Les Bohèmes - Comments

i love this, a lot. I love the concept and I love your way of... melodic writing. I adore the quote in the first story. I think that really makes it, to be honest. Your vocabulary is wonderfully sophisticated and it makes me want to read more and more! It's seriously incredibly well-written, I don't know how I can express this enough. It's just overall so... poetic.

Firstly, I really like the title of this story- Les Bohèmes. I love the way it sounds. And I love the layout too; it's really original and pretty looking.

The Songwriter

I like the writing style you use. The descriptions have a really lovely beauty to them. Like how you call the guitar strings an obstacle course. That's a really imaginative use of imagery. Also, I ADORE how you include what combinations of chords he used. I also like how you depict him cursing directly at the wrong note.

I am in love with this part though: His breath forms a delicate haze that hangs, crystalline, in the air. It's so memorable. I feel like it put a lot more emphasis on how cold he actually is, considering he can see his own breath. I feel like this line has a really sort of delicate charm to it, and I love the use of the word crystalline. Lovely job with this.

Brilliant, this is really brilliant.
Plus, I love Rent (:

I read the second chapter of this, now. It is really good. I am beginng to actually understand where this is going now. I love how you potrayed the character in this chapter. You make it really 3D. You're a brilliant writer, don't stop with this. It's too original. :) I really like the chapter titles, too. Amazing job! <3

Awesome, I love the whole idea for this, it's really original. The layout is lovely, too.

FIRST COMMENT!

Chapter 1

Since they used the last screenplay for last night’s fire, this might be his one last chance to make something of himself.

This part confused me for a bit. I had to read it over a couple of times before (I think) I got it. Are they viewing his films during like a bonfire or something? Or are they burning the screenplays in some kind of symbolical ritual? I didn't really understand. Also, if it's the bonfire idea, I thought that was a bit weird for NYC. There's not many places in NYC where something like that would be happening, bonfires.

I liked this piece. I found it interesting, especially this part: ...smiling faces, each one a mask, hiding some secret, some hidden depth that the camera cannot penetrate. When I read that (coupled with the last line), I could really understand the characters frustration. I'd imagine that as a filmmaker he'd feel like a bit of a failure because he can't find a way to reveal who these people really are, despite what they're trying to appear as. Like maybe he feels that as a filmmaker he should be able to capture their real essence.

Chapter 2

The songwriter’s hands pick their ways around the obstacle course of guitar strings. Combinations of chords; a D major, an A minor falling onto a F♯ major.

I noticed your question in the Q&A thread and I think it should be: The songwriter’s hands picked their way around the obstacle course of guitar strings. Combinations of chords; a D major, an A minor falling onto F-sharp major. – Since not everyone would know what F# means, I think it would be better to spell it out. I think more people will be able to recognize F-sharp than F#, even if they won't be able to tell what it sounds like, they'll at least not be confused by #.

I really liked the determination of this character. That he's willing to sit their freezing as he practices his craft and tries to perfect it. I like that there's a bit of mystery behind this because I think it allows the reader to build a bit of backstory of their own. Where would he be practicing the piano that's going to be so cold? It made me think that perhaps he made the choice to buy the piano even though that meant he wouldn't be able to pay for heat, and that just added a bit more to the character for me.