Like A.M. Radio - Comments

They're so awkward around each other, it's kind of hilarious. Love to see a new chapter to this! :)

The first thing that I noticed, when I opened the link to this story, was a very good looking boy haha. I’m a picky reader; don’t take it personally, so the background didn’t strike my fancy. However, I like that you used it in a way that didn’t clutter the story and make it difficult to read.

I like how you gave us a background of Kandi without making it seem like a boring biography. You didn’t transition nicely from Kandi to Logan. You just sort of started a new paragraph and began following him for a moment.

Anyway, you’ve done something I’ve never been able to do. You were able to make your character sounds very professional, like you were playing the role and not her. I envy you for that.

Now, I’m actually going to subscribe, because I’m really interested.

Story Review Game

As you requested, I'm reviewing chapter seven: Sudden Death in Carolina.

I do enjoy BTR and Logan is my second favorite, so this shall be enjoyable. Once I finish reviewing this, I'll more than likely go back to read chapters 1-6. I usually don't like reading out of order, but it's whatever floats your boat, not mine. :)

Moving on to the layout, it's alright, but not my favorite. I don't like the way the background repeats like that. And green just isn't my cup of tea. But I do enjoy the banner. Logan, you must agree, is nice to look at. (; I do enjoy the font - Georgia is usually the only font I use. I'm just fond of it. It's sophisticated looking and it adds to the layout.

The first thing Logan thought as he woke up was did last night really happen or was it just another crazy dream again? As he rubbed at his dark brown eyes, he was certain none of that had really happened.

This is fantastic opening, it really grabs my attention and makes me want to read on. A narative hook, it's called. It makes questions raise in my mind and it makes me want to read on. Narative hooks are such beautiful techniques that some people, like you, know how to use to your advantage and make them work greatly.

That one jello shot with Alex had probably somehow fucked up his thought process

:o Logan using dirty words and doing jello shots?! Haha, I just didn't see that one coming. I like it, though. It makes him seem more real than they seem to be on the show - this Logan clearly isn't for children.

The breath he had just inhaled reeked of perfume and hair products, and he almost gagged at its intensity.

This is such beautiful description. I can almost smell perfume, hairspray, and what-not. Legit, I got a weird feeling in my throat like I was getting ready to gag, myself. I love that. And if I had actually gagged, I would have enjoyed it even more. I want to feel and expierence what characters are feeling when I read. And I certainly am already.

Everything that had happened last night was completely real.

Well, I'm going to have to go back and read becuase I want to know what happened! You make it seem so suspensful and I want to know if Logan got some nookie!

After all, Kandi had said that she had been looking for him all night

Wait, it just said Kaci a couple of sentences up. . . I'm thinking that these are different people, but I can't be sure. D:

and that had to mean something, even if she was drunk and had a boyfriend. There still had to be something there, right?

Oooh, she's a hozy? No one likes a hozy. Hopefully she's not, but that's the impression I'm getting from her.

He couldn’t believe that he had told her everything last night, everything about Kendall, everything about his mom and dad’s divorce, everything about his hopes and dreams, even everything about his fears. He had never told anyone most of those things, not even his best friend Kendall.

Well, obviously, he didn't get any nookie. Anyway, the last sentence sounds a little. . .odd to me. The part where it says 'not even his best friend Kendall' it makes me think of that AT&T commercial where the girl says she's texting her BFF Jill. I don't know. Perhaps you could put 'his best friend' or just Kendall.

He just felt so awkward putting himself out there like that, and he had found more comfort in confessing to a drunk girl than he had ever expected. It was as if he was in one of those dumb troubled teen movies, and this “huge weight” had been “lifted off his shoulders.”

I really sympathize with Logan right here. It's awesome being able to know what the character is feeling like; I don't feel that a lot, but I certainly did here. I love how you have "huge weight" and "lifted off his shoulders" in quotes, because saying 'Oh, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders when I finally told someone everything about my blahblahblah' is so cliche.

He had still made out with her at that party, and the shit was bound to hit the fan at some point.

I love you. When someone says that the shit it the fan or the shit is going to hit the fan, it makes my insides scream with happiness. I'm not sure why, but I love that expression.

Thomas hung his head, but Logan could still see his body tremble with rage.

For some reason, this line really stuck out to me. I'm not sure why, but it did. The description is lovely.

Before Logan had a chance to join his friend, he was met by a blow to the face.

“That’s for fucking my girlfriend.”

WAIT, Logan did get nookie?! Or is ol' Tommy Boy mistaken here? Oh the drama.

Once again, Logan knew; he just didn’t really care.

This was an excellent ending to an excellent chapter.

Overall, I haven't the slightest clue what the actual fuck is going on in this, but I loved this chapter. You portray emotions very well and your descriptions are very vivid, yet not to the fact that I'm getting sick of reading nothing but detail of what someone looks like or how someone feels. You've got just the right amount. I did not find any spelling or Grammar mistakes, and I commend you greatly on this. I love anyone who can appreciate spelling and Grammar. You've got a really intersting story here so far, and I'll be going back to read the rest very soon. I like all of the drama that was in this chapter. It really made me want to read on. You've got a knack for writing; don't let it fade. <3

Oh, and I forgot to mention the title. It's really intriguing.

Do update soon, doll face, and I wish you the best of luck with this story. <3

Layout: Nice job using all the colors from the background for your banner. The picture of the guy, though, seems pretty low-quality, though, around the face and arms. I'm probably a little too critical with graphics because I'm a perfectionist when it comes to making them for layouts and it carries over. Anyway, the banner wont really effect how I'll think of the story. I'm going to be reading chapter one.

Chapter One:

From the first few paragraphs, you seemed a bit wordy. "Today she was the face of Wofford College, but how could she convince anyone to want to go there if she didn’t want to go there herself?" and She had fallen in love with Wofford College after first visiting it when she’d been accepted. It was only the spring semester of her freshman year, and that love had already begun to fade. Really, this almost turned me away from continuing to read this. I'm sure I can be a little wordy at times but only depending on the character. Here, it just seems like too much is going on and it sounds pretty bad read out loud. I think I can get the gist of what you're saying, though. I think this'd be better if you cleaned it up a bit.

The transition between Kandi and Logan was not done well. Really, I was like "what" when I saw the name Logan. It was far too abrupt. It'd be better if you more or less let Kandi fade before you introduced Logan instead of, how do I say this... Well, a good simile would be you cut off Kandi by slamming a door in her face. It was just really, really awkward. (Sorry if I sound harsh).

“Awesome.” Genevieve faintly smiled at the older girl. What could she possibly have in common with a girl like Kandi, a girl that gave peppy tours and wore madras printed sundresses and Rainbow flip flops? Groan. This is a really cliche line. I've seen it a million times. Now I'm under the impression that this is going to be a chick flick kind of thing where both girls go for the guy and hate each other. An automatic pressing of the back button if this weren't a review.

Question: who's Thomas? The last few lines completely threw me off.

In general

-Avoid being too wordy.
-Create a clearer focus. I don't get where you're going with this at all.
-Transition/introduce characters better.
-Show don't tell.
-Strong description'd be nice.

---

I understand that this is your writing style and that it's hard to not be cliche in these times, so I wouldn't say that this is horrible. It has good potential. Oh and, don't take what I've said too personally and I hope I didn't come off as rude or cruel.

I really like this layout, it's really pretty :)
So, she likes science I'm guessing haha
Is this a real college? Or is it made up?
I like how you singled out Logan as kind of the cute quiet one
while the rest are really outgoing, and they like girls a lot haha
I like how Kandi is really confident, and goes up to him
I like Kandi's personality as well, she seems like a fun, bubbly character
I'm kind of interested in why Kandi liked the sound of Thomas's name
Maybe theyre going out or something? I don't know, just a guess.
As usual, a very well written BTR story :)

i have no idea who big time rush are (my sister does, i think? xD) but uh . . . wow. i feel like i've just been smacked in the face with good writing, i'm so dumbstruck at how pretty you manage to write. your phrases and words and uuuuugggghhhh, it's like poetry when it's not. you have a real talent :3

The relationship between Kandi and Thomas seems really innocent and honest. I like the cracks about her family, and how he can guess who she’s talking to over the phone.

The only thing she despised about living on the bottom floor of Greene was that it was a basement floor, so she got no cell phone reception whatsoever. She had to go upstairs or outside to have contact with the world.

I feel like this little part above made Kandi a real, 3-D person to me. It just gave her a little something...more?

The fact that they’re frat boys, and sorority girls makes me laugh, it’s kind of like a Legally Blonde thing going on, with the close relationships, the knowing everything about everyone and the tight-knit gossip.

But then they’re studying and taking science...?

The ending has a lot of foreshadowing which is really great for a second chapter because its goal is to introduce the characters and set a the reader with a theory of what will happen.

I can’t honestly say that there’s anything in here I dislike.

Great work!

I've only watched like, one episode of Big Time Rush before. I love the thought of the title, like AM Radio. My sister's boyfriend listens to it, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. PEOPLE STILL DO.
I never do, but whatever.

The first chapter, I'll admit, bored me a tad. Whenever I read something, I always like the whole in your face thing better, because I get lazy and reluctant to read things really quickly. It's really bad, I know, but hearing about colleges didn't quite pique my interest. I do like how it's about college kids though, I find that mostly it's highschool kids, so that was sort of cool.

As it progressed it did get a lot more interesting. It's sort of simple and cute, which I like. It's funny too, and I find a lot of stories now always skip the humour. And I like humour, y'know? :D

There aren't these giant HOLY CRAP THIS WORLD'S GOING TO END problems, which I like. Realistic, you could say. Kandi's character is pretty interesting, I think she'd my favourite so far, along with Logan. Anyways, it's a really good story.

Hi! I'm so, so sorry for the delay in commenting >.< My internet absolutely hates me. Anyways, I really love the first chapter. And I know that you said not to comment on the first chapter, but I couldn't not read it, hahah! I love how she's all enthusiastic about talking to these eager parents, but inside, she's all oh, god, please kill me xD And I also really like Logan. That's the guy in the banner, right? Someone else in the comments said he's from Three Eyes Blind? Hmm, I'm not really sure who they are, but honestly, this is amazing without knowing who they are xD Anyways, I love the part in the cafe and how awkward they are, haha! It made me laugh.
So I'm not a huge fanfic/fandom fan, but I'm totally subbing to this. This is amazing. :D I'll give you a better comment when I can (: <3

Might've been you or someone else, but I've already told somebody I'm so not into Nick/Disney stars anymore. But I think not knowing a lot about Big Time Rush gives me a better sort of unbiased view on your stories, yeah? Does that make sense?

I still love your writing, like I've said every other time I've read your stories. I liked your intro, even if it was a bit short. Your characters feel so real and now I can't stop picturing a college campus. You always leave me wanting more :)

I really need to go listen to this band or something.
You have so many stories about them it's ridikulus.

I adore the title, it's so...it just really fits this genre.
Bandfic, meaning, even though this is like...a television show fix...whatever.

Any who. The story is really well written. You know how much I adore your writing abilities. And seriously, I think this might be one of my favorite pieces you've written. How have I not read it yet?

LOVIT(:
Haha. I like how Kandi and Gen appear in seperate stories (Days like Masquerades)
Cute story.
Your writing is utterly awesome(:
Keep it up!

Hmm, I don't watch Big Time Rush, but I like what I've read so far. :)
Your writing is great!
Keep up the good work!

Fucking love the title.
And whoever that boy is.
He's beautiful.
Very well done.
I look forward to cowriting naughty scenes with you.

I love your layout, banner and everything about this. Logan is such a cutie here. (: Lovely job!

[: wow this story seems cute and I like the long description. makes me wonder! :D

I like big time Rush...not a huge fan but there pretty good.
But the story is really good. You keep me intrested lol!

:}

I LOVE this! You portray your characters amazingly. Overall the story is really great (: update soon

I'm not a big fan of Big Time Rush,
but I'm really into this.

I can't wait to see where this goes. <3

I've just started, but I like it. I don't really know what 'Big Time Rush' is, but you're doing a good job of keeping me interested, despite that.