And If The Sun Comes Up - Comments

Lucy, this was AMAZING!!

...and now I have to get back to work!

Whoa, those last few chapters were really good. I enjoyed that story a lot. You are a great writer :D

When you write another story, let me know, I'll read it :D

That was amazing. I'm crying as I'm writing this, really brilliant girl, I loved it

Wow that chapter was powerful! And quite eerie good work

NOOOOO he can't leave her at that party on her own! I think he secretly wants her to be turned so he can be with her forever

Chapter 12 was so sweet! Fantastic

Wow this is really scary chapter 11 especially, well that's what I'm up to right now. It's really good but I really don't want them to turn her into a vampire! Really good job so far

I can't beleive its over.

You only got 1 star as well.

You've worked so fucking hard on this too.

Maybe write a sequel, if that possible.

You should be proud of this, not many people out there can write a decent vampire story, you did well.

Speak soon.

xx

I actually awwed out loud at that! I think I just read Chapter 17 just now, thanks for messaging me to tell me you'd finished! I've been meaning to catch up but I've been busy, but in the next two days I will definitely catch up on the next 10 chapters!

Love it! :)

I actually awwed out loud at that! I think I just read Chapter 17 just now, thanks for messaging me to tell me you'd finished! I've been meaning to catch up but I've been busy, but in the next two days I will definitely catch up on the next 10 chapters!

Love it! :)

i'm really loving this story. i can't wait to see what happens.

:o Nooo, she might've been turned.

But on the plus side. I am loving this romance she has going on with Jake.
If she's turned I won't be too concerned. Her and jake will make a lovely vampire couple.

Once again, sorry for not being able to read this sooner :P

<333 Lightning Zap

Argh, sorry I haven't commented in like forever.
I've been so busy. But now I am finally catching up on all of my story subscriptions :D

**goes off to read updates**

I find it great that Vampires Will Never Hurt You was playing when I read the last line :D
Love the update!

If Mibba had kudos, I'd be giving you 94387594378. :]

I did promise I'd read your story! Sorry it's taken so long love!
I absolutely adore it!

"This is where the shit hit's the fan folk's." I giggled at that part of the author note on one chapter xD
But honestly, I love this ^-^
You have yourself a new subscriber love :D
xxxx

wow just read the first chapter, this is a brilliant start!! i'm intrigued and i love how i feel like i'm there already. I always admire writers who can convey something in a short space of time.
I'm off to read the rest now, it may take me a while lol, u have so many updates already, but thats great :)
Hey it feels very Stephanie Meyer: Twilight to me.

...Chapter 1...

ooh, i like it so far. the only thing i could think of improving on is a few minor misspellings and missing punctuation.
but the thing that i think is most important; two pieces of the writing struck me as not quite flowing or feeling realistic:

My immediate thought was that he was on drugs or something. He started losing so much weight and was always complaining that he was so thirsty. He was looking paler by the day and eventually became quite reclusive, only ever seeing me when I went to him and even then he would be locked up in his room in the dark.

i think the only thing that stuck out at me was the mention of his complaints about his thirst. it seems to me that if he was becoming so reclusive he wouldn't even mention anything he was feeling to his friends. plus you don't even need to say that he's thirsty constantly because the reader will be able to infer what's happening to him without an obvious statement like that. you don't want to tip your hand quite so much.

"I don't know what to say Jake. I knew you were keeping something from me and I thought it may have been drug related, so come on, confess; what the hell is going on with you?"

"It's not drugs Sophie. If you honestly want me to talk to you, I want you to promise me that we'll always stay friends no matter what, ok?"

the dialogue seems a bit stiff and not the way people would generally speak. so maybe instead it would be something like:

"Jake, what's going on?! Is it drugs or something? J-Just please tell me what's going on." I begged.

"It's not drugs. But, i-if I tell you, do you promise you won't hate me?"

try to keep the dialogue shorter so that it doesn't seem so proper. when i have to write dialogue i always say it out loud before i write it and then read over it aloud with expression and emphasis. every time i don't do that, my dialogue comes out a bit too stiff and flat.

i hope this helped. just something to keep in mind.
and let me just reiterate that i really really like this story so far even with all the criticism i just gave. lol. and feel free to criticize anything that you think could make my work better too.

i have to go now but i can't wait to read chapter 2!

luvya,
adriana
:D

As always, your help and support are so much appreciated.

Infinite thanks

:lol:

I loved this update :D
It was great how you conveyed the fear in Sophie's voice. I thought you did it very well.
And I noticed your little thank-you note in the author's notes at the end. It's no problem for the con-crit. I'm glad you've taken it on board. This story is really good :D

This chapter was great in it's own way.

A little short, but thats how it needed to be, short and snappy. Get the point across without babbling on and on!

You have a unique writing style, I don't why but I read your story differently...

Writing has much improved :D

Update whenever you get the chance :D

xx