Restless Dreams - Comments

There are no words in the english or french dictionary that explains what I am feeling towards this story. I didn't find ANY mistakes! I love your style of writing! BRAVO!

For not writing for a year, this is beyond amazing. Well, it's amazing whether you haven't written or not.

I liked the title and the layout. Though the black background with the light text seemed a little bright, but it was alright. The banner was really pretty too.

I would pick out parts that I liked, but then I would have to copy the whole drabble in here. x]
Really, it was amazing. The way you described everything made it feel very dreamy and awesome. I almost wanted her to wake up so that little glimmer of hope she had would come through, but I liked how it ended.

Very good job (:

My comment's going to pale in comparison to those of the peoples above me, but I'll give it a shot.
This drabble was pretty darn amazing. It was very dark and interesting. I don't have any criticism to offer other than to keep doing what it is that you do when you do it :).

First off, I want to say that I think this is terrific. I love it.

Both the beginning and ending lines were powerful. And I really love that in a story.

It was short, but I felt that every word was meaningful and had a purpose. It also has a descriptiveness that is pleasing to the eye. Your metaphors make me envious. No kidding. Although it is so short, when I read this I can produce a vivid image in my mind.

There's something in the writing style.. It feels like a dream. Well, more like a nightmare, but you get my point. I'm guessing that's what you were aiming for, right?

I actually don't have any criticism for it. The grammar/spelling/punctuation is on the dot as far as I can tell, and the writing itself is fabulous.

I absolutely adored this. Your writing portrayed a subtle softness to even out the despair that the readers, namely myself, felt while reading this. There are no words, honestly, to explain how absolutely brilliant and gorgeous your writing is. It's the way that I aspire to write someday, and reading this inspired me to keep trying and keep practicing.

There was not a single mistake. There was nothing wrong about this.

It was perfect. And the way the words just seemed to flow was amazing. I had goosebumps on my arms when I read this, and that means you most definitely did your job as a writer to capture and hold the readers attention. My, God, you did it brilliantly, too. <3

Since this is a drabble, you have no need of giving background information, but if you do decide to continue as encouraged, more info would be needed.

I like the title, I can see how the dreams part comes in. I'm not very keen on the layout, but that's not the story, so you're fine. Overall, you have a nice flow in your words and it was pleasant read.

I would like to see more of this, but it is after all, your choice. (:

This was beautiful, it really was. It was easy to read, the words just flowed, and I didn't have to re-read any part at all.

Your descriptions are wonderful.
I especially love the ending.

I loved it.It's too bad it's not going to be a long story.

Well... I'm not into drabble, but honey, this is a gem.
So beautiful, and your metaphors are fantastic.
Lovely, and artistic, your writing style is outstanding.

I especially loved this line:
"Lying paralyzed between dirty sheets" - Just... stunning.It seems so devious, yet helpless. Amazing.

Really well written, but I wish you went somewhere with this, it could really make a great story.

I think this is amazing :)
It was beautifully written, as many other have said. But there is more to it, you know how to capture someone's true fear of something. You know how to express it.
Fantastic job :)

Wow, this was really beautifully written.
I could just picture it all as I read it.
I didn't know what to expect in the ending; and though I'm not fond of surprises well, yours left me hanging.
Even though she was gone and was now off into an eternal dream, I felt like it wasn't over yet, that I wanted more.
Great writing, truly brilliant.
What can I say? You're talented. :0)

I agree with astronaut. It had a very very vivid feel of a restless corpse rather than a dreamer.
So I'm assuming she was dying, and just unable to fight it out?
That's really unique.
I love this a lot.
I really really suck at drabbles, so I admire you for it.
They're probably some of my favorite things to read.
Very, very good job.

This was really good.
The whole idea reminded me The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, if you've ever read that. It had that sort of dark feel but there was still a bit of hope to hold onto (her hoping it was a dream, I mean.) I like that, right until the end she wouldn't accept what was happening to her. It was sad but I imagine it would be something someone in that position would feel.
I really liked that it was in third person. Something about how impersonal it was made me like it a lot. I don't really know why, but I do.

I loved it, it was very intense and I don't think I'd change anything about it. You did a great job writing this.

I thought this was very good. I liked how there was this dark theme all throughout the story, and in the end, it makes me want to think of the worst possible thing that could have happened to her. Great job :)

This was lovely. I was reading and almost every line i was like "Thats my favorite!" then the next line i would think it again! lol there was one line that was perfection its was, "It began to take on a tune, like drums, a marching band strolling along the streets of her imagination."
I think you need to work on your comma use a little bit. It seemed like you were using them in the wrong places somtimes. Always remeber when you use a comma the reader pauses. also your last line was a perfect was to end it, "She did not wake up."
The only think i would change would be to make the 'did not' and change it to a 'didn't'
to me it just sounds better and leaves a bigger impression on the reader. But its your voice and if you think it sounds better that way then keep it. :)
keep writing. please. lol

The loneliness consumed her, wrapping around her like a cocoon.

I liked the way you described her loneliness, good job!
For not writing in a year, this is awesome.
Good description, great layout, and good emotion from the character.

Nice work, I liked it.
=)

I don’t think there was one thing wrong with it, absolutely nothing.

Wake up, wake up, wake up. – This was my favorite part; along with this one. It was the end of the world, and she was all alone, unable to move. In an abandoned house, on an empty street, she was stranded. There were no barking dogs, no children laughing, no birds chirping. The loneliness consumed her, wrapping around her like a cocoon.

It just all seemed very real.

Wow, this absolutely amazing.
I love how it's written so beautifully and it had an intense kind of vibe to it.
It was really amazing :)