had run off too.

OK, here goes again. This time with the comma in the right place.

“I’m gonna pretend I haven’t found you yet! But next time I see you, I’ll have to pop, a bullet in your ass if you don’t have the money!” Thomas yapped for darting off towards where his buddy had run off too.

Mistakes:

It was near sunset by the time Cara and I reached her home. The incidents of the day had me stressed. How can it have been less than 24 hours ago that I became this creature? I used the key taken from the purse I grabbed before leaving to let us in. Before I stepped in after her, I looked behind myself again. I noticed two shadowed figures standing down the street from us. Both were scarily still. They were me and my saint.

“Thomas Grady,” I grunted out as I stood before me…

I looked at him funny. I have only one so-called friend in V.C. Norte, and Thomas was not him. Tom is the hang’s comedic relief. The boy is never serious, so his behavior right now is disturbing.

“I’m gonna pretend I haven’t found you yet! But next time I see you I’ll have to pop, a bullet in your ass if you don’t have the money!” Thomas yapped for darting off towards where his buddy had run off too.

“God blessed us today,” Cara started as we walked cautiously toward her home. I glanced at her before looking up at the blue sky where this God character must reside. That… entity ticks me off. God blessed us. Right. He’s probably sitting back watching us with a beer gut or busy arm wrestling with Satan.

Ok, that's all I found.
Good update
=]

Great job!!!!:)
I loved the new chapter!
I can't wait to see what happens next
UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!

^ ^ both!

Oh shoot :shifty

Should I run away or hide?

^ ^ ^
yay, and I'm glad you are a fan! :arms:
And now that I think about it... I should have described the demons... oh well. They'll come around again and then I'll go into more detail. :tehe:

Story/Review Game

Firstly, wow, this is incredibly original: I've never seen anything like it before. Even though I'm far from religious in any way, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. And even though the story/review game only asked for one chapter, I've read all three.

I think it’s the characters that have won me over. Especially Luce. I love how he is the ‘bad guy’ who doesn’t seem to give a shit about anybody and when he does find himself caring for someone, he doesn’t get all mushy about it. It makes it very real. You get his frustration and anger across very well too. It makes me wonder why he’s so angry.

And Cara. Though she believes Luce can do good, she doesn’t quite trust him to do so, which I also find very real.

The conversations with both God and Lucifer were very well written. I love how they both started: “I heard that.” is almost humorous and, “My turn.” effectively changed the calm atmosphere back to the sinister one instantaneously.

One of the only two negatives I have is that I’m not a fan of underlining in stories. Or bolding, for that matter (except using it for God’s and Lucifer’s speech). The reader knows, for example, that stabbing is a horrible thing without the word being bolded for them.

The other negative is that the demons weren’t described. The appearance of demons varies wildly from story to story so I really didn’t know what to visualise in my head.

Apart from that, I enjoyed it greatly, and will definitely be subscribing =]

^ lmao