The Crumbling Pyramid - Comments

Regardless of the fact that I've read most of this chapter, I still threw a fit while sitting at my desk, screaming "Go to hell Andrew! I effing hate you!"
Anyway, I love it.

There was one part that sounded a little wierd. When Ray was being talked to by that old hag you said "It wasn't her fault" "What makes you say that?" "Well, she didn't. Andrew did." It sounds like you were trying to say she didn't start it, in which Ray's next statement would make more sense. It means the same thing but this just sounds a little off.

Andrew needs to see a teacher who's not sympathetic, like my new head of year. xD
Lies never prosper.....'cept most of the time, that is. xD
But gutted Anette's perfect slate getting stained by him.
Bastard.

I think we need to take away your chai stash. Just sayin.
Made me laugh so hard. It's written brilliantly. And, I felt like I was really there. Like, when Noel was talking about her job with the high school show, I actually gasped like I was in the house, hearing the news myself. Keep going!

She really likes her family.
And her family likes her and they have fun at the 'family' times of the year.
How nice for Anette as her friends are becoming so-called currently.

Oh. I did comment. Whoops. Oh well

I could have sworn I commented on this chapter. Well, it made me cry, like I said i would in the right context. I love Ray rambling on about Transformers. Also, really wanted to be the one slapping Chase because I kind of hate him and yeah...

I was wondering when this one was going to turn up! :D
And ouch, Andrew's just jealous of Anette and her new friendships.
'tis all.
I noticed you wrote 'Ray was heading for Frank', which is totally acceptable (xD), but I assume you didn't mean the for? I dunno, it sounds like you didn't mean to use the for but you coulda.
It does work both ways.

I love it. I knew that in the right context that passage at the end would make me cry. Didn't I tell you so? Told you so. It was priceless. I really wanted to be the one slapping Chase because he acted like such an a**. I also think that the bit about transformers was awesome. Ray just rambling on much like I am. Well, no criticism this time. Just praise.

Yay! New chapter! I loved it. Especially the ring pops. I can't picture Anette as a tomboy.
"YOU DID WHAT?" Ahh, Mikey.

Okay so a couple of typos, I think...
"Why the hell had he even though he could?" Though should be thought.
"I wonder why he's such an asshole now." I think that should end in a question mark but other then that it's lovely.

I don't even know what ring pops are....*awkward*
And lolz Gerard, tongue throat sticking.
Hahahahaha.
Classical as fuck.

What is this fuckery Mibba?
Y U NO TELL ME UPDATES?!
Anyways..*cough* I can so imagine Mikey as batman. xD
And Ray as Darth Vader. hahahahahah
But yay for Frank sticking up for Anette when she got pushed.
You do not push a girl, unless you're in my school, but whatevs.
And Gerard got a new role! Whuu!!! xD

*still giggling erratically over Ray/Darth Vader concept*

I just caught up on this. Meloves. Moooore.

I is a cow. Moooo. XD wtf me

HAHA EFF YOU ANDREW! And I really kind of want Chase to die too. Maybe very painfully. Like, Mikey accidently pushing him into a lion's cage at the zoo. Just a suggestion.

There was one part in there that I dunno if you used the comma right. I'm not sure but no one want's to be a Stephenie so we're going to double check. When you said "He was going as Hellboy and Frank, as Captain Kirk" in chapter 8 when they're talking about homecoming. I thought the comma, if there even is one there, should go after Hellboy.... right?

Hi Jennie! *waves*

I like character interaction. (I sound really stupid, I know.) You get brownie points since this is based around one of my favorite MCR videos.

Terrence is the most adorable character I've seen in fiction in a long time. ♥

I got three hours of sleep tonight and woke up an hour ago. I apologize if this seems to be all over the place.

I really do like the relationship that you have building between all of them in the second chapter. I also like how flawlessly it flows from one idea to another. I'm not really one for fanfiction but I really like this. The characters are all so vivid. You've made them your own while also keeping them real within their fandom. The banter with Hellboy and Batman was the best though. That and the whole bit about the kiss in kindergarten. They are just these little details that help bring everything together and allow them to make sense.

Awwwww sweet chapter. And not a word of criticism from me. I love it and Terrance is so CUTE!!! He makes me smile. And I'm happy we're FINALLY seeing the Mikey Way I've come to know and love.

I have decided that I am going to comment after every chapter I read just so you can get all my love and reactions. I rather like Anette. I like how you portray her in this first chapter. She's not oblivious to her world. She actually cares about what is going on around her. She takes the time to care for people and that makes me happy. It also makes me wonder how she'll be associated with everyone. I have this feeling that her and Chase are not going to last though which I can't deny, makes me happy. He's that typical high school popular guy who drives the normals crazy because he has standards you can never fit into.

AH! It's so good Jen! I love how the part with Mikey's asthma attack fit in. Gerard as Doody ::lmao: I love it!
There was one part that just adored when Frank is playing wii and you say something about him pressing so hard to the controller that his thumb was almost as white as the remote. I loved that discription.

I only have one thing to comment on that I saw a little off- when Frank has Mikey's glasses and you say "and then Mikey tackled the shorter boy" the discription just seems.... I dunno. It just doesn't really fit and I see what you were trying to do with it, I just don't necessarily love how it sounds. It doesn't flow. THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO THINK OF! Okay so now that I know how it doesn't fit, there you go. write more. Actually, you're so far ahead of me with JulNo, I should be telling you to stop writing. Haha. Can't wait to read more!

You update too quickly for me to comment, damn you.

You know, I sort of hardcore ship Mikey/Anette but I think I could get in on this Anette/Chase action. I'm a polyshipper at heart, I'm shameless.

I sympathise with Anette's pain; it's no fun having to show new students around, especially when there's no one else around and you should be at home where it's safe and fun and there aren't (scary) little people asking you awkward questions. This is why on Open Days when we have to help out I go and help out in the ICT & Computing department instead because it's my favourite. /ramble

Ah, poor Anette with her dyslexia. And for having lots of classes with Mikey though that is a GOOD thing because then they can bond! But yay her for sitting with uncool people, that's awesome. You go Anette, breaking down social barriers! I'm curious to know how she knows Gerard's a good actor, though. I got the feeling, so far anyway, that he didn't have any experience with the stage at all. Ooh, ooh, is there backstory you haven't told us about yet?

Only error I noticed was that nearish the end, you switched into first person. We met Rachel at the door to the classroom. “Hey guys, I’m gonna sit somewhere else for now, ‘kay?” I said, leaving them and walking across the room. And this chapter did seem a bit, sort of... I don't know, kind of like an info dump? Like, hi these are all my classes and all the things you need to know about them, and that's probably intentional but I'm not a massive fan of info dumps.

Next chapter! Gerard trying to convince Mikey to tech is hilarious. He's all DO THIS IT'S AWESOME I AM YOUR OLDER BROTHER I KNOW BEST and I love him for it, so adorable. Mikey's animosity towards Anette is also adorable because he's so staunch in his hatred of her, it's kind of funny. You switched tense, though, when you said he wishes he could evaporate on the spot when they're at auditions. His nervousness is really sweet too and the way he blatantly doesn't want to be there but he's doing it for Gerard because he's his brother and he loves himand he secretly wants an excuse to be around Anette more, y/y? I can see him being a really good tech, actually, if I'm honest. Can't wait to see him in action!

Heh, love that you're sticking to canon with the whole naming MCR thing. Also, I'm curious about the drummer because I can't remember if we talked about Bob in this (I think we might have done?) and it'd be interesting to see yet another addition to their group. Gee's post-audition freakout was really well done and I can totally sympathise; when you've done well at something, you never ever think you have, and vice versa.

Ray! How is it every time he turns up I'm overwhelmed with the urge to hug him really, really hard? That whole thing he said about the guitar was so cute - he absolutely has to show Gerard the song he's written to go with his lyrics! A POSSESSED TRUCK destroyed his guitar! Ugh, Ray, stop making my heart go all funny with your adorableness. And then you have to go and be all ANETTE IS AWESOME, MIKEYWAY, STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE. I love that he isn't as bothered by the social structure they've imposed on themselves and is willing to look past the stereotypes. Just, so adorable. Ray! His conversation with Anette is really nice, just a little slice of normality for a relationship that is the farthest thing from normal at their school. Subtle reinforcement of her relationship with Frank, I like it.

Also, now I see the whole thing about Gerard and acting. He'll definitely get a lead role, then! Maybe Kenickie? Oh god, he'd be hilarious as Kenickie. Yay! He could be Kenickie! I'm stupidly pleased about this for some reason, but also nervous for Anette even though I know how it's going to turn out.

She found his company nice and comforting, more so, oddly, than any of her friends could give her, even Dawn. THIS IS BECAUSE RAY IS AWESOME. It's the hair, I suspect. It gives off vibes of friendship and comfort and general camaraderie. I find it kind of sad, though, too, that she's so popular and yet she still doesn't have many close friends. It actually reminds me of something I overheard someone in my year saying, maybe today or yesterday, that went something like, you can either have loads of people you hang out with or have a couple of really close friends and I get the feeling Anette's in the former camp. Poor love.

...you're trying to kill me, aren't you? You're trying to kill me with Ray Toro's inherent awesome, LIKE IT WASN'T ALREADY GREAT ENOUGH. He helps Anette with her maths homework and he doesn't make fun of her and she trusts him not to make her feel stupid and is just generally really lovely AND YOU ARE SERIOUSLY TRYING TO KILL ME, WOMAN. *glares half-heartedly*

not at all how Chase kept blowing her off for sports Ouch. Sowing the seeds, eh? I kind of want them to be okay, but at the same time... no, I want them to be okay and for Anette to be happy even though I know it's not going to happen. At least she gets to be Sandy, though, that's so cool! Even if Gerard isn't Kenickie, he'll still be an amazing Doody. He has some of the best lines.

Aw, Anette and Terrence are really cute. I wish I had that kind of relationship with my siblings. And yay colouring! I firmly believe everyone should do colouring, especially jaded cynics who've forgotten the meaning of the world colour and see the world in black and white. /mini non-specific rant

A weekend marathon of video games and awesome movies is the BEST way to celebrate anything, not gonna lie. I love that they get so competitive playing Mario Kart of all things, but then again, that game brings out the inner racer in all of us. Gerard and Ray providing a running commentary to wind Mikey and Frank up was so funny, I should so do that next time my brother and sister are on the Wii. Ray brought Gerard coffee when he really needed it, ugh, can I keep him forever? I think he's my favourite. If, you know, that weren't completely fucking obvious already.

When you say a love-stuck, goody two-shoes girl do you mean love-struck? Eager!Gerard is so cute, singing all the time and trying to learn his lines and not even realising he's supposed to be eating. Pissy!Mikey is more endearing than cute and I feel so bad for him having to deal with unnecessary physical exertion on top of all the shit he gets from people like Andrew.

Okay, Mikey, we need to have another one of our little talks.

YOU DO NOT KEEP RUNNING WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK, OKAY? MY HEART COULDN'T TAKE IT IF YOU KEELED OVER AND ACTUALLY DIED, SO DON'T DO IT. OKAY? OKAY.

Anette stays with him, though, that'll have to help improve their iffy relationship. Her voice is sweet and calming; clearly on a subconscious level he can get past his irrational dislike of her, which is good. That's not to say this keeling over business is a good thing, Mikeyway, but if it means it opens you to this kind of thing, it does some good.

MIKEY YOU WERE DOING SO WELL, WHY CAN YOU NOT GET PAST THE FACT THAT SHE IS A MOTHERFUCKING PREP? WHY? WHY? YOU WILL LEARN, BOY. YOU. WILL. LEARN.

I like that he's recognising that she's not the same as the others, though, that she won't tease him or laugh at him or make fun of him for nearly dying (which, wtf, people are so messed up ) and that she does genuinely care about his wellbeing because she is a caring person who is awesome and deserves shit from him just as much as he deserves shit from people like Andrew.

I actually haven't seen Grease, so I don't know who the characters, asides Sandy and Danny are. xD
It feels kinda lame.
But Gerard got...an important part. Yay for him.