The Shadows' Child - Comments

I have to say this is one of the better stories I've read on Mibba .
The characters were described well , consistent and written well. I understood what was happening throughout.
For my opinion on how to improve (your far better than me ) I would include more character specific environment details . Maybe sensing silver (or what ever is deadly to a Vampire) in someones necklace or maybe not even realizing that they are doing it . Things like that bring more life to the characters.
overall I think you write very well

This was a super interesting story! I really enjoyed your voice in this, it's a writing style I don't often see and thought was well done for the most part. I would just take some time to thoroughly edit so that grammatical or punctuation errors don't take away from the story. Keep writing! Great job!

I really do like the writing style, it's more descriptive and not a ton of dialogue. Each character is likable in their own way, they don't seem like the same character which I've noticed some authors do that, they put their personality into all there characters which makes them all the same. The layout is very simple, the black on white is easy to read.

Your take on a vampire is very traditional but also has some new notes to it. Like how her teeth didn't suddenly become super sharp like most movies do. It's nice that you gave her an occupation rather than her just doing vampire stuff and screwing around. I noticed that happens in Twilight, they become vampires and suddenly have no worries in the world. Overall, great story and keep it up :)

I really like the descriptions used here, but I feel like some are too crammed. Like you're trying too fit so much detail back to back, about different things it draws away from the meat of the story. Sometimes, not every time though. It mostly happens when you're introducing a bunch of new things, all at once.

I really love the way you build characters though. They are all believable, and they don't bleed in to each other. As in they all remain apart, and don't seem like the same person with different names.

The layout is ok. I like the pictures, the font is a bit awkward for my eyes, but that's personal preference. I just, personally, would like something more fast pace. At times I found myself skimming the details and just wanting the wham bam of the story, ya know? But it might just be the mood I'm in lol so sorry just saying what I think in the moment after reading 5 chapters.

I really like the descriptions used here, but I feel like some are too crammed. Like you're trying too fit so much detail back to back, about different things it draws away from the meat of the story. Sometimes, not every time though. It mostly happens when you're introducing a bunch of new things, all at once.

I really love the way you build characters though. They are all believable, and they don't bleed in to each other. As in they all remain apart, and don't seem like the same person with different names.

The layout is ok. I like the pictures, the font is a bit awkward for my eyes, but that's personal preference. I just, personally, would like something more fast pace. At times I found myself skimming the details and just wanting the wham bam of the story, ya know? But it might just be the mood I'm in lol so sorry just saying what I think in the moment after reading 5 chapters.

Aww Liam doesn't know what he's getting into lol! I usually don't read supernatural themed stories because they usually get boring and cliché in my opinion, but this one certainly kept me interested. I love Tristan and caera (hope I spelled that right) friendship and how well their characters compliment each other. Im lucky comment swap sent me here because this was a short little masterpiece! awesome

Aww Liam doesn't know what he's getting into lol! I usually don't read supernatural themed stories because they usually get boring and cliché in my opinion, but this one certainly kept me interested. I love Tristan and caera (hope I spelled that right) friendship and how well their characters compliment each other. Im lucky comment swap sent me here because this was a short little masterpiece! awesome

So I almost never read stories like this because supernatural stuff isn't in my alley; however, I must say this is very good. Your characters are very strong with super strong voices and they seem to be REAL people which can, at times, be a very hard thing. Overall, good job and I really thank Comment Swap for sending me your way. :)))

So this isn't really my cup of my tea, and I tend to stay away from these types of supernatural stories but I think you have a very original idea here, and the first chapter appeared to me considerably flawless, I didn't notice while reading any blatant grammatical issues. I think Tristan was characterized very well, and it was a good beginning! So good job :)

Hey :) Firstly the summary is probably one of the best I have read on mibba - it really got me hooked! And from then on it didn't disappoint. So many stories on here are rushed and overfull of unrealistic dialogue and drama following drama. I love the fact that you include all the brilliant descriptions, which are very well written. The dialogue and characters are really believable, the layout is brilliant...I could go on but I'll stop gushing!
Fantasy REALLY isn't my sort of thing, and I got here through comment swap but I've subscribed - and can't wait to finish reading all of it :) Well done!

I do like the concept of this story, and you definitely use very descriptive words. I like the basic idea and plot of it, but I just can't seem to get into it. For me, the amount of descriptions you use seem to turn me off from it. I can definitely picture what you're writing, but to me, there is a lot of descriptions, and to me, not every sentence has to have a large amount of detail. I do like the length of your chapters, which seem from what I read to be consistent. But to me, they seem longer than they actually are because of the amount of details. Don't take that as a bad thing, because this is a VERY, VERY good story. But it's just not for me, personally. But keep up the good work. :)

First of all, I just want to say that I really enjoy the concept of your story. It sounds really interesting. The summary is very good in drawing in readers in that sense. Your content is good. The first chapter shows you mix up your sentence structure and have a good way of portraying detail without giving too much information. I did notice a few gramatical errors. Especially in the first line. It's a good starting sentence, but the wording is a little awkward and it is a run-on sentence. Besides that and the few gramatical errors I saw, this has a lot of potential. I would just watch your sentences because it seems like you have a bit of a tendency to not split up longer sentences and turn them into run-ons. No worries! It's looking pretty good. I really do love your descriptions, but I would just keep an eye on that. :)

I have to say I'm pretty impressed with what you've written. I liked the layout, with how simple it was, but then read the summary and wasn't sure I was going to like it. It seemed like of bland to me, so I wasn't expecting much when I opened the first chapter. I started reading then and though this was actually pretty good. There was a lost of descriptive details, which a lot of writers here lack, and the dialogue between the characters was developed well.

Not sure I'm a fan of the layout, but that can be easily fixed :D I like the way you write, not many people can pull off third person (including myself) and make it work, so that is something that I dearly commend you on. The way that you describe things is very vivid, and sort of helps people connect with the reader. I also like how you manage to incorporate the senses, its almost like we can experience ourselves.

Your grammar is almost perfect, only a few errors here and there - which are understandable and easily looked over, meaning that I forgot where they are :P I don't think I spotted any spelling errors, and Tristan appears to be an interesting character. It appears that you know where you are going with your story arc, though at this state I don't think I would even venture towards guessing what will happen. So keep writing! It should be a very interesting read once complete!

P.S. Sorry for the late reply!

The way you wrote this is very discriptive. It helps the reader to relate to the characters.
You made some small mistakes but nothing too major.
I'm not usually too fond of books like this, it's become too common and I have grown bored of them.
However you did manage to make the read bearable, by the unique was you described things. It's well written and the plot is well structured. Props to you.

(Comment Swap) "coming. The", is "coming, the" in case it is refferring to the hunters?
(Chapter1) is "abruptly, by" not better then "abruptly by"?
"ghostly chuckle" is a good sample of how well the words come together, in the chapter of the story.
A rare gem, in vocabulary.
Thesde 'Vampires' really do hide their faces well. so well, that you're not even bothered by their pressence, untill they choose to dine, so to say.
Kind of funny, to have him smoke, though.

The layout is incredible. The grammar and spelling is great, there are no real errors with it. I thoroughly enjoyed the opening scene, it was very descriptive and I really enjoyed it. The character development was also very well done. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your story.

I love the detail you use in the first few paragraphs. I'm not a fan of vampire stories because most are so or cliche. But this one is different. I really enjoyed the whole first chapter it really drew the readers in. I love how you created the characters. People are really able to connect with them. You grammar and spelling a pretty much flawless. Great work

Oh wow! Your descriptions are amazing! I loved the opening scene; and it really brings it together. I don’t normally read vampire stories; but this really is a great story. You have amazing description on the first chapter where she fed from Liam, and the characters read to the point of being real. Keep up the great writing!

I'm usually very wary of stories with vampires or supernatural stories in general, but I decided to give this story a chance and I'm glad I did. You're very good on description and you know not to have overused words to describe something. Also, it's not as cliche as other stories I've come across. >_>
I can say at this point that I'm loving the character development. I'm already liking Tristan a lot. ;] lol
Anyways, keep up the good work and I'm excited to read the next chapter. =)