Blood Pleasure - Comments

Okay, reading through the comments, while I agree that the layout does look alright, I would recommend a different one. One with a background that doesn't move, or have a black background for where you read the text. I had to swap to default to actually focus on the reading part.

I think the plot you have going is pretty good, but I was having issues following it, which may or may not have something to do with the fact that I woke up not too long ago. The grammar and spelling are okay, though its something you may want to clean up. Being someone who posts only my rough drafts I'd understand your viewpoint if that were the case!

I agree with the comment below me, a solid background would really make reading a lot easier.
As for the plot of this I like how you turned an abduction into an actual dark theme, like it is. Many people fabricate it with romance anymore.
A few grammar issues I spotted here and there, nothing major though.
Nice plot and idea you have mind, this has great potential.

Firstly, the layout gave me a slight headache whilst I was reading. Moving combined with reading...just ugh. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, it might just be me and my weird eyesight, but still. I had to swap to default layout to give your story a chance of getting a decent critique.

I like the concept of a vampire mafia, I don't think I've read something like that before! However, your characters seem to suddenly appear with little or no description. It kind of takes away from the story, because I have absolutely nothing to visualise these characters with; no hair colour, eyes, even a quick description of clothing. Aside from that, you seem to have a good story going on, you explain the plan that the vampires have and execture faily well, and I find that easy enough to read. I wouldn't usually pick something like this to read, but you're doing a good job. Well done! :)

I really like your story line, its great, a few things I would suggest.

The first thing I noticed is your sentences are very simple and strait forward which can sometimes be a great thing, but for this story I feel that it would be better to get some more detail. I feel like you aren't taking the time to completely get your point across. It kind of reminds of "See Jane run. See Dick run."

There were a few times when you forgot words, just simple words that made me stop and think 'now what was she trying to say'.

I agree with some of the other comments, I was a little confused by the characters, you just came out of nowhere and started calling everyone by name and I couldn't remember who was who.

I really hope this helped a little!

How funny, you just commented on my story and here I am commenting on yours! Okay, so I really like this, because it's different, it's very unique. I've never read a vampire mafia story. And the name Lestat... it has to be my FAVORITE vampire name. Byyyyy far! <3 There wasn't much of a description, but more like reasons why you should read this story, and I liked that. It was out-of-the-norm. Over all this story is very different and very unique and I like that about a story. Not to mention whatever you did with your layout to make it move reminds me of spilling blood, which is just fucking awesome. -- excuse my language.

Your title at least gives a very clear indication of what the story is about. Vampires. As does the layout, although the layout is a little hard to read.

I have to say, though, the names are a bit cheesy. Raven, Lestat, Mateo...all names I would expect to see in this kind of story. I also feel like they're introduced a little quickly. I don't really get to know them as well as I'd like before you start mentioning them casually.

But you do a good job of explaining their plan in the first chapter and executing it.

Keep writing. :)

Well what can I say, this is fucking amazing. :) I have no words to describe it. :) The four main characters rock. This is such a kick-ass story. You should post more often. Love it <3

I personally loved this. I love the whole idea of an exotic danger so fascinating. I really wanna see how the vampires you created will develop. Fantastic job!

Oh my fucking God. Sorry for swearing but that's the kind of story I was looking for. Don't you dare give up on this story because I honestly love it to bits right from the start.

Brilliant writing. I love the concept and your writing style is superb. Your flow and description use is near flawless and that's hard to find these days where both compliment each other so well. The dialogue flows very nice.

I am intrigued to find out what happens with the characters and how they develop. The way you write can definitely captivate someone. This idea is new and different.

I absolutely love the world you are creating. I really enjoyed reading this and I am quite excited waitng for more chapters. :)

Okay, this story might have potential but I'm really not sure, because I am very confused. First of all who is Cam? He/She may not be a major character but it is necessary to introduce him in some way. Even if its "Mateo and his subordinate Cam..." Not just "Mateo and Cam." Also, the layout. It doesn't bother me, but to other people, having to read and watch the moving layout at the same time is a bit overwhelming. Also you need some commas. Wait no...you need A LOT of commas. You have too many run on sentences, and the way you tell the story is uninteresting.
"Ryan is one of the fastest and best drivers in the mafia world."- That sentence isn't really needed nor does it belong in the place that you put it.
"Raven started the meeting but he was thinking when he'll "- Instead of putting 'thinking when he'll' you should insert ' thinking about when he'll'.
"In how much can you be at the company?" that sentence should be 'how quickly can you reach the building' or something along those lines.

(Comment Swap) seems like a rather dark layout, is the story the same?
(Chapter 5)
"brunette woman with black hair" seems like a contradiction, since brunette stated brown hair?
"unhesitatingly" seems an odd expression?
"with her again otherwise" is "with her again, otherwise"
The vocabulary holds together well, seemingly fitting with the story.
The words flow well, just a few details to look into.
The 'male' vampire seems disturbed, and his thought feels off, not in the strange vampare way.

I was sent by comment-swap.
I am not a fan of all the exclamation points in the summary, personally. The moving layout is actually making me a bit sick. The writing itself is rather confusing. I'm having trouble following the plot-line at all.
My suggestions to you would be to change they layout to something bloody (that does not move) and to have someone proofread your chapters for you before posting to make sure they're easy to read.

I really like the way this was written!
Your writing skills are incredible, not even kidding.
I rarely venture out of the certain writing types, and I think stories like this is what makes it worth it when I decide to read original.
I hope you update soon:D

I wanna know what Marian will do next but what about Lestat? Please post soonish!

POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST

Update! :)

Damn, that's more than just amazing really! XD

Post soon please XD

That was amazing you know. XD

I like how you can get into details when writing :D that's one my weak points when writing but by reading other stories that have good details it helps me!! Keep up the good work :)