The Crumbling Pyramid - Comments

Haha, they're nominating Anette and Ray.
Such nice friends.
And people Anette and Ray are going out?
Despite Ray liking Gerard and Anette liking Mikey?
Haha. Classic.

Sibling dissing is awesome!
'Cept Mikey and Gerard have better insults then most people.....haha
Why can't we all have a Mikey and Gerard?! D:
be cute.
And wow, the spray paint on Anette's locker was soooooooo mature.
Also lmfao at Ray trying to give Anette advice for Mikey and Anette trying to give Ray advice for Gerard. xD

'""THAT'S FOR DISSING HELLBOY!" Gerard yelled as he finally scored against Mikey, only to have Mikey score on him immediately.

"And THAT'S for saying Batman was inferior!" Mikey taunted.

The game went on for almost half an hour, the two brothers dissing each other's superheroes more and more viciously.

"Batman doesn't have any powers!"

"Hellboy's sidekick is a fishman. A fucking fishman!"

"Abe's cooler than Robin. And Batman's a total pedo!"

"Batman/Robin is the most canon gay pairing EVER!"'"

We TOTALLY didn't do this yesterday. Nope, we didn't quote your story while throwing a rubber eyeball at each other.

Well, I love it. I totally think that Anette and Mikey need to get their acts together though because Mikey's all "well, she just doesn't like me because who would?" and all I can think is "Hush Mikey. All this angst is worse then Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts. Strap on a pair and ASK THE GIRL OUT!" Although I keep shipping Anette and Ray because all I can think about is your mormon story idea with them being fuck-buddies so I would be okay if you decided to make Mikey go away somehow and just make Anette and Ray get together. But really now, Mikey needs to grow up and ask her out. AND I keep adding a helluva lot more stuff from The Art of Subjective Seduction to Crumbling Pyramid because I really want Mikey to be like "You shouldn't touch a girl like that!" All I can think about.

hmmm. I love this chapter so much. I mean, Mikey and Anette are just so funny together and wasn't your ipod almost sold to underclassmen? Well, I have issues with the first part of this chapter for obvious reasons but yeah...

People who steal stuff then selling 'em on need to die. Andrew, you deserve more then death. xD
And eww she kissed him. But bless Mikey being scared of water.
Haha.

Oh. Hey, look at that. Things DO make sense in context. Well, anyway, I love it as usual and hope to gods that you have Mikey and Anette kiss already because I'm getting iritated with them. When was/is the spin the bottle scene? Did you decide to take that out or did that stay in?

Bhaaa, Mikey's such a fucking cute drunk. xD
But damn, a whole bottle? That boy can drink! lmfao xD
I think this -and hadn't done it sense was meant to be -and hadn't done it since, right?
It's the paragraph after Anette and Ray talk about the celebration party! :)

Holy crap this made me laugh so hard. And Ray and Anette and it was just... I had to step away from the computer again it was so funny.

This movie night sounds soo much like the HP premiere nights we had. Ahhh. Repo and PB at four in the morning. And Gerard makes scrambled eggs.

Tehe. You finally put the kiss and the bed scene in! xD
Mikey and Anette are so cutely child bickering together. If that made sense. But seriously, lmfao.
And it's still really cute that Ray likes Gerard. lolz. xD

A-FUCKING-MAZING!!!!!! Can't wait to read more!!!

Okay. Totally meant Ray in that last comment.

It sounded great, like always Jen. I laughed really hard at Frank, his hair, and skinny jeans.
I dunno though. Got me thinking about stuff with me. I hate how I can connect to your characters. Which is a good thing for you. Means you write well.

aw, she likes mikey :)

That was soo cute!
Ray straightened his hair! Lmfao. Well, Anette did, but whatever.
And all for Gerard! haha!
I was laughing this whole chapter Jennie, I love you for it. xD

MIKEY! CHASE! ANETTE! RAY!!! JENNIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME!!! I mean, I was so glad when Chase broke up with Anette because they shouldn't be together but the problem is it left Anette really sad and just lately I connect with Anette so I felt horrible when you discribed her and Ray and the chat made me laugh because a lot of it sounded like stuff you would say to me which also is aparent in Mikey and Anette talking, just stuff you would say I mean, like "Really? Could have fooled me" because that's just something you say.

The only thing I saw even remotely wrong was this: you sorta discribe people's voices with venom too much. Like, it's only used twice in the chapter, but even that makes it less eccentric when it comes up.

Well it's obvious they were never really Anette's friends.
Jeesh people.
But lolz at Mikey and his attempt to..urr...make her feel better? Maybe. xD

I really like this chapter too. The MSN conversation at the start is kind of hilarious and I love how they all interact, especially how they can casually insult each other without offending each other. I love friendships like that. Mikey's bemused sort of WHY DON'T I HATE HER? thing was also endearing and kind of ironic, the way he was all I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY LIKE HER ISN'T THAT WEIRD? IT IS WEIRD, RIGHT? and Ray's just like YEAH, WHATEVER MAN, ANETTE IS ACTUALLY PRETTY AWESOME SO HAH. Also, the image of Ray and Gerard making out is so fucking hot I don't know what Mikey's talking about.

I need a Ray in my life, I have decided. I love that he goes to Anette's house just to check if she's okay and persists in seeing her even when Noel won't let him in and his reaction to Anette's note, like, WTF WHY WOULD WE WANT TO KEEP AWAY FROM YOU? (though kill anyone for me made me giggle; of course Ray would think that's what it said). And dear sweet lord I love that he spends the entire rest of the day writing her a note back and preparing to deliver said note that she doesn't even end up getting. SO PRECIOUS.

Also, this line, this line made me want to hug him a whole lot: He just let him mom unload his worries onto him like everyone else did. There needs to be a scene where he just rants at someone about all the burdens he has to bear for other people and the someone is just like RAY YOU ARE AWESOME SEE HOW AWESOME YOU ARE because Ray needs to actually hear this fromGerard someone, okay. And this made me want to cuddle Anette forever: God, I'm probably not ever going to be able to hang out with Dawn again, or Chase RAY IS RIGHT IF THEY WEREN'T PESTILENT PUSTULES IT WOULDN'T MATTER. Ugh, stop making me care so much about these characters and their happiness. It isn't healthy, okay.

Aww nice creeper Ray sneaking up a tree for Anette. xD
I found that kinda funny.
Like the computer conversation at the beginning as well.
Tehehe. :3

So the last comment was seven to nine, this is ten to twelve not thirteen (I swear there was a chapter thirteen, but maybe I'm just going crazy)
-tell Bob more the more exact directions - this doesn't make sense at all. I don't think the two mores need to be there but I might just be reading it wrong. But yay for Bob joining their practices! Mikey obviously doesn't consider him a motherfucking prep, but that's probably because he doesn't have a ~super secret~ crush on him.
-"He does that," Ray chuckled. I bet you'd like him to do it to you too, Ray, y/y?
-him and Anette are friends now! I'm so happy for them. I like how Anette's just sort of sliding herself into their lives bit by bit, like a stealth ninja person, until one day they wake up and oh, hey, they're friends and it doesn't even feel weird.
-Chase, you are an arsehole QUIT TRYING TO CONTROL ANETTE'S LIFE though I can see it from his point of view. He just doesn't want his girlfriend to be bullied by scum like Andrew, which, fair enough. I find it interesting that he refers to the MCR guys as Toro's group, though. Gerard feels like the natural leader, so maybe he thinks there's something more with Anette and Ray? Still, that isn't an excuse to call her a slut. It's perfectly acceptable to want sex and not be a slut, jeez.
-Rayyyyyy of course he would feel uncomfortable talking about people behind their back, of course he would. I want to know why Andrew hates Anette so much too, though. He was horrible to her when they were in kindergarten, it must be bad.
-Okay, now I know. That is kind of mean. And possibly confirms my theory about Andrew not being a repressed homosexual? I feel bad for Chase, though. Andrew might deserve it, but he doesn't. No wonder him and Andrew have so much tension if they've got that between them too, though.
-Seriously Jennie, you have to write me Anette/Ray one day THEY ARE SO CUTE. She listens to him ramble without interrupting and thinks he's interesting and passionate and she shows him her secret hiding place, oh my god. I get the feeling they will be good friends for a long time.
-oh my heart, what she said about wanting to be accepted for who she is and wanting friends who actually care about her, that hit kind of close to home but it was just really sad the way she's almost disappointed by the way her life's turned out, by the way she's let it turn out. I really like the way you're doing this, the whole contrast between expectations and reality: Anette is popular and has lots of friends and should therefore be happy but she isn't, whereas Ray is unpopular and has a handful of friends and should therefore be unhappy but he isn't. It's just really clever.
-I feel really awful for Anette in the next chapter; it feels like she's preemptively cutting herself off from her friends so she doesn't have to wait for them to do it to her, and that's kind of sad. At least she still has Chase, though, even if things are weird?
-Noelle seems really nice, and I like that her and Anette are friends. I wonder if there's anyone (apart from Andrew, and kind of sort of Mikey) that she honestly doesn't get on with. Anette does seem like the kind of person who's just nice to everyone, and she did say she hates people being mad at her. I'm just wondering, though, 'cause it'll be kind of a contrast for her when everything goes to shit. Even if she isn't friends with everyone, it doesn't seem like she has a whole lot of enemies/people who hate her.
-Have to say, I love that Anette's happy by the end of the chapter. Love (even if it's only familial) really is kind of all you need.
-aw, Ray's inviting her to band practice! I wonder why, though. It seems a bit random, though I really want to see what Mikey's reaction will be.
-they found Frank and Bob to already be there - this sounds a bit off. I think it'd be better if it were just 'they found Frank and Bob already there' or 'they found that Frank and Bob were already there'.
-heh, Frank making inappropriate comments makes my life. When he said that's what she said slightly more quietly in front of the Waymother I laughed so much, it was so precious.
-Gee and Ray (and presumably the others) are nervous for Anette's opinion of them!
-you better never replace Mikey, even when he's being kind of a dick. My Chemical Romance is a really cool name, when you think about it. I seriously wonder how he came up with it sometimes. /tangent
-psh, Mikey is secretly OVER THE MOON that he has to have gym with Anette again so she can save his skinny arse if he keels over and dies again.
-uh oh. I have a bad feeling about Anette sitting at the MCR table. It feels... ominous, I'm not sure why. Shit's about to go down.
-shit, knew it. Andrew is seriously five years old, how can he find throwing food at someone funny?
-Hey Iero, just finish having - shouldn't it be 'finished' not 'finish'? Both sort of work but I think finished sounds better in context.
-totally inappropriate but THIS AIN'T A ZOO, IT'S A GODDAMN CANTEEN
-ooh, badass Anette is kind of scary when she's really, really angry. I'm worried. And also confused, because is Andrew actually gay or is she just saying that to get a rise out of him and OH GOD, FIGHT TIME. This is not going to end well, this is not going to end well at all. But yay for them finally standing up for each other?
-ugh, the tension in the air when they're sitting outside the office is practically palatable, ugh. I'm so worried for them all, and Gerard too. Ray squeezing Anette's knee was kind of heartwarming, though.
-“Well, she didn’t,” Ray said - feels like there's something missing here. I think he should say that she didn't start it, that'd fit with what he says next.
-they are so screwed if Morrison is Andrew's aunt, wtf. I swear there should be rules about teachers not being allowed to work in a school with people they are related to. I feel so bad for Anette too, 'cause she's gonna come out of this the worst since she had a clean record before and people wouldn't have expected it of her.
-I kind of want to hurt Andrew right now. It is one of the worst things in the world to have to apologise to someone when they're the one who's done something wrong. Also for fucking everything up, because after what's happened, there's no way things can stay the same for Anette now. I'm so nervous to see what happens next.

Running commentary of chapters seven to thirteen BECAUSE I FAIL but this is awesome for so many reasons:
-RAY CONTINUES TO BE AWESOME
-nerdiness level: Gerard < Mikey < Ray but where does Frank fit into it, I wonder?
-Anette doesn't like people being mad at her, oh my god that is so sweet
-Gerard gets to be Danny, oh yeah! He will be an amazing Danny, I can just see it now.
-Anette reassuring Gerard! Those two are such adorable friends, seriously.
-heh, you have to put up with my brother if I have to put up with your brother
-Anette's comment about driving being weird felt a bit... random. Like, it was just sort of there and nothing really happened with it, and no one reacted at all. Maybe that was intentional, but I think it would work better if you said something about Mikey making a derisive noise or something, I don't know.
-I will admit, I am not the biggest fan of little children in general but Terrence seems kind of adorable. I love his and Anette's relationship and the way she looks after him, it's really sweet.
-GERARD READS HIS SCRIPT AT TOP SPEED
-MIKEY AND RAY PLAY WORLD OF WARCRAFT
-ungh, Gerard! Anette might not have a choice when it comes to hanging out with you (right now) but that doesn't mean she doesn't think you're a sweet little dude! It kind of makes me sad how completely unused to friendly interaction from people supposedly cooler than them they are.
- for Anette missing her dad. Can't have been too long ago if it was freshman year (I think? The American education system confuses the hell out of me), but Terrence probably doesn't remember him at all, if he didn't draw him in the picture.
-"It's good Terrence." should have a comma after 'good', shouldn't it?
-mentioning to Noel. 'mentioning' should be 'motioning'.
-OH MY HEART, Terrence doesn't remember him at all. I kind of want Gerard to hug her or something because she feels so sad, but that's probably a bit much considering they're not proper proper friends yet.
-oh god Gee and Mikey's casual conversation about WoW at the dinner table SO PRECIOUS Mikey is all pissed off about losing a dungeon DUNGEONS ARE IMPORTANT
-a prep that is actually a real person inside, what a novel idea! Stereotypes are so stupid. Even Andrew, douchey as he is, is still a real person with depth and character and all that interesting stuff. I like that both sides stereotype, though, because it makes it less like THESE ARE THE GOOD PEOPLE OVER HERE AND THOSE ARE THE BAD PEOPLE OVER THERE 'cause that really bothers me.
-that art room sounds amazing, I want one! Also, Gee is totally a vampire artist
-aw, Gerard and Anette worrying about them having to kiss! I may or may have a mental image of Danny!Gerard and Sandy!Anette kissing now. Dammit, woman, stop making me ship everyone!
-Shit that's gonna be awkward I feel like there should be a comma after 'shit' but it works without it, so I don't know.
-be still my beating heart MIKEY DID THE DISHES he has redeemed himself in my eyes I want to hug him so much. That's just such a really sweet little thing to do, especially for a motherfucking prep. He is the weirdest, but in such a good way.
-costume parties/dance thingies are so the best kind, I agree with Gerard.
-"Really dude?" should be a comma after 'really'.
-FRANK IS GOING TO BE KIRK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH CAN I BE HIS SPOCK? Also I can really, really see Gee as Hellboy.
-um, Frank, I hate to break it to you, but you and Gerard are kind of the gayest motherfuckers wherever you go
-Darth Vader!Ray oh god, oh god, that is so perfect I love it. And Batman is cool, but nowhere near as cool as Hellboy. And, while we're comparing, Star Trek > Star Wars. Just, you can't even compare the two; Star Trek is on a whole different plane of awesome.
-RAY GOT INTO A LIGHTSABER FIGHT WITH SOMEONE seriously, woman, you don't have to keep making me fall in love with him, you've accomplished that already.
-I am totally Mikey at these things, just saying. The corner is a fun place to hide! But yay for Gerard dragging him out for nerdytimes.
-see what I mean, Frank? You two are, like, the poster boys for anti-heteronormativity, I swear. Though, yeah, Kirk/Hellboy is kind of a weird image but what an awesome crack pairing would that be? God, no, stop distracting me, I don't need any more ideas.
-ANETTE IS LUNA ANETTE IS LUNA I CAN'T EVEN DID I TELL YOU I LOVE YOU YET?
-and, aw, Ray and Anette dancing awkwardly together, that is so the sweetest thing ever. You know what, Ray should just forget about Gee and get with Anette, they would be the most adorable couple ever.
-I firmly believe that in whatever universe they happen to occupy, Gerard and Frank should be friends who fuck/kiss even if they are not gay because they are just that comfortable with their sexuality and each other that they can do it without it being weird or a thing. Fuck stupid arseholes who have a problem with it, it's just sex, it shouldn't have to be a thing.
-I'm kind of uncomfortable with how much Andrew's throwing 'faggot' around but that's probably intentional. I'm sure he isn't a complete dick, but it's hard to believe that right now.
-GOD GAVE WOMEN PUSSIES FOR A REASON? What the actual fuck? That is disgusting. It's kind of really, really hard to remember Andrew's a real person with depth and character right now. Apart from being a massive dick, he's also a huge hypocrite and I kind of want to punch him in the face.
-yay for badass Anette, and badass Frank! Nice to see people standing up for each other, for once.
-Everyone was in shocked - 'in shock'?
-Don't you now not to - should be 'know' not 'now'.
-I feel kind of bad for Chase but at the same time, too little too late and I can totally understand why Anette's pissed off at him. He only ever seems to step in when it's her people are picking on, like he feels like that's his duty as her boyfriend.
-I want to know why Andrew's so homophobic too, tbh. Maybe I'm just lucky but I've never come across someone in real life who's that openly horrible about homosexuality. Plenty of people who sugarcoat it and hide their prejudice behind other things, especially religion, and plenty of people who are horrible behind people's backs, but no one like Andrew. Which I am extremely grateful for, but still.
-it's opening night! Ah!!! I'm stupidly excited for this, it sounds like it'll be so awesome from the build up. Also, Grease! There's no way it couldn't be awesome. The only thing that could make it more awesome is, like, if it were an actual Grease AU or something because wow, that would be so much fun.
-I also firmly believe that in whatever universe they happen to occupy, Mikey and Gerard should be codependent brothers who take care of each other when they're an inch away from falling apart. SIT DOWN, SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO IRON MAIDEN, ASSHOLE is it bad that I think this would totally happen in real life?
-I haven't got much to say about the actual show except for WOW it is so obvious that you have actual experience with this and know how everything works and it's just really, really interesting to see it from a tech's perspective. Also, Mikey noticing Anette was really good - A+ FOR PROGRESS, MIKEYWAY. And the little jealous feelings when she was kissing Gerard was so adorable.
- yay boypiles! Mikey and Frank clearly both understand the need to capslock at Gerard about how amazing he was in the show.
-Gerard you were fantastic honey - shouldn't it be 'Gerard, you were fantastic, honey'?
-ooh, an after-show party. I have heard things about after-show parties. Though this one seems like it will be much less, um, illicit.
-Bob! My love for Bob is kind of huge, though not quite as big as my love for Ray. I thought Anette said she didn't know any drummers, though?
-oh my god, oh my god, they sound like they would have been the preciousest kindergarteners ever. Frank proposed to Anette with a Ring Pop. Anette was a hardcore tomboy, oh god oh god. If you ever feel the urge to write a prequel thing which is basically their preschool antics, I will love you forever, just so you know.
-you know, I don't actually get the feeling that Andrew is a repressed homosexual taking it out on gay people, I don't know why. Random thought, sorry, I just feel like there has to be more to it than that, I don't know.
-I think it's a bit mean to expect Chase to do something about Andrew, tbh. They aren't friends, right? If they were I could understand it, but I feel like it should be everyone's responsibility to put him in his place because, seriously, he couldn't get away with half the stuff he does if people didn't let him. They just need to team up and be badass together and everything would be awesome.
-I giggled like an idiot at the end of this chapter. Of course Gee tried to stick his tongue down Anette's throat (I get the feeling he just really, really likes making out with people) and Mikey's reaction was just priceless.