When Night Falls - Comments

Hey :) here from comment swap!
Wow I absolutely loved this and i wish there was more! It was very well written and the dialogue was perfect. I loved how it was set up and i definitely really enjoyed the characters! Keep up the good work!

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Your first few lines could use some touching up, it didn’t quite intrigue me, but the second paragraph got me excite and I kept reading. You lack some descriptions in certain areas, just remember that you have to trap us in your story and stop us from wondering off. There are also spots that seem to skip as if it was a scratched disk. Read this out to yourself aloud and see if you can notice what I have. Using a lot more similes will add to your characters profile, mention key items like clothing, shoe laces that need tying, the way their hair is done or if their rooms are clean. Slowly build a character one brick at a time and you’ll keep the reads following you.

That’s for the read.

I don't think I've bothered to read a vampire story since twilight came out, mostly because it inspired some godawful fan faction about sparkling vampires and Taylor Lautner. This, however, has helped restore my faith in vampires. For that, I have to thank you. This was incredibly well-written. I loved the dialogue and the use of the description. I also enjoy the way you set it up, with vampires having integrated themselves into society. I'd like to see more of this.