I really like the way this started off. It was intense and made my heart race like mad. However, you have quite a few grammar, punctuation and spelling errors here and there. For example, here, “because I was bad.” I whispered. “go now.” I whispered. you used whispered twice. You can either combine the sentence so it'll be "Because I was bad. Go now," I whispered. or just delete the other whispered all together. Anyways, you have a great story here; it just needs a bit of polishing. I suggest getting a beta for this. They'll help you make your story the best it can be. It has really, really great potential; like I said, it just needs a bit of polishing. Good luck with this!
how the hell does this story has little comments. I love the being of this story because you show the relationship Marie has towards other people very well. Some writers try to do a character like Marie always forget it is not easy to be good friends with some one with your situation. I like how you still have her disconnected from every body and how it impacts herself. i hope this comment way clear for you to understand. Please update at least every week or more i would love to know where this story will go or lead.
Good luck with this!