Heartbeat - Comments

*New Reader*

I just finished reading the whole thing and it's amazing, seriously.

You really are one of the most talented authors on here, without a doubt, and it's sad that this story doesn't have the billion comments that it deserves.

Sorry my comment was delayed, I read the update, completely loved it, then never got to comment on it, so i'm sorry about that.
Why is this one story so captivating? What do you do that makes me love this story with a greater bond than most of the ones i read? Why does it almost completely take over my life? Why do I feel a rush of excitement when i see an update?

these questions may never be answered because the only words that can answer it is the ones that make up your story. It's surreal. What you have written is unbelievable.

Why you have three stars right now is a mystery. You deserve all of them, the way you bring out the chapters. It made me so sad to see Frank's Valentines Day going not so well, but what did i expect? Gerard is a horrible person, and i can barely stand what he's doing to Frank. If nothing happens to Gerard soon, it'll be bad, because Frank will barely have a chance of survival.

Gerard's 'Love" letter really crushed me. But once again, this is Gerard. But I wish he'd open up his feelings. Really, how cold hearted could one person possobly be? They way you pare these two; the sensitive and indestructalble, up is just breath-taking read about.

And last, and the most important, i decline to believe it was a prank love note. Somewhere in my heart, i'm being screamed at that Frank does have someone that's in love with him. He does I swear it....

update soon. It's really and truly amazing.

Okay, here I go again…

I can look at all the mouths and lips smashing up against each other in a forest of pink paper cutout hearts and chocolate truffles, and it reminds me of some kind of African area with all the animals smashing up against each other, teeth gnawing and claws slicing through flesh and blood curdling up onto the surrounding bushes, while the eagles begin to fly around in circles, hovering over the decomposing carcass.

I am seriously getting weird in the head…

Something clicked in me as I read that paragraph. I don’t know what the hell it was, but I know I was thinking “This chick is a wicked mastermind.” I would have never been able to come up with such metaphors and usages like that. Once again you’ve proven to me that it doesn’t matter how young you are, you can still right a kick ass narrative without cliche aspects.

By the time I get to my locker at the end of the day, there are two notes taped to it. My stomach drops down into my butt. I swallow vomit that regurgitates back up my trachea. I peel off the first note, which is nothing more than a simple note card folded once into a card. I open it up and don’t recognize the handwriting. I read the lettering.

‘I wish I could tell you how much I like you…’

I raise an eyebrow. I look all over the card. No signature. No return address. It is most definitely not Gerard’s handwriting.

I look around. Is this a joke? Does anybody even know I exist to be able to pull a prank on me? This is just something one of the football players is doing to make me look stupid. Or some weird, older kid that nobody likes who just goes around freaking people out.

I crumple up the note and toss it into the trash, not wanting to dwell on it. I take the second note. Most definitely Gerard’s. It is not a Valentine’s Day card, or even a card. Simply a folded-up piece of lined paper telling me to come over after school. No scribbled in hearts or smiley faces. Just words. Black pen. I breathe in deep through my nose. Valentine’s Day is for lovers. He doesn’t usually translate things that are for lovers very well.

There is just something about those few paragraphs that I strangely admire. At first I felt kinda excited for Frank because he got a love letter and all. But then I was like “It’s probably just a prank or something”. And after he read what Gerard had written, I immediately felt sorry for him again. What kind of boyfriend doesn’t show you love and appreciation on Valentine’s Day? Okay, I do admit watching other people slobber all over each other’s mouths is quite disgusting, but I know I would feel completely unloved and unappreciated if I were Frank in that situation.

After reading yet another semi-rape scene, I feel sick to my stomach. It’s amazing how you can make me feel content, then poignant, then angry, then upset, then confused, then heartbroken all in one fucking chapter.

You should be proud of yourself.

I'm speechless. There's no need for me to write another page-long comment.
I am all out of words to explain my love for this story.

"I wait until Hannah is at a friend’s house and Mom and Dad are at work, before I trudge out into my backyard and stand there in the frozen winter wonderland and let out the biggest, loudest, eeriest scream I can muster. I scream until my eyes water up and my throat stings and my chest hurts and by the time I’m done screaming when I lose my voice, I realize that I’m still alone. Nobody has come out of their homes or poked their heads out of their front doors to see what that sound was. I am still alone. I’ve screamed so loud people in Iceland should have been able to hear and then I look around and see nobody heard it. I scream into the snow until I literally can’t not open my mouth without a sting of pain wrenching through my esophagus.

Nobody hears it but me. "

You just murdered me. You completely took the sharpest blade you could find to my skin, then slashed up my body from the inside out, until you finished the job. Then you left my paralized on the dead ground.
From the beginning of the story, it's been chewing at me, and now it just bit at its fullest. I feel like nothing.
But it was made in the kind of beauty that's rare to find

The way Frank is filles with such an emotionless character makes it rub out on me, the way you have it described percisly and how you can sculpt his non-feelings in diamond, with no flaws in it. I'm just amazed at how well and seductive you get your words down as.

i can't begin to explain how i feel about your story. I'm soul-less for a long time after i get done with your work. Just incredable

i almost feel like it's a dream
update soon

From first word to last, that chapter had me in its grasp. If Christmas was ever that unsentimental for me, I don’t know what I’d do. Probably commit suicide or something, but I don’t like clichés. Anyway, I still can’t believe how much I’ve been drawn into this story.

I wake up on Christmas Day to the sound of silence. The snow wisps down from the sky outside and nobody is awake but me.

Addictive opener.

I cup my hands over my ears and listen to the blood sliding through the veins inside of my head and fall asleep to the sound of it.

Addictive closer. I love how you started the chapter off with him awakening and ended it by him falling asleep again. Impressive. I’m still mesmerized reading this because the words and emotion you seem to create behind the words is addictive to the max, and I always find myself wanting more.

I pull my reflection back out of the closet and sit on the nothing-colored floor. I look closely at this person’s eyes. They have no color, like underwear washed so many times they’re just raw and stale. They are nothing more than dark and baggy raccoon eyes. His hair is greasy. He needs to wash it more; he spends too much time trying to find good ways to get some sleep in without having nightmares, instead of following through with proper hygiene etiquette. He smiles, just to see what it looks like. Pitiful. A counterfeit smile. And it looks horrible. The kind of forced grin your mother tells you to put on for school pictures.

I shake the image of this kid’s face out of my head. I take the mirror downstairs into the kitchen, and toss it into the trash.

Beautiful wording. You hook the reader in at the very beginning until they are addicted and in awe after they've finished reading the entire chapter. Any story that can make me laugh and bawl like a fool is definite satisfactory. This story is no exception, considering as I'm reading this story, it feels like I’m actually reading a best-seller.

Literally astounding.

I remember you saying that if you didn’t add a little humor to the serious things like murder or suicide, the world would be the dull. I love how this story is an excellent example of that. What Frank is going through is definitely serious, but the way you make it sound darkly humorous is indescribable.

I loved how you used all those fact things as Frank was basically being raped by Gerard, it was really creative and made me start to smile, just a little, until we got back to Frank's forced sex, then I started to get glossy eyes again.
I really just want Frank to heal and stand up for his life. I don't want him to die. I don't want Frank to go through this. =[
You are such an incredable person as well as a writer
updat soon

I really want to smack Gerard
give him a taste of his own medicine

Alright, the last sentance scares me a little bit. I could feel Frank's pain in this chapter. Fortunatley, I didn't cry. Although my eyes were very watery as I was reading this, and I know for sure it wasn't my contacts. I know I have said this about a million fucking times, but it'd be pointless NOT to say it when it's true. You, and everything you write is amazing. I just can't get over it. The metaphors you use are incredibly deep and addictive. I can't even begin to tell you have many times I've thought "Damn. How does she come up with that?" This story is way too real to be fiction. Period. Never have I read something this...true...aside from Choke. Another story that is seriously lacking the proper amount of recognition.

Though it still pisses me off, point being said, please keep it up. Whether you know it or not, there are definatley some people that look up to your writing and wish they had half the talent of coming up with a brilliant masterpeice like this.

:D

When Frank started to hang himself up there, I just about burst into tears, because I really care about this Frank you have here. I really don't want him to suicide, that'd cause my heart to give out. I want him to stand up to Gerard.
Oh jeeze, Gerard. He is so amazingly HORRIBLE, I'd love to see him beaten up and get caught in a coma, or die. Then I'll find him and we can prance around in glee because the evil destroyer is gone.
The only thing about Frank suiciding that I'd be glad about is that he gets out of this cruel place, and hopefully to an enjoyable area where he can be happy and away from /Gerard/.
update soon

What a crappy Thanksgiving, huh? I gotta be honest, the pit of my stomach was aching whilst I was reading the last ending paragraphs of this chapter. The way you managed to grab the reader's attention on the whole 'cant commit suicide thing' was R.E.M.A.R.K.A.B.L.E. Don't get me wrong, I'll be reduced to tears if Frank kills himself. But I hate that he just sits there like a piece of tin and takes in all the abuse. Although I am pretty fucking sure, this is only the beginning of the whole abuse scheme.Gerard needs to have his nuts ripped out or something then maybe he won't wanna fuck, then maybe he'll leave Frank alone.

Pfft. Doubt it.

Oh, and I loved it when Hannah said grace, you had me snickering like a fool. This story needs more fucking recognition cause I'm starting to get pissed. I hate watching the realistic, raw, edgy stories get shit on, and the really not-so-good MCRsavedmylife bullshit stories get the attention.

Update soon. :D I'm looking forward to it.

Agree totally with Tainted.

So very well thought out and planned, yet it just flows.

Poor, poor Frankie. I'll have to go pick up some 'mo choco for him.

and flick some into Gerards eyes so he goes blind.

By fucking chocolate. How creative. XD

-Kristaa
<33333

I wish I was smarter.
I wish I was cooler.
I wish I had actual friends.
I wish Gerard’s car crashes the next time he gets drunk.
I wish my parents would get a divorce already so we don’t have to keep watching them pretend to love each other.
I wish I had the willpower of somebody brave.
I wish I could step out of this body and live in someone else’s for a day.
I wish for a bus to show up in our driveway to take me all the way to Arizona.

I close my eyes and breathe in the scent of fire and melting cake frosting.

I wish it would all stop.

Pure genius. Your descriptions make the story worth reading. I hate how some authors don't give a fuck, and just say the most random things they can come up with. This is the complete opposite. You can tell just by reading how much time and effort you put into your writing. It's raw, it's depressing and makes you think about things you sometimes don't wanna think about.

god. I can't take this. You're such a telented writer and i just wish I could let you know how much i care for this story and that it has probobly changed my life forever. I can't stop my love from flowing for this i couldn't live without it =] i think i'd have missed out on a lot if i didn't read this =]
update soon

As usual, you have managed to get me to believe I'm reading somebody's diary. The whole thing is real. I know it's fiction, but the way it's clarified as an ordeal in somebody’s life makes the whole thing seem realistic like it can happen to anybody. And let me say for the record, I am desperately feeling for Frank right now. I know what he must be feeling and the whole suicide conspire, dude, makes me wanna fucking wrap my arms around Frank and sing him to sleep.

You have kicked my current favorite story on this site in the ass, and now HeartBeat is my NEW favorite. Bravo. Update soon-ish.

Wow. I feel week after reading this and I'm about to burst out crying.
I feel entirley saddened by what's happening to Frank and I wish I could make it stop. I'm hating Gerard so much in this story
but, Frank, no! Don't kill yourself I don't want you toooo -cries-
UPDATE

Sleep deprivation didn't deter me from reading the updates. Be proud.

As good as it always is...Poor Frankie, geez.

-Kristaa
<33333

I love how you portrayed his life at school the way you did. I could totally imagine and understand all that stuff happening to Frank as I was reading it which made it easier to comprehend. Also, the ending of this chapter was magnificent. How Frank was studying himself in the mirror and not seeing any positive qualities about himself. I also try to put myself in Frank’s shoes as I read this because it makes the story more real for me. I’m not sure if anyone else ever does that as they read a story, but like fuck, I do.

Great update. :D