She Can't Read Minds - Comments

oh, I was wondering if you could take a look at my story?

Yay! We see more into the characters. Though you're right, so far it's more of a filler. We haven't even met the male lead yet...

The characters are still kind of sifting themselves in my mind. I think once the story gets rolling it'll be easier to tell who is who. (translation: let's get the story rolling please!)

Well.... I'm not sure if I like this story yet or not....but I'm going to ask for another chapter and subscribe anyway. ^^

i like your story!

Subscribed because even though it's the first chapter, I'm loving it!

A couple things that could be improved in this chapter:

• your description of Bridget's voice comes on a little strong and forced. Maybe just "bubbled like hot soup" or something. The description is a little too detailed and long to seem natural.
• your way of introducing the characters is pretty good, it just needs a little more oomph. There isn't much that helps me distinguish them besides names and accents. You recognize the fact that people need to ease into character names, which is good, but I need a little more to tell them apart at the very beginning, especially since you're introducing 3 or 4 characters at the same time. I would suggest a brief line of physical description. Something subtle like "pushing her red bangs out of her eyes" or maybe go into how they react to a certain scene a little more. Be subtle, though. Don't go into enormous detail, just paint the picture.
  
  I know my criticisms were on the "ridiculously nitpicky" side, but there wasn't much wrong with it at all, and I felt obliged to give feedback since I love getting it so much :)