Eponey - the Millenium Bug - Comments

sorry about the errors on the grammar, but if you point out where aand what, I would fix them faster.
I'll just wait till I have someone read, and preferably comment on the latest chapter, before next chapter comes up. Pointless to publish, if none reads?
I have a mountain of chapters to work on, in order to complete this story, but I'll make it.
Now I have people reading. Not to mention commenting.
I imagine you have easier to enjoy this part, then the americal readers, sinse it's queens English.
I chose it for the people who live in "Ki Kokoro", where Eponey lives.
Maybe they will enjoy later parts more, without giving away too much of what is to come?

This story is interesting and unlike anything I've ever read before. I have noticed the main character is only 7 years old but sounds much older. I saw a few grammar mistakes but none which are life changing, so don't worry;) Keep writing!!!:)

I guess I overlooked the 'Prologue' chapter, but hope it has been fixed now.

Just wish people were paying more attention to the lastest chapter. There is no point in publishing further, unless the latest chapter had been red, and commented upon, in which case, it's the last here?

People age and mature in very different ways, more so, then we know, or recognise now. Yet, in this case, this will be greatly enhaced, sinse not all people are humans, such as we know from the streets where we live. In a way, maybe a comparison with the rest of life on Earth may serve a purpose, as a bridge to further understanding?

the chapter now first, was among the later to come into the story, since I was focusing on Eponey, her friends, and the world, in which she live.

I hope I fixed the issues withthis part now.

I know the swap only require reading a single chapter. For those who prefer chort chapters, the two latest are comparable. For the once who prefer longer chapters, I would recomand chapters 2 and 5, at this point.

The universe you have created is interesting and the concept is great. There really are a lot of grammar and formatting issues that could be fixed with a quick read through. It won't take much to get it perfected. My concern is that you're writing from the point of view of a 7 year old, if I'm not mistaken, and she definitely sounds a lot older than you would expect from a 7 year old. Once again, all stuff that can be easily fixed, and this is off to a good start.

I saw A LOT of mistakes in just the first chapter alone. You have capitalized many words that had no need to be capitalized.

Here is one paragraph that really stuck out to me:
Ok, did I forget to mention? Oh, I guess I did. Yes, actually, this Story achieved Sentience. It has a Life, all of its own, and the Question is, what does it rely want? My Guess would be, first to entertain you. but furthermore, it also wants to make you think. Furthermore .oh, that's up to you to find out?

This is just filled with grammar/punctuation/spelling mistakes.

The advice I have for you is to proof read before you post and do a spellcheck. They have plenty of them online that are free.
I know that feeling of getting so excited about finishing a chapter that you forget all the necessary things like proof reading and spell check, but you have to do it. It'll make it easier on your readers and you'll have a lower chance of getting reported because proper grammar is a must.

If you fix those problems, I'm sure this will turn out to be a very great and unique story. I wish you the best of luck.

It was the stage os an author I was, when I was writing the story, which I have to work on, compensating for, in order to adjust it. Plenty of work, not much fun doing, but it has to be done.

school is a parts of a childs life, and much of it has a point, explining what should be further ahead. I may have a few integration issues, as well as needing to add details in order to make it more interesting? There is the chance, part of it will resolve, when I have managed the fragmentations too. I fear I was not quite done with it, when I edited it for readablikity.

It sure is an 'Alternative Universe, as such goes. Much of our Earth can still be recognised, just like much have changed. In the time I started, it's already way out of the original alignment, no turning back.
Some characters are from the ritft itself, while hoards of characers are simply impossible in the Earth we know, yet, you'll see them, when I've published further chapters. Just a matter of how long it takes me to get there.

Hope it's not too much of a spoiler. Just like the story is dealing with more, then meats the eye, where I left off, this far.

Grammar and Style- You use a lot of sentence fragments, which I find to be distracting. Especially in the second chapter. I also noticed that you switch between past and present tense sometimes. Everything else seems nice, though.

Plot- I think you have an interesting plot, but there was a lot of your story that seemed like boring filler, like the parts where she is at school.

Setting- I like this alternate universe you have created. There is a lot going on and it really adds to the plot of the story.

Thanks for the comment on "Eponey - the Millenium Bug", thanks for the encuragement.
I'll go over these details, and see, just what can, or should be added. Though there is still more then enough material to fill a book *giggles*
Still, it's not the volume, but the quality that counts.
Yeah, I guess this story is different from what you'äve seen, if you come back, you'll see more of that, when I have the chance to publish the coming chapters.

Well this story is different! I really liked the plot, I felt like it was thought out and you had some idea about where the story would go and how you would approach it, but the lack of detail in the story is really taking away from making this story stellar. I bet that if you added a little more detail within the dialogue between the characters, it would really make this story truly a masterpiece.

Ups, I meant I hope you're not feeling dishearten ...

Ups, I meant I hope you're not feeling dishearten ...

I've read some of the previous comments and I hope you're feeling dishearten but motivated to improve your writing. So far as the chapters go along, I can see that you're working really hard to improve them but there's still some work to be done. I tried to overlook the grammar and spelling and just focused on the story: it's really good and with improvements could get better. My advice is that you read books n other stories on the website to grasp the basic concepts. Hopefully that will help :)

I see that you have worked a lot on your story since the other comments, and it's starting to look good! I actually quite liked the story so far in its self, the plot and the storyline. If you have trouble with punctuation and such try saying it to yourself loudly, it often becomes obvious What is roght and wrong that way :) keep up with the good work and good luck on the rest of your story!

Thanks forthe effort on the comments, nd sorry for the poor state of the stopry, such as it was, when you red it.
I've gone over a few chapters, and will go over the rest. Shouln't take too long, I hope.
Should look more presentable, so that it can be enjoyed?

Though the plot and story line seem very interesting, I could not fully read through the story. This is due to the numerous grammatical and spelling errors throughout the first chapter alone. It might be beneficial to either review your chapters before posting them, whether it is manually or by using something such as Microsoft Word. Either way, I know that this could be a great story. Sorry, don't mean to offend you in any way! Good luck with the story!

There are a lot of problems with this story. For one, you really need to add spaces between your paragraphs. Also, you're randomly throwing around punctuation where does not belong. Your dialogue is incorrectly punctuated. For example, in just your first lines I needed to make several revisions, all of which are in bold:

I woke up, like every morning. It was my seventh birthday! Nothing special was to be expected, or so one would have thought. Why? The Calender read 2007; nothing special about that either.

Though I actually felt very different, not that I could put my finger on it!

And that is without adjusting your prose which doesn't read correctly. It doesn't flow well, and it is extremely choppy to read. And when it comes to your dialogue, you're also making punctuation mistakes. For example, you put: "How was your day.> Mom asked ? When it should be: "How was your day?" Mom asked.

This story needs a lot of work before it is ready to be posted online.

I really wish I could have read this more but I couldn't handle the set up of it. I'm a stickler for proper grammar and I really couldn't get though this. One thing that really bothered me in the prologue was the capitalization issues. I wish I could give more feed back on it but it's really hard for me to read. Sorry! Best of luck!