Im so confused, does it go in the past back and forward? i feel like i missed 3 chapters. Besides that Can you get to the point like you wrote, everything else is awesome
But now, I was done feeling awkward and helpless. As soon as my game was over, I'd get the bastard. I'd do almost anything to get back him. You need an at
"Nah, someone like you isn't worth my time. Go back and play fetch the soccer ball. When you're ready to fight, come tell me." With the soccer ball?
Ok, I'm gonna be a problem spotter (cause I'm waiting for the maple story patch to finish)
"Her body pressed against mine, her lips pressed against my ear as she whispered dirty things to me." The word pressed is awkwardly overused here. Maybe "brushing against my ear..." would be better?
"Her hands running through my hair, making me want to purr in delight." Verb confusion. "ran through my hair"
"My face barely avoided crashing into the red bricks of the wall, my hands placed in front of me." Um.. semi-colon rather than coma?
Ok, I'm gonna be a problem spotter (cause I'm waiting for the maple story patch to finish)
"Her body pressed against mine, her lips pressed against my ear as she whispered dirty things to me." The word pressed is awkwardly overused here. Maybe "brushing against my ear..." would be better?
"Her hands running through my hair, making me want to purr in delight." Verb confusion. "ran through my hair"
"My face barely avoided crashing into the red bricks of the wall, my hands placed in front of me."
This story is... different. I kind of like it though. You should continue it. Umm... I can't think of any comments or critizisms other than that, but I hope this was somewhat helpful.
This story makes my day (: