Lucifer's Angel - Comments

^Sorry :oops: I'll try harder in the future XD

Something Sweet:

^I know! Luce needs to rub off on her a bit :tehe:
But aww, poor Cara.
And I really want to know why she had to cut her hair, I know it's gonna be interesting :)

Shh! Stop catching on about the hair thing :tehe:
:XD

^I know! Luce needs to rub off on her a bit :tehe:
But aww, poor Cara.
And I really want to know why she had to cut her hair, I know it's gonna be interesting :)

Masterpiece:

She's too good for her own good. I mean... She wants to leave the hospital, but she won't.... :crazy: God help her! :XD

The curse of being a good person :lmfao

She's too good for her own good. I mean... She wants to leave the hospital, but she won't.... :crazy: God help her! :XD

The title isn't something that really catches your attention. It's sounds much too common. You see it everywhere, all over Quizilla, all over this site...everywhere. It's sort of like the typical "go-to" title if you're writing a demon/vampire story...you know?

I'm not a fan of the layout. It's not very pretty, I understand that you're most likely going for a dark feel, but the pictures don't really help but give it a sort of crowded look.

I see your former title and personally I think that sounds much better than what you have now.

no longer focuses, I think you wanted no longer focused

world, life is just life. Don't quote me on this but I think there should be a semicolon after world.

Cara Spell is a girl whose eyes can see the darkness that envelopes the general human. This sentence does not flow very well. It sounds awkward and lengthy.

a rats ass if, this should be a rat's ass seeing as he doesn't care for the rat's ass.

I'm only going to read the first chapter, unless you want another one read.

The chapter title is fine, I'm not sure if the quotation marks are necessary though. OK should be spelled out to okay.

It's a hot day here in Chico, California., this isn't exactly the best way to draw in a reader. It's not a typical sentence which is good, but it's not a sentence that flows or gives attention to...which is bad.

way of spotting pray., I think you wanted prey not pray.

I don't think you should underline words. If you want them to make some sort of different effect, italicize them instead.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck!, put a comma after every fuck besides the last one.

I liked this story. I found it to be interesting and unique. Not what I was expecting given your title. Like I said the title puts off a sort of 'go-to' title for certain types of stories, and this wasn't one of those stories. You are obviously very creative in your writing. You just need to put that effort in your layout and title.

Otherwise I like it much. Hope this review helped. :tehe:

Alphabet Soup:

Ah don't worry about it... It keeps things interesting... and I found out I wasn't as tired as I though I was. I read the other two chapters and I enjoyed it. You have a good sense of humor. Funny stuff.
Well, anyway... good luck with this story of yours
*subscribed*

Really?!
I'm so happy you like it :arms: :arms: :arms:
It's not a 'good' sense of humor, it's a 'dark' sense of humor :tehe:

Aprilette:

m3gAn:

Alphabet Soup:

I'm glad you enjoyed it Megan!

And thank you for checking it out Alphabet :hug:. Sorry you didn't like the literally being dragged to hell thing, but I hope you do like the story as it goes along. :cute:

Ah don't worry about it... It keeps things interesting... and I found out I wasn't as tired as I though I was. I read the other two chapters and I enjoyed it. You have a good sense of humor. Funny stuff.
Well, anyway... good luck with this story of yours
*subscribed*

m3gAn:

Alphabet Soup:

I'm glad you enjoyed it Megan!

And thank you for checking it out Alphabet :hug:. Sorry you didn't like the literally being dragged to hell thing, but I hope you do like the story as it goes along. :cute:

DragonxFox:

:shifty
I'm a review/edit your story soon.
Chapter three has a few mistakes but it was cools. Poor Luce, lol.

:arms: Why Luce? Luce has always had issues. Why not poor Cara? :XD

:shifty
I'm a review/edit your story soon.
Chapter three has a few mistakes but it was cools. Poor Luce, lol.

I saw that you posted this on the Up, Down, and All Around thread and I was like sure why not, so I read it.

Wasn't bad for a first chapter. I'll get to the other two later... tomorrow -so tired- anyway, it wasn't bad for a first chapter but I really didn't like how it was literally being "dragged into hell". Even you said it through your writing that it was like some bad Sci-Fi movie. But, that's how you want the story to go, so I can't argue with that.

GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D
i loved it
i feel bad for cara though
UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Something Sweet:

I tried to properly review but communication eludes me right now.
So I'll say that I liked the way you structured chapter two, and your clever usage of tenses (which I didn't notice till the second time I read it through...)

I also really liked the last line -All we could do, is breathe.- it made me feel Luce's anger and despair, and it made me endlessly sorry for the both of them, but also made me desperate for more.

Finally:

Just before I blacked out, I let my finger slide up and I flipped off the dick.

Now I wanna do that too =]

Yay, new fan! :arms:
I'm glad you enjoy this story! I'll have ch 3 up 98% sure tomorrow

AimiAiko:

I must say I saw this story a few times in the last few days, but wasn;t really sure of it, until your friend told me that I might like it since I enjoyed her story, and I must say she was right.

Usually though I don't read stories with only a chapter or two done, but I must say I'm glad I read this one. It was very original and it just kept making you want to read on. Something like the Ture Blood series. lol.

Any who, very nice story and I can not wait for a update on this one and see what is going to happen next. Keep it up and please finish it to the end!

I'm so happy you like it! I have that same tendency, I like reading stories that have quite a few chapters posted already.
But I tend to post this one about once a week.

I must say I saw this story a few times in the last few days, but wasn;t really sure of it, until your friend told me that I might like it since I enjoyed her story, and I must say she was right.

Usually though I don't read stories with only a chapter or two done, but I must say I'm glad I read this one. It was very original and it just kept making you want to read on. Something like the Ture Blood series. lol.

Any who, very nice story and I can not wait for a update on this one and see what is going to happen next. Keep it up and please finish it to the end!

I tried to properly review but communication eludes me right now.
So I'll say that I liked the way you structured chapter two, and your clever usage of tenses (which I didn't notice till the second time I read it through...)

I also really liked the last line -All we could do, is breathe.- it made me feel Luce's anger and despair, and it made me endlessly sorry for the both of them, but also made me desperate for more.

Finally:

Just before I blacked out, I let my finger slide up and I flipped off the dick.

Now I wanna do that too =]

m3gAn:

i really like your story
its SUPER good.
one of my friends and well i guess yours told me to read it
and i LOVE it
*suscribes*
UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, DragonxFox(Brigette) is my best friend in real life so we like to support each other :hug:

I'm so happy you like! I'll post ch 3 tomorrow, I hope you enjoy it!

Rainie Take Me Home:

holy shit! see i love how long the chapters are. and the topic you chose to write about is so damn good. this should be an actual book haha. I'm loving it so far, update for my sake and the sake of society!

Lmao! :arms:
I try to update every tuesday so it should be up tomorrow :XD
And yeah, I'm trying to keep each chapter long and consistent in length :cute:
I'm glad you like it!

holy shit! see i love how long the chapters are. and the topic you chose to write about is so damn good. this should be an actual book haha. I'm loving it so far, update for my sake and the sake of society!