Paper Hearts - Comments

Thanks! The Office is my favorite show too, and I'm also a fan of Jim and Pam, but I must say that I liked the tension between them when they weren't together better than the lovey doveyness of them now that they are together.

If that many any sense...

Yay! I love The Office. It's my favourite sitcom on TV. But my favourite part is Jim and Pam... so I'm kind of hesitant about your story. Just kidding. So far it's really well written, and I look forward to seeing where you take it from here.

Thanks, I tried to improve upon the description of the characters with the last update, but reading back over it, I realize that I agree with you.

Great update. The only thing I can say, to agree with the other chick, is that I don't watch the office, so I have no idea what these characters look like. But I'm reallyt digging the story:)

Thanks for your help, I'm really going to try to work on what you said.

Okay, well I finished reading through both chapters and now I'm gonna offer you some con-crit. There were only a few minor spelling errors in the first chapter where you left a letter out so you might want to run it through a spell check ifg you want to change it. Other than that, your grammar is basically perfect. I really liked the description of Autumn and how it signals change - which is a big thing in Jana's life right now.

However, one thing that a lot of fanfic writer's forget to do (including me) is describe the characters. Especially if people are going to be reading it who aren't fans of The Office (I had to look up each character to see what they looked like as they were introduced into the story. Now I'm not talking full on descriptions, just tiny subtle ones here and there, since you've already introduced a bunch of characters already and it's only on the second chapter.

I think the dialogue is okay, but I'm not really getting to know enough about Jana since there's not enough indication of how she's feeling. I don't feel connected to her as a character and I hope that this is something that can be worked on for future chapters.

I do like how Jana is instantly attracted to Jim when she first sees him and I'm wondering what could possible happen between the two of them in the future.

Overall, I do think you are a good writer, but there are a few things you might need to improve on.

Thanks!

Aw, I like it a lot.

Thanks!

Yeah it's Ryan, but that was gonna be in the next chapter!

I liked this... it's interesting. I love The Office so I'm definitely intrigued. (As long as Jana doesn't end up with Jim. Then I may have to shank you...)

But I doubt it, since Jim couldn't have been "attractive guy" since Jim is out... is it Ryan?

Oh... I don't think I like you that much anymore.